


Falling To Fly

by enigma_kar



Category: Star Trek, Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Star Trek Fusion, Crossover, Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Slow Build, Starfleet Academy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-08
Updated: 2015-12-27
Packaged: 2017-12-22 20:45:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 76,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/917832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enigma_kar/pseuds/enigma_kar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Dean Winchester finds himself enrolled at Starfleet Academy and is faced with a whole lot more than he ever expected: a college AU with a twist. Including dark back stories, an irritating little brother (whom Dean would give his life for), a ridiculously gorgeous half-Vulcan roommate, best friends, worst enemies, a vintage Impala, late nights, early mornings, pranks, trips to medical, and space: the final frontier...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So this was the result of the Supernatural finale coinciding with Star Trek Into Darkness and my mind went into overdrive with this idea. So here it is, my multi-chaptered Supernatural at Starfleet Academy epic.  
> Thanks must go to the thousands of college au fics I've read, which were all my inspiration for writing this. And also to every Star Trek fan out there who has ever contributed to online information regarding the operations of Starfleet Academy. Those resources were my lifeline in writing this!  
> Lastly, and most importantly, much graditude and thanks goes to my lovely beta, [allofspace](http://archiveofourown.org/users/allofspace/pseuds/allofspace), and to Ali for all her cheerleading. I wouldn't have been able to do this without you both. xx
> 
> ETA 19/01/2014: Story image design and creation is mine, please don't re-use without credit. Thank you.

_ _

_ One _

Dean Winchester sat in a corner booth at Harvelle’s Roadhouse, hunched over various PADDs, textbooks and notepads with pages of scribbled notes. The scene it painted was one which was usually attributed to the younger Winchester brother. But not this time. It was the evening before the biggest exam of Dean’s life: the Starfleet Academy Entrance Exam, a test he’d spent the last four weeks of his life determinedly studying for. And if he was to be completely honest, it was a test he’d only ever dreamed of preparing for.

Ever since he could remember, Dean had dreamed of becoming a Starfleet engineer. His prize and joy was the Chevrolet Impala he had inherited from his father and the engineering in the car had captivated his attention in much the same way law did with his brother.  He’d spent endless hours working on the vehicle, taking her apart and reassembling her in a way which was more efficient. Dean understood the mechanics and engineering that went into the machine and he’d hoped of taking that understanding to the mighty starships that his father would speak about so dotingly. John only ever wanted Dean to be a captain though. Every time he’d returned on shore leave, he’d tell Dean this. Over and over and over again, until it was ingrained in Dean’s mind as the only possible career option: Starship Captain Dean Winchester. The only option that would make John proud. And Dean would work on the Impala, tweaking her further still towards the peak of perfection and the dream of becoming something else faded until it was just that: a dream.

But not anymore. Dream was finally becoming reality. Dean smiled to himself and stretched his neck from side to side. He paused in his revision and thought back to the evening at the Roadhouse that he’d allowed himself to be convinced of pursuing his dream. 

~ *XX* ~

_It was a usual night at Harvelle’s Roadhouse. Dean flung the towel he’d been using to dry dishes onto a bench and looked around at the place he called home. The retro styled saloon bar wasn’t packed, with only a few regulars, a new couple in a back booth and one Bobby Singer at the bar. Dean smiled contently and watched as Ellen Harvelle placed a beer and coaster in front of the older man._

_“Always good to have you back, Bobby,” she said with a smile._

_“Good to be back,” Bobby replied, raising the glass in her direction before taking a long drink._

_“How long you in town for?”_

_“Just a couple of days. They need me to do my recruitment shtick out at Des Moines and then I'm back to the Academy before collection.”_

_“That’ll be fun,” Ellen said mildly and Bobby huffed in a sarcastic sort of way._

_“So how are you, Dean?” Bobby asked in his gruff, yet warm voice. “Keeping out of trouble?”_

_“I try, sir,” he said._

_“Don’t you ‘sir’ me,” scolded Bobby. “I've known you since before you could walk.” Dean was cut off from replying with a cheeky ‘yes, sir’ by Bobby’s next question. “And how’s your bother doing?”_

_Dean glanced over to where Sam Winchester was huddled in a corner, reading. His face was lit by the faint glow of the PADD he held and even from a distance Dean could see the creases of concentration that wrinkled his face. He inwardly smiled. Sam had been successfully accepted into Starfleet Academy a month earlier and yet still insisted on reading and studying, though there was no real need. Only Sam, Dean thought, would find intergalactic law and ethics fascinating enough to spend his free time reading about it. With a sudden pang, he realised he was going to miss him when he left._

_“He’s good,” Dean said with a fond smile, turning back to Bobby. “Looking forward to Academy life.”_

_“Good, good,” Bobby murmured before taking a final drink and placing an empty glass back on the bar._

_“Another usual, Bobby?” Ellen asked._

_“Thanks,” he said._

_“Dean, could you get this for me?” Ellen gestured to the tray of drinks. “Table two by the window.”_

_Dean nodded and went to deliver the drinks. Working for Ellen was the only payment she’d accept for taking both him and Sam in after their mother’s death. And Dean was more than happy to do it. He got along well with Ash and Jo and was content to live his life here. No matter what was discovered in space and no matter how far the human race evolved, they’d always need someone to serve the drinks. Placing the drinks down and receiving a nod of thanks, Dean headed back to the bar._

_Jo Harvelle, Ellen’s daughter stood by the old-styled jukebox changing the record. “Hey, no_ REO Speedwagon _!” he called over to her. She turned with a flick of her long blonde hair and gave him a brief unimpressed look before offering him a mocking smile._

 _“You know, sweetheart,_ I just can’t fight this feeling any longer _,” Jo said, her voice dangerously charming. “This feeling I have to hit you over the head with your serving tray.”_

_Ash laughed and patted Dean on the shoulder in sympathy. “Take the hit, dude. Though not literally.” Dean rolled his eyes and then winked over at Jo, who delicately raised her middle finger at him._

_“Joanna Beth!” Ellen’s warning voice rang out and Jo hastily lowered her hand before walking back towards the bar._

_“Yes, mum.”_

_Ellen gave her a chastising look and Jo simply nodded and got back to work. Dean’s victory grin only faded when Ellen turned her look on him and he went over to sit back at the bar with Bobby instead, feeling only slightly like a naughty child._

_“I’ll be back in a month’s time to pick up your brother,” Bobby said, studying Dean as he sat down._

_“I know,” Dean said. He then frowned at the older man’s expression. “What are you implying?”_

_“I know you’ve always wanted to be an engineer.”_

_Dean scoffed, suddenly wishing he had a beer to drink or something to fiddle with. So, it had come back to this again, the ‘You-should-join-Starfleet-Dean; do-something-for-yourself’ speech. Dean had been through this multiple times in the past year, like it was some sort of campaign that Sam had roped the others into joining. “Not anymore.”_

_“You know there’s another entrance exam coming up,” Bobby continued, seeing through Dean’s lie or simply ignoring it. “You can still apply.” He raised a knowing eyebrow at Dean._

_Dean shrugged and reached up to rub the back of his neck with a small sigh, unable to convey his thoughts and feelings. “Uh.... I’m good here,” he finally said, knowing how pathetic it sounded. “Besides,” he gave a tight smile. “Wouldn’t want to cramp Sammy’s style now would I?”_

_“You wouldn’t be cramping my style!” Sam said and Dean flinched. He hadn’t heard his brother leave his secluded reading spot and join them all at the bar. Jo and Ash had joined them in the past few moments also._

_“You need a bell,” Dean said._

_“Don’t change the subject,” Sam replied. “You should look into applying.”_

_“Sam,” Dean began to protest._

_“He’s right,” Ellen said and everyone turned to look at her. “What happened to the little boy I knew who spent all his time fiddling around with that car.”_

_“You told me once you wanted to be an engineer,” Jo added, her voice soft. “You should take the chance.”_

_“Stop,” Dean held up his hands. “Just stop. You’re all being... just no. There’s no way I’d ever get in. People spend months, even years studying just for the entrance exam. I can’t cram that into four weeks. They’d never accept me.”_

_“You’re already ahead of those who have to do that, Dean,” Bobby said. “You learnt a lot from your parents and you’ve seen Sam go through the process. It would be a tough four weeks studying; I ain’t gonna sugar coat it. But you should be good.”_

_Dean blinked at him. “You’re joking, right?” He looked around at the all, an unbelieving grin on his face. “You’re all joking, right?”_

_“I’m a recruitment officer and head of Education Services at the goddamn Academy, you idjit,” Bobby said. “You think I’m joking?”_

_“No,” Dean said instantly._

_“Dean,” Sam began and something in his voice made Dean turn and look at him. “Just because dad wanted you to become a captain, doesn’t mean you have to throw away every other dream you’ve had.”_

_“Sam!” Dean hissed, his face reddening. “Don’t-”_

_“It’s true,” Sam firmly cut Dean off._

_“You’ve got to start doing things for yourself, boy,” Bobby said, his tone implying a concealed ‘grow a pair!’_

_“But,”_

_“No ‘buts’ Dean,” Sam said, his tall frame bristling with frustration. “You always do this. You put people ahead of yourself. Even dad and he’s gone."_

_Dean said nothing. He wanted to get out of there and away from all the people staring at him, expecting God-knows-what of him. They were right, of course. Engineering was his dream and maybe he’d forgotten it and put everything else ahead but it was still there in the back of his mind. He hadn’t dared to dream. But maybe that was okay now, he found himself suddenly thinking. He looked around at all their pleading, kind faces. They all wanted the best for him. And he knew they wouldn’t back down, be it tonight or in a year’s time when the next batch of cadets were accepted._

_“Dean...” Sam’s voice had taken on a pleading tone._

_“Fine,” Dean said, cutting him off and giving them all a small smile. “I’ll think about it.”_

~ *XX* ~

Thinking about it hadn’t taken Dean very long, even if he wouldn’t admit that out loud. It had been years since he had allowed himself to dream about his own life. But since that night, he’d hardly thought about anything else. That dream had been sparked back into life. Red wasn’t really his colour, but all Dean could see now was himself in gleaming Academy reds and then a shining red Starfleet uniform with a badge declaring him chief engineer (of course, he knew the likelihood of that outcome was close to zero). Not much later then, Dean found himself submitting an enrolment and booking a spot in the last admissions test for the semester. And now, at nine pm the evening before the exam, he sat writing out notes and being distracted by reminiscences.

Dean had just re-focussed on a hyperspace physics practice question, when a great shadow fell over him. “How’s the study going?” Sam said, flinging his large form into the seat beside his brother.

Dean ignored him in favour of writing out the formula needed to solve the question. When he finished he looked up and leaned back, stretching the kinks out of his neck and back. He let out a moan as his spine cracked and popped in a tension-releasing way. “It’s fine, Sammy,” he said eventually.

“Want me to quiz you on anything?”

Shaking his head, Dean leaned forward. “I’m good. ‘Sides, you can’t really quiz me for that psych test.”

Sam pulled a face in agreement. “And hey, stop calling me Sammy. I’m not a kid anymore.”

“You love it and you know it,” Dean grinned, enticing a deadpanned look from his brother. There was a moment of silence before Sam spoke again. The way he spoke, in a light, overly-casual tone, made Dean realise he’d been wanting to say this for a while.

“So, you’re still going for engineering then?”

“Ah... yeah. Why?”

“Just, you know... asking,” Sam said and Dean saw right through his innocent tone.

“Is this about dad, Sam? ‘Cause if it is, just spit it out already.”

“I... You know you shouldn’t feel bad about not wanting to become a captain. That was dad’s dream, not yours.”

Dean had to restrain himself from an outburst. “I know,” he managed.

“Dean...”

“I dunno, okay!” Dean squirmed slightly, out of awkwardness and frustration at Sam asking this. “It’s like; I don’t want to let his memory down. I feel like I should obey his wishes, even more so now that he’s gone.”

“That’s bullshit,” Sam said flatly. “You’ve spent your whole life saying that he’s as good as dead to us. Why are you suddenly all about respecting his wishes?”

“Because this is the only thing he ever wanted of me!” said Dean, his voice rising in anger. “My clearest memories of dad are him telling me how I was going to grow up and become a famous captain just like he was. Sometime’s that’s all I can remember. And I...” he paused and glanced up at Sam who gave him an encouraging sort of look. “And fine, yes. I feel guilty. Guilty at not following his plan for me, you know.”

“You need to stop feeling guilty,” Sam said.

Dean snorted derisively. “Easier said than done, Sammy.”

“I know,” Sam admitted. “But listen to me. Dad’s not around anymore. You should start doing things for yourself. A Starfleet engineer is still a worthy career path. And if you don’t feel up to doing things for yourself just yet, do it for me. I want to see you happy.” Sam smiled and reached over to squeeze his brother’s hand. “I mean it.”

“Thanks,” Dean smiled, somewhat reluctantly. “And I’ll try.” Then, he wriggled his hand free of Sam’s and shot him an annoyed look. “But hey, no more girly moments, okay.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “Sure you don’t need some help with final studying?”

“Nah,” Dean said, leaning back. “I’m pretty much prepared to fail.”

“Come on, Dean. Don’t be like that. I know you’re smart and I know you’ve worked hard these past few weeks.”

“I was joking.”

Narrowing his eyes, Sam studied his brother. To all appearances, Dean looked fine. But Sam knew him well enough to see the fear and worry lining his face and darkening his eyes. He gave his older brother a warm smile. “Either way, I know you’re going to be fine.” Dean just nodded before leaning forward again to go over his notes.

In the end, Sam was right of course. Dean passed the admissions tests with flying colours, even the psychological test which was dreaded by every applicant. It was that one Dean had worried about most. The death of his mother and his father’s actions following it had scarred him and there was no doubt in his mind that it would haunt him for years to come. Perhaps he’d never get closure. Despite this however, he’d passed, and the grin that plastered his face stayed there for almost a week.

It was official: Dean Winchester was going to Starfleet Academy.


	2. Chapter 2

_ Two _

_“Exit light, enter night, take my hand, off to never never-land..._ ” Dean trailed off and hummed the guitar solo, resisting the overwhelming temptation to squeeze his eyes shut. He hated flying; really loathed it. Sam had gently teased him about it for the hour or so before they boarded the shuttle, thus the younger Winchester was now sitting farthest away from Dean, his nose in a book and his arm no doubt aching a little from where Dean had punched him. It was an action that Dean did not regret. Sam would feel guilty and sulk and Dean could continue battling his fear of flight in peace. Then, when they got to San Francisco, Dean would call Sam a bitch and Sam would retort, calling Dean a jerk and all would be right in the world again.

The engines roared into life beneath him and Dean gripped the arm rest tighter, humming with renewed force. He thought of his baby back home and wondered again why he couldn’t have just driven her to California himself. Dean already knew the answer, of course. There would be no room for a motorcycle, let alone his vintage 1967 Chevrolet Impala. It would be too impractical and, in any case, Dean knew he’d have limited time between classes to drive her. It was best for all concerned that his baby stayed in Lawrence and Dean could take her out for a special spin when he got leave. The thought did nothing to ease his bitter feeling, however.

“Metallica?” A curious voice interrupted his musings and Dean looked over at the woman who had taken a seat beside him. She had pale skin and dark hazel eyes that were narrowed slightly in curiosity. These were framed by two long curtains of vibrant red hair that would have made her stand out in the most crowded of places, and yet suited her very nicely.

“Sorry?”

“Metallica, right? Enter Sandman? I recognised the tune you were humming,” she smiled. “Nice choice.”

“Uh, thanks,” Dean said, thrown by her knowledge. Metallica had been pretty popular hundreds of years ago, but it was rare for someone else to know about it in this day and age. “Didn’t think anyone else would recognise it. Good for you!”

Red-Head seemed to ponder this and then shrugged as if to say ‘fair point’. “You can thank my daddy for my music knowledge.”

“If I get the chance I will, Miss...” Dean trailed off meaningfully.

“No ‘Miss’, please. It’s Charlie. Charlie Bradbury,” she held out a hand which Dean took.

“Dean Winchester,” he said with a smile. Charlie’s face flickered at the mention of his name, briefly twisting into curious pity before she smiled again. Dean swallowed thickly; he should have expected this. Famous for all the wrong reasons, he though miserably. “Nice to meet you,” he forced himself to say.

“You too,” Charlie replied. There was a pause in which she didn’t ask about Dean’s name. “So why you humming Metallica? This some sort of tradition I don’t know about or something?”

“No. It, uh, calms me down,” Dean said, reddening slightly in embarrassment. “I don’t really like flying.” Understatement of the century.

“I sing when I’m nervous,” Charlie admitted, with a sympathetic look. “So no judging.” She paused and narrowed her eyes at him. “You do look a little green, though. And not in a healthy-Vulcan kind of way.” Dean shot her an unamused look. “As long as you don’t throw up on me, we’re good,” she hastened to add.

“I can’t promise that,” Dean said, raising his voice to be heard over the engines. The shuttle was gaining speed in the final seconds before leaving the ground. Dean blanched. “Sorry.”

“Okay,” Charlie said, as though considering something. “Well I’m a physicist, not a doctor. But I’d say you needed a distraction to prevent the whole possibility of being sick. So, how do you know Metallica?”

“Family friends,” Dean said stiffly, trying his best to ignore the tumult of emotions building in him. The familiar fear, brought on by weightlessness he felt at being in the air, was rising up in him. The only thing keeping them in the air was a shuttle engine; the only thing keeping them from all falling to their deaths. But no, Dean was not going to think about that. He was also not going to think about all the shuttle crash statistics he found himself suddenly remembering. He shook his head slightly, like a dog rising out of water. “Uh... They run a bar back in Lawrence, retro style, classic music, you know.”

“Awesome sauce,” Charlie said. She smiled at him encouragingly and Dean had never felt so grateful in all his life. Except that one _other_ time. “So, Starfleet Academy right?”

Dean nodded. “Engineering major, yeah. Physics for you, you said?”

“Astrophysics technically,” Charlie replied.

“Wow,” said Dean, impressed. For a moment his fear subsided. “So are you looking at serving on a starship?”

“Hopefully, yeah,” she shrugged. “That’s the plan anyway. You?”

Dean hesitated. “I don’t actually know. It’s pretty competitive. That and the whole not quite liking flying thing.”

“Oh, of course.”

“I think my parents would have wanted me to,” Dean said carefully. “And I know it would be a great experience. But...” he trailed off with a noncommittal gesture.

“I get it,” Charlie said. “And hey, I was meant to be distracting you from flying. So what else can you tell me about yourself?”

For the majority of the next two hours, Charlie kept Dean distracted just as she had promised. They started with music and after covering Metallica, Dean waxed lyrical about Led Zeppelin, AC/DC and Black Sabbath.

“Okay, well I haven’t heard of Def Leppard,” Charlie finally interrupted with a laugh, some fifteen minutes later.

“Rock of Ages is the most badass song ever!” Dean exclaimed. “How have you not heard it? I’ll play it for you sometime.”

“Deal,” said Charlie, sweeping a stray lock of hair out of her face. “So you’re strictly into classic rock then? If so, we really need to expand your music horizons.”

“Uh,” Dean shifted sheepishly. His musical tastes were pretty limited to those classic hits played in the Roadhouse. “What would you recommend?”

Charlie hummed in thought. “You should try The Jailbreakers. Their cover of Walking On Sunshine is fantastic!”

“The Jailbreakers,” Dean repeated.

“Yep. Walking on Sunshine. You’ll be up and dancing before you know it.”

“Dancing?” Dean snorted. “I don’t think so, sweetheart.” Charlie just looked knowingly at him and smiled.

To direct the topic away from the idea of him dancing, Dean then told of his life in Lawrence and spoke dotingly about Ellen, Jo and even Ash and how he was going to miss them. He talked about his baby and sulked for a good five minutes after Charlie had laughed outright upon discovering Dean’s “baby” was his car. It was only after she promised to make it up to him by shouting him a drink (after their first week of classes, when they’d really need it), that Dean stopped pouting.

He then learned about Charlene ‘Charlie’ Bradbury, who swore she would personally send him to hell if he ever called her Charlene. He discovered that her favourite book was The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien and they spent a few minutes arguing which series of movies was the best: the original Peter Jackson movies or the 2165 remakes. In the end they agreed on the novels being best and the movies could be tied for second. She then told of how she’d travelled around a bit as a child, and had never really fit in anywhere.

“So, I thought I’d give Starfleet a go. Something respectful, you know, rather than spending my life playing those total immersion video games.”

“Those are pretty awesome,” Dean countered.

“Oh I know!” Charlie agreed, her face lighting up. “They’re sweet. But not exactly high prospects you know. ‘Sides, I’ve always loved physics and well... this may sound stupid, but I want to do something good. Something to help others. And maybe I can with this.” She gave a hopeful smile.

“I know _exactly_ what you mean, Charlie,” said Dean with feeling, smiling back.

“So, about this drink I promised you. You don’t happen to know any good places in San Francisco that could facilitate? I’ve never been before.”

“I do actually!” Dean said. Ash had cornered him before they’d left and told him a number of places he _just had_ to check out. He’d also mentioned that they’d get a free drink if they mentioned Dr Badass had sent them (Dean didn’t ask). “The Crossroad does good deals on drinks and nachos, and Biggerson’s have awesome pies and the Irish bar McLaughlin’s have the biggest range of beers.”

“Nice! I wouldn’t say no to a good Irish beer. What do you think?”

“I think,” Dean said with a wink, “that I like a girl who likes her beer.”

“Sounds like a plan then,” Charlie said, grinning back. There was a moment of comfortable silence, before Charlie leaned in conspiratorially. “So, I don’t want to startle you, but there’s a sasquatch over there giving you the stink eye.”

Dean resisted the temptation to send a shit-eating grin in Sam’s direction. “That’s my little brother Sammy,” he told Charlie fondly. “He’s studying interspecies ethics and law. And he’s apparently not impressed by my flirting with you. That’s his trademark look. The Bitchface by Sam Winchester. Patent Pending.”

Rather than laughing at this, Charlie’s face fell and she leaned forward looking awkward and a little embarrassed. “That was flirting?”

Dean frowned. “Uh... sorry?”

“Oh, god... I... no... I’m just not... I’m flattered, I mean, but,” she started to blush in earnest now. “No offense, but you’re not really my type.”

“You sure?” Dean grinned and waggled his eyebrows, not deterred one bit.

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

“How can you kn-”

“You have a penis,” Charlie cut him off matter-of-factly. “Uh, at least I think you have a penis. I don’t actually know one hundred percent. Um...”

Understanding dawned on Dean and he nodded. “Oh! Right, yes. I mean, last time I checked I had one anyway,” he said. “And apologies. No more flirting, check.”

Charlie gave a cautious smile. “Most appreciated. So, friends?”

“Friends,” Dean agreed, unable to resist smiling back. They shook hands again in a mock-formal sort of way and Dean couldn’t help the tentative feeling of happiness that spread through him.


	3. Chapter 3

_ Three _

There was a brief introductory session in the main assembly hall. Dean had introduced Charlie to Sam and the three of them sat together, uncomfortable in their crisp, new cadet reds listening to Bobby welcome them, as was his official role as head of Educational Services. They split up afterwards, exchanging communicator numbers as a promise to catch up soon for drinks, and Dean left for the room which was to be his home for the next year.

He suspected it was because he sat the admissions test last, that Dean had been placed in one of the older dormitories. The carpet was well worn beneath his feet and the walls carried dents and scratches from years of unruly students. The numbers on the doors that flashed by were plain and looked like something out of an ancient English University rather than an academy dedicated to Starfleet and space travel.

399.

400.

401.

This was it: Dean’s new residence. The buttons on the electronic door lock were worn to the point of non-existence. For a moment he fumbled with his bag before extracting his comm where he’d recorded the door code. Then, with a sigh and a feeling of trepidation, he punched in the code and the door slid open with a soft whoosh of air. The room was dark and empty. The bright San Francisco day was dimmed considerably by the electronic shade setting on the window, but Dean was still able to make out the two beds and small desk the room held. There were also two large cupboards and a door which, no doubt, led to a bathroom. Dean slung his bag onto the bed closest to the window before sitting down on it, his legs shaking slightly.

There was a beep from his comm. It was Charlie.

**New roommate is a doctor and a Milton! Redhead and gorgeous. Not going to survive the semester. If you don’t give a nice eulogy at my funeral I will come back and haunt your ass.**

Dean grinned inwardly; amazed he’d managed to make a friend so quickly. In fact, he was amazed that he’d made it here at all. Starfleet Academy. He was still waiting for it to hit him. He was studying to become an _engineer._ He wondered if Sam felt this way; the same feelings of hope and nervousness at the prospect of the next four years of learning. 

He tried to avoid it, but his thoughts were always going to turn to his parents eventually. The familiar pang of guilt that so often accompanied the thought of his father sparked up in him again. He hated the fact that, even though he was gone, his father could still have such an effect on him. Dean rubbed a hand over his face as his thoughts turned to the first time he expressed a desire to become an engineer. It had been John’s first shore leave in over a year.

_“Dad, dad, you’re home!” Dean is four and running towards his father and hugging him before John gets a chance to step through the door. Mary is holding a tiny Sam and laughing and Dean looks up to see his dad smile._

_“How’s my little future Starfleet Captain, now?” he asks, bending and scooping Dean up into his arms. His bags left forgotten at the door._

_Dean gives a salute. “Ready for warp, sir.”_

_John laughs again and buries his face into Dean’s little chest. “You’re gonna make me so proud one day. Captain Dean Winchester.”_

_Mary walks over and kisses her husband. The four of them are smiling, a picture perfect family._

It didn’t last though, of course. Dean knew that now. But that had been the last time they were all together and happy. It was that shore leave that Dean made the mistake of telling his father that he wanted to be an engineer. He was all of four and John had flat-out refused to accept it.

_“Leave him, John,” Mary says, her voice kind as ever. “If he wants to be an engineer, he can be.” She smiles over at her son and Dean smiles back._

_“He’ll be a captain, that’s what he’ll be,” John says, voice harsh. “He’ll be like his father and every household will know our names.”_

_“But-” John shoots Dean a look so hard that he shuts his mouth instantly. The look subdues him and he looks away. “Yes, sir.”_

_“Hey,” Mary Winchester’s hands are soft as she reaches over and lifts Dean’s head up again. “You’re my little angel and I’ll always be proud of you no matter what.”_

_“Mary!”_

_John and Mary are glaring at each other and Dean runs before he can hear them fighting. He doesn’t want any more nightmares._

Dean’s thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the door opening again. He’d failed to order the lights on during his reminiscing and now heard a flat voice command them to 75%. Dean suppressed a noise of protest at the bright light and squinted over at his new companion... new roommate.

“Hello?” a deep, emotionless voice said as the figure at the door tilted his head gently to the side, as though regarding Dean.

“Uh, hey man,” Dean said, standing up and walking over to the man still silhouetted against the door frame. For a moment he was rendered speechless. His new roommate was a Vulcan. Painfully stunning blue eyes were framed by a stern fringe of dark hair and a face that was pale and blank. Pointed eyebrows were visible and Dean knew that under the perfect hair, pointed ears existed too. He wore cadet reds the same as Dean, but somehow he made them look good. They were perfectly fitted in a way that made Dean suspect they had been specially made for him. With a start, Dean realised he had been staring. “Uh... nice to meet you.”

There was a pause in which the Vulcan looked Dean over. Dean felt himself start to blush. “And you,” came the well-measured reply. “I’m Castiel. Castiel Milton.”

For a long moment Dean said nothing, opting instead to gape. Then before he could stop himself, Dean blurted, “ _Milton?_ As in one of _those_ Miltons?”

The Milton family were undoubtedly the most successful and physically attractive family Starfleet had ever seen. Renowned for their cool intellect and a fierce competitive streak that contrasted sublimely with their mild temperament, any racism seemed to stop where the half-Vulcan/half-human Milton family were concerned. Michael and Lucifer Milton were arguably the two best captains in decades, with more medals and honours to their name than Sam had books. And Dean was sure he’d recently read that their father, Metatron, had only recently retired from his position of Supreme Commander of the Universe... or something with an equally impressive yet ridiculous-sounding title. In short, the Milton’s were the poster family for Starfleet, albeit with weird-ass names. The very opposite of Dean Winchester and his family’s troubled past. And now, apparently, Dean was sharing quarters with one of them.

Castiel tilted his head again in mild confusion. “Yes,” he said after a few seconds of just _staring._ “I do not think there is another Milton family that would warrant your reaction.”

“Uh, right,” Dean said, somewhat dazedly. “Well, nice to meet you... um... again.” He offered a hand that twitched ever so slightly. “Sorry, I’m Dean. Dean Winchester.” Castiel’s hand was warm and dry in his.

“It’s a pleasure, Dean Winchester.”

Dean let go of Castiel’s hand hurriedly and turned away. It had felt oddly comfortable in his own. “I’ve taken this bed,” he said sitting back down on his own. “I hope that’s okay.”

“That’s perfectly agreeable,” Castiel said, placing his belongings on the other bed.

“Oh good,” Dean muttered and the room fell into awkward silence. At least, Dean found it awkward. Castiel remained expressionless as he unpacked and seemed to ignore the fact there was another person in the room. Sighing inwardly, Dean grabbed his comm and sent a message back to Charlie.

**_You’ll never guess who my roommate is. Want to shout me that drink a couple of days early?_ **

~ *XX* ~

“Is this some kind of joke? It has to be some kind of joke,” Dean said, placing his empty glass back on the small table the three of them were sitting around at McLaughlin’s Bar.

“Not just a coincidence?” Sam asked, sceptically.

“I don’t believe in coincidences,” Charlie said, putting on a gruff voice that implied it was clearly meant to be a famous quote from some long gone television character. But for the life of him, Dean couldn’t pick it.

The three of them had met at McLaughlin’s not long after Dean’s message and, as promised, Charlie had shouted first. It hadn’t taken long for Sam and Charlie to become better acquainted. Dean had simply mentioned Charlie liked The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings and the pair were soon wildly discussing the finer points of the books, while Dean looked on, smiling a proud smile. Then, as most first conversations do during the first week of such academic adventures, the topic turned to roommates, which was when they’d discovered they were all sharing rooms with a member of the Milton family. Charlie’s roommate, Anna Milton, and Sam’s, Gabriel, were both cousins of Castiel and therefore were fully human.

“I’m sure it’s just a coincidence,” Sam repeated. “It’s a pretty obscure joke otherwise.”

“So you don’t think Bobby had anything to do with it?” Dean demanded.

“Why would he?”

Charlie, who had been told about Bobby during the shuttle over, frowned. “I don’t know the guy, but that doesn’t seem like something he’d do.”

“Maybe it’s just a thing. Winchesters and Miltons.”

Sam shrugged. “Winchesters and Miltons?”

“Hey, I got a Milton roommate too!” Charlie said. “Does this mean I’m an honorary Winchester?” She grinned somewhat cheekily at the two brothers. Dean regarded her with a smile. They’d only known each other for a day and already he felt like she was the sister he had never had.

“It sure does,” Dean said just as Sam said, “Of course!”

Charlie raised her glass and the other two raised their own to clink (Dean’s was still empty, but it was the gesture that counted). “To being an honorary Winchester,” she said.

“To surviving Academy life,” Dean said.

“To accepting an honorary Winchester and to ensuring my brother does survive Academy life,” Sam said and they all laughed. The topic of enigmatic roommate pairings was successfully dropped and the rest of the evening passed in a blur of drinks and laughter.

~ *XX* ~

Castiel was already asleep when Dean returned that evening. It wasn’t a late night by Dean’s usual standards, but the Academy had a curfew and although classes had not officially started, he wasn’t keen to test out the security that enforced that it. He suspected he’d have opportunity enough to test that out during the semester. Entering the dark room, Dean suddenly remembered he hadn’t unpacked since arriving and meeting Castiel. Swearing lightly under his breath, he set about trying to locate his bag and then rummaging through it for a night shirt. The endeavour was not an entirely quiet one and it was only a matter of time before...

“Lights,” a gravelly voice said and Dean blinked over at Castiel as he sat up in bed.

“Sorry man,” Dean said. “I just...”

“It’s okay,” Castiel said.

“I forgot to unpack and… Ah-ha!” He pulled out a white shirt and boxer shorts and grinned over at Castiel. The alcohol in his system made him feel less intimidated by his stoic roommate.

“Well done.”

Dean’s grin faded slightly at the dry tone. Was Castiel being sarcastic with him? “Sorry,” he repeated. “It won’t happen again.”

“It’s no problem. I once spent a holiday break bunking with my cousin Gabriel. Your company is much more amicable, I assure you.”

“Uh, thanks?” Dean said with a frown.

Castiel bowed his head before lowering himself back into the pillows. “Goodnight, Dean.”

“Night... Castiel,” replied Dean before shaking his head in confusion. And after he’d retreated to the bathroom to change and after he’d slipped into bed and ordered the lights off, Dean lay awake for a long while. His mind buzzed with thoughts of Castiel and of Charlie and Sam and of the Academy and mostly, of what the next four years would bring.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Four _

For more than three hundred years, Starfleet Academy has trained and educated the brightest Federation citizens. Its main campus in San Francisco, Earth, houses over a thousand students of varying species, each working their hardest to fulfil their chosen degree and earn their place in Starfleet.  But before this, was the famed orientation week. It was famed for two reasons: _1._ it followed a tradition right back to the nineteenth century and, _2._ it ended with The Orientation Function (read: end of orientation booze up), which saw many a freshman overindulge on the free alcohol provided. The actual orientation part of orientation week at Starfleet Academy was split into two, three-day sessions, parts of which were optional depending on how comfortable individuals felt with their surroundings. The first involved basic activities showing new cadets the facilities, clubs, sports teams, the best places to socialise and where you could find snacks at 3AM to help with studying. For the latter, cadets were split into course specific groups and shown their home buildings and offered the chance to meet the professors.

Dean awoke on the Monday of orientation week to an empty room. Castiel had apparently left for breakfast already, leaving an immaculately made bed in his wake. With a groan worthy of a porn star, Dean stretched out and after remaining under the warm cocoon of blankets for a moment longer, he got out of bed. This was it. Orientation week. Meeting people, sorting out classes, joining clubs, socialising. All the things Dean had inadvertently avoided for the majority of his life. With a nervous feeling growing in his gut, Dean went about getting ready for the day. He was just about to leave the room, when he rushed back to make his own bed. It was perhaps not as perfect as Castiel’s, but it was the attempt that counted.

The mess hall was busy when Dean arrived (he suspected if he had woken up earlier it would not have been so hectic). After piling a plate high with toast, bacon, and eggs, Dean scanned the hall. His eyes eventually found Castiel, who was sitting alone at the end of a corner table, and Dean made towards him. He wasn’t sure if he liked Castiel yet, but if he was to spend the next year living with him, Dean felt he should make an effort to get to know him. Castiel had finished his food and was nursing a steaming cup of tea and looking thoughtful when Dean approached.

“Hey, um, can I join you?”

Castiel’s eyes flicked up to Dean and a brief look of confusion crossed his face before he nodded. “Of course.”

“Thanks,” Dean said with a smile. The pair sat in silence for a moment. The only sounds were the scraping of cutlery against plates and the chatter of the other cadets as they gushed and bemoaned over their breakfast, equal parts excited and nervous about the coming years. “Sorry again for waking you last night,” Dean said, more to break the silence between them than anything else.

“There is no need to apologise,” Castiel said.

“Okay,” Dean said and when the silence fell again it was less comfortable. “So, do you know many other people here?”

The look of confusion flashed across Castiel’s face again, as though he was surprised by Dean talking to him. “Not many, no,” he said. “A couple of my relatives also attend the academy, but that is all. My brothers Balthazar and Uriel are in their third year and my cousins Gabriel and Anna are in first year like us.”

“I know,” Dean said, before he could stop himself.

“Yes, but how did you-”

“I think my brother is sharing a room with Gabriel and my friend Charlie is with Anna. The topic of roommates came up last night when I was out with them.”

“Oh,” Castiel uttered, a hint of surprise showing on his usually blank face. “If I get the chance to meet your brother you must remind me to wish him the best of luck. He may need it if he is sharing a room with my cousin.”

Dean was startled into a snorting laugh and was eternally grateful he had finished eating by this point. “Seriously? Is he really that bad?”

“Gabriel is fond of jokes,” Castiel said carefully. “He enjoys aggravating people and seems to thrive on their misfortunes at times. We often refer to him as the prankster of our family. It takes a while to become immune to it.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Dean said with a smile. “I hope Sam is up to it.”

Dean and Castiel stuck together after breakfast as they made their way to the assembly hall where they would be split into orientation groups. While it was clear the half-Vulcan was not much of a talker, he answered Dean’s probing questions about what he was studying (archaeology and anthropology) and where he hoped he would end up (on a starship mission). In return Dean talked about his own ambitions about becoming an engineer and Castiel listened so intently it was as though Dean was the only person in the world.

They met up with Charlie and Sam, who were mercifully in the same group as Dean and Castiel, after the assembly had finished. Introductions were given and while Sam and Castiel talked about some archaeological topic, Charlie subtly nudged Dean.

“Nice work with this one!” she whispered. “He seems dreamy.”

Dean elbowed her back. “Like you can talk, Miss-sharing-a-room-with-Anna-beautiful-doctor-redhead-Milton.”

“Shush!” she said, but giggled in spite of herself.   

The four of them followed the rest of the red-clothed crowd out the doors and into the sunlit courtyard. Charlie hooked her arm through Castiel’s, much to his shock, and led him away to find the rest of their group. Watching them with a look of bewilderment, Dean shook his head before turning back to Sam only to discover another man standing beside them. He was a clear foot shorter than Sam and was grinning around a lollipop in his mouth. “So you must be Dean Winchester,” he said offering a hand to Dean and removing the candy from his mouth with the other. “I’m Gabriel Milton. Your giant brother’s roommate. I hear you got my Cassie. Best of luck to you,” he grinned.

“Thanks,” Dean said, not sure how to react. “Nice to meet you.”

Gabriel’s grin widened and Dean found himself wondering if he ever stopped smiling. “You’re studying engineering, aren’t you?”

“Yeah...”

“You know,” Gabriel began; his voice and smile dropping to something serious. “It’s been statistically proven that you’re more likely to be killed wearing red.” He turned to Sam, the smile reappearing on his face. “Remind me, what colour do engineers wear on starships?”

“Red,” Sam said, almost reluctantly as he caught sight of Dean’s I-am-not-amused face.

“Gee, thanks for that,” said Dean sarcastically. Though Castiel had warned him about Gabriel’s way with people, Dean still felt himself being riled.

“No worries, sport,” Gabriel grinned cheerfully, obviously ignoring the sarcasm. “Just keeping you informed.”

Unable to help himself, Dean flipped him off and Gabriel gave a mock salute in reply before leaving to find his own group, popping the candy back into his mouth with great familiarity as he did so. “Why are you even friends with that guy, Sammy?” Dean asked.

Sam shrugged. “He’s my roommate? And he’s nicer when you get to know him,” he offered.

Dean’s response was to grunt and roll his eyes. “He greeted me and implied I was going to die in basically the same sentence.”

“That’s Gabriel for you,” a beautiful red headed woman said as she joined them. “I’m Anna, by the way. We’re in the same orientation group, I think.”

“Dean Winchester, and this is my brother, Sam,” Dean said, still half glaring at Gabriel’s back.

“You’re Charlie’s roommate,” Sam said. Anna smiled and bobbed her head in agreement as Sam offered a hand. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” she said and then paused as her face creased into a small frown. “Gabriel hasn’t been too infuriating has he?”

“Yes,” Dean said instantly and Sam elbowed him.

“No, he’s been fine,” Sam amended with a smile. “Although, I have a feeling the only reason he’s studying interspecies law and ethics is so he can find loopholes.”

“Sounds about right,” muttered Dean darkly as Anna giggled in obvious agreement. 

Dean had some difficulties keeping up after that, as Charlie and Castiel returned with half a dozen new faces in tow. Provided he had remembered correctly, after Anna Milton, there were two other women, Jessica Moore and Becky Rosen, both of which blushed quite madly when introduced to Sam. Dean made a mental reminder to congratulate his brother on that. There was also Bela Talbot, who would be studying medicine with Anna, and Garth Fitzgerald, who seemed a little cheesy despite the fact he was studying plasma physics. And lastly there was Alistair Rolston, a tall man with piercing eyes and a dark face, who was studying engineering too. Dean should have been glad to have someone to talk to about their upcoming classes, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to approach him; Alistair was tall and intimidating and carried himself with an air that implied he could quite easily kill you if you messed with him. So Dean kept his distance, chatting with Anna and Castiel instead.

Their first activity involved a tour of the main buildings of the Starfleet Academy San Francisco campus, which ended outside the library where dozens of stalls were assembled, advertising for the various societies, clubs and extra-curricular activities the academy provided. They’d been told that it was highly recommended they each join at least one of these for the entirety of their academic career.

“What do you think, Sammy? The academy football team? Or the wrestling squad?” Dean asked, mock serious.

“Mourning the fact there isn’t a Classic Rock Appreciation Society?” Sam asked, quirking a grin. Dean glared. “I’m going to check out the debate team.”

“Of course you are,” Dean said, but he smiled fondly at Sam’s retreating form.

“Are there any clubs you’re thinking of joining?” Dean turned to Castiel instead.

“I believe there is a Historical Club, which would greatly aid my current course in archaeology and anthropology,” Castiel said.

“Sounds good,” Dean said, genuinely meaning it. “Hm, I wonder if there is a Pie Appreciation Society. I love me some pie.”

“Pie?” Castiel asked with a frown.

“Dude, yes! Pie is the most delicious food ever.”

“I can’t say I’ve tried it before,” Castiel said, clearly unaware of the effect that sentence would have on Dean.

“You’ve never had pie before?!” Dean cried, mouth hanging open in shock.

“No.”

“Okay, this is the plan then. We are going to join some societies, and then we are going to find the nearest place that sells pies and buy you some.”

“Dean, we have more orientation activities after this,” Castiel pointed out. “It would be unwise to leave.”

Dean thought about arguing, but he knew Castiel was right. “Soon then,” he said and added with a familiarity usually reserved for family members, “but you’re not getting out of it that easily.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Castiel said, a hint of a smile curving his lips. Dean smiled back and ignored the odd flip his stomach did at the other man’s expression.

An exhaustive search of the stalls turned up not a single Pie Appreciation Society, nor a Classic Rock Appreciation Society. Therefore, an hour later found Dean signing his name onto the Academy Baseball Team. He’d passed the stall and been filled with sudden memories of playing T-Ball and catch with his father. He hadn’t been able to resist after that, feeling as though his father would have been proud of him for it. 


	5. Chapter 5

_ Five _

_“Dean! Take your brother outside as fast as you can! Don’t look back! Now Dean! Go! Go!”_

_“But Dad-”_

_“GO!”_

_Dean is running, heat from the fire is making him sweat. Sam squirms in his arms, but he doesn’t stop. He has to get out. The crashed shuttle could explode at any moment. And Dean doesn’t want to think about what has happened to his mother._

_He can hear his father shouting somewhere behind him. “Mary! Mary, no!”_

_Dean keeps running and then John is lifting him up and they’re running farther away, together. There’s an explosion and Dean can feel the heat on his face. He buries into his father’s shoulder to escape it._

_He feet are touching the ground seconds later. “Dean, did you get Sammy? Dean, are you okay? Dean! Dean!”_

“Dean!”

Dean awoke with a gasp, his eyes flying open to reveal Castiel’s face hovering inches above his, visible by the low light setting. “Cas!”

“You were dreaming,” Castiel said, a slight frown creasing his features. “And thrashing about. I thought it best if I woke you.”

“Nightmare,” grunted Dean in reply as he struggled to sit up. His sheets were damp with sweat and his shirt was stuck uncomfortably to his back. “Thanks.”

Dean concentrated on peeling the shirt off and throwing it onto the floor, refusing to meet Castiel’s eyes. He wasn’t sure he liked Castiel seeing this side of him; something that was so fundamentally personal and private. Term hadn’t even officially started at the Academy, he’d only known Castiel a few days and already the half-Vulcan knew about the nightmares. Dean had been having them ever since  _that night_. At least once a month the visions would return to haunt him and Dean would wake up coated in sweat and tears. He wiped a hand over his face, hoping the dim light would hide any embarrassing tear tracks. Castiel, perhaps sensing his discomfort, stepped back and retreated to his own bed. “You’re welcome,” he said softly.

“Lights, off,” Dean muttered and the room was thrown back in darkness. Silence fell. “Sorry.”

“You do not need to apologise to me,” Castiel said.

“Oh.”

“Given your history, it is entirely understandable.”

Dean squirmed, fighting down a rush of anger. “You know?”

“Yes,” Castiel said simply. “I am sorry.”

“How?”

“I suspect many people know, Dean. But out of courtesy, they have not mentioned it.” There was a sympathetic tone to his voice, but not one of pity. “The crash was widely reported, as was your father’s departure afterwards.”

“Oh...” Dean murmured, feeling idiotic for not remembering that. “Well, yeah... I knew that... I just...” he trailed off. “You won’t tell anyone about the... this... will you?”

“No,” Castiel said firmly.

“Thank you,” Dean said and his first impression of Castiel changed. Sure, he was too polite and reserved and seemed to have more Vulcan in him than Human, but Dean saw him differently now. Castiel could feel and express sympathy and concern for others.

“You’re welcome.”

They fell into silence again and just when Dean thought Castiel was sleeping once more, the man spoke.“You called me ‘Cas’.”

Dean screwed up his face. “Uh... yeah.”

“Why?”

“It’s less of a mouthful than ‘Castiel’”

“You’re proposing a nickname?”

Dean gave a light huff of laughter. “Sure, if you want.”

The room fell quiet again, but a few minutes later a small voice said, “I’d like that. I’ve never had a nickname before. Unless you count Gabriel’s chosen term of endearment, ‘Cassie’, which I tend not to.”

Dean opened his mouth to reply, but then closed it again. His heart seemed to squeeze tightly in his chest in sympathy as the notion hit him. Castiel had spent so many years already never fully belonging to one species; never having any true friends. In that moment, Dean vowed he would change that. The guy deserved more, even if he was stoic and infuriatingly beautiful at times. “No worries, man... Cas.”

And even in the darkness, Dean knew that Castiel was smiling.

~ *XX* ~

The next two days of Orientation Week ran smoothly. Dean and Castiel became more comfortable in each other’s company, and evenings were spent talking together in their room, each of them trying to work out the other with questions about interests and family and career goals. Castiel’s jaw had clenched when Dean asked more about his family, and Dean knew enough to read the hazard signs and instantly started telling the story of the time Sam lost his shoe to lighten the mood.

Dean came to enjoy these moments with Castiel, especially when they split up into their course specific orientation. For Dean the first day entailed a lot of tours of the engineering buildings and impressive laboratories and meeting his lecturers for the coming years. Everyone got excited when they were introduced to Mr Montgomery Scott, who insisted on being called Scotty and who was apparently the most successful engineer Starfleet had produced. But Dean had missed the memo it seemed and didn’t know him from Adam. It was the second day of the engineering orientation the most eventful, however, for two reasons.

Dean had been standing off to one side during their lunch break when he was approached by an unshaven man. “I’m Benny. Benjamin Lafitte,” the man said in a Southern drawl. “You looked kinda alone, so I thought I’d join you.”

“Dean Winchester,” Dean said, offering a hand and trying not to be daunted by Benny’s upfront manner. “Studying engineering too, I take it.”

“Wouldn’t be here if I weren’t,” Benny said and Dean gave a shaky smile.

“Enjoying it all so far?”

“Hasn’t been too bad,” Benny allowed, shrugging and Dean had to agree with that.

They covered the usual introductory topics during the next half hour of break. Benny was the first in his family to attend Starfleet and his parents had been embarrassingly proud about it. "I'm currently trying to convince them to stop sending me daily comms," he said, with a fondly irritated look. Dean's smile didn't reach his eyes. What he wouldn't give to have both his parents comming him every day...

The courtyard in which they were lunching had cleared as cadets finished eating and went off to explore nearby areas. And it was then that a rough voice reached Dean’s ears and he felt himself harden in anger at the words. “Do you have any idea how relieved I am to not have that half-breed Vulcan in my group anymore?” It was Alistair Rolston, the tall man who had been in their group for the first part of orientation. Since then, he had acquired two cronies who now laughed at his comment. “Types like him don’t belong here.”

Unable to stop himself, Dean walked over to them. There was only one person Alistair could be referring to. “Excuse me,” Dean said tightly. “What did you say?”

Alistair regarded him as one might regard a meal, and a sinister smile broke across his face. “What’s it to you, Winchester?”

“That’s my friend you’re talking about,” Dean said, surprising even himself with the use of the word ‘friend’.

The smile of Alistair’s face widened as he turned to his friends. “It seems I was mistaken. Not only do half-Vulcan types not belong here, but neither do their outspoken little fuck buddies.”

“Dean,” Benny said warningly, placing a hand on Dean’s shoulder. They’d known each other for approximately half an hour, but Benny already knew what Dean was thinking. “Leave ‘em.”

“After that?!” Dean hissed in outrage and started forward.

“Dean!”

But before anyone could stop him and before Dean knew quite what he was doing, his hand was raised and he was throwing a punch at Alistair’s face. While his punch hit the other man squarely in the jaw, it did not seem to affect Alistair at all.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean cried, massaging his knuckles. The guy’s jaw was like a brick wall. Alistair slowly twisted his neck from side to side, a motion that made him appear creepier than before.

“It’s sweet how you think you have a chance against me,” Alistair said.

“Shut it, douche bag,” Dean snapped, panting with anger.

Alistair’s only response was to grin again and Dean wanted nothing more than to wipe it off his face. The next punch the threw, was intercepted by Alistair’s hand and Dean felt himself being twisted around as his arm was thrust up his back. “I did warn you,” Alistair whispered, leaning in so his breath brushed Dean’s earlobe. “You got a lot to learn, boy.”

Struggling against the taller man’s vice-like grip, Dean swore and kicked out, aiming for Alistair’s shins. The attempt was in vain, however, as Alistair tightened his hold. “Let me go,” Dean growled.

“You know, I don’t think so,” Alistair said and Dean heard laughter issue from Alistair’s friends.

“I really think you should let him go,” a familiar voice suddenly interrupted. Silence fell upon everyone in the near vicinity and Dean tried to wriggle into a position to better see the arrival of Castiel.

“Do you now?” Alistair said, his voice taking on a truly hateful tone.

“Yes,” Castiel said in a deep warning voice. “Let him go.”

There was a pause and then Dean was thrown unceremoniously to the side, his arm bending uncomfortably as he hit the ground. “Cas,” he gasped out, trying to dissuade him from fighting Alistair. Castiel had many abilities, but against the strong bulk of Alistair, Dean didn’t like his chances.

“There you go,” sneered Alistair. “All let go.”

Castiel’s punch caught Alistair by surprise and he stumbled back a few paces. The speed at which Castiel had closed the gap between them to hit Alistair was incredible and the taller man had not expected it. From somewhere to Dean’s left, Benny let out a gleeful cry. Alistair rubbed his jaw and smiled.

“Oh, you’re gonna have to get more creative than that to impress me,” he said.

“As you wish,” Castiel said simply and his next lightening quick punch hit Alistair in the stomach and he doubled over, groaning. Dean scrambled up and out of the way and went to stand by Benny, who shot him a concerned look.

“Very good,” Alistair croaked, though a hint of worry now masked his face. He took a deep breath, then stood upright again and threw a punch at Castiel. The half-Vulcan dodged it with apparent ease, then reach out in an obvious attempt at a Vulcan Nerve Pinch. Alistair peddled backwards wildly and toppled over in an effort to get out of reach.

“Impressive enough for you?” Castiel asked, the faintest hint of satisfaction in his voice.

Alistair ignored him in favour of angrily getting up and straightening his reds. “Let’s get out of here,” he said, turning to his friends. “I don’t want to waste any more time in the company of _this._ ”

Dean started forward again on reflex, but Castiel stepped in front of him and gave the tiniest shake of his head. “It’s not worth it, Dean.”

“You better watch yourselves, though,” Alistair said. “You might not be so lucky next time.” He turned and began to walk away.

“Whatever,” Dean said, watching the retreating forms of Alistair and his cronies. The small crowd that had gathered around them broke into excited chatter before disbanding. Dean shook his head to clear it and blinked to refocus on Castiel. “Dude! I honestly didn’t think you’d be able to take him! Where’d you learn that?”

“My brothers would practise combat with me and eventually, I had to learn how to fight back,” Castiel said, ducking his head. “Traditional Vulcan fighting relies more on speed and agility, rather than pure brute strength.”

“That’s obvious,” Benny said. “If he’d been a second slowly, you’d have had him unconscious with your Vulcan Nerve Pinching skills.” When Castiel frowned at him, Dean made quick introductions.

“Cas, Benny. Benny, Cas,” Dean said, then paused in sudden realisation. “Wow, I sure know how to make a first impression.”

“It’s a good impression,” Benny said, unfazed. “Good to know my new friend is so protective of his own friends.”

“Thanks,” Dean said. Then, sighing, he ran a hand through his hair. Proper classes hadn’t even started and he’d already made an enemy.

“Alistair’s going to make our life hell now, isn’t he?”

“Torturous hell,” Benny agreed, sympathetically.

“Sorry,” Castiel said. “I shouldn’t have interfered.”

Dean considered agreeing with this statement from Castiel, but he kept it to himself.  Castiel had been standing up for himself as much as he had been for Dean. “Don’t,” Dean said, with a shake of his head. “I appreciated it. My shoulder was getting pretty sore there.”

“And if you hadn’t stepped in when you did, I would have,” Benny said simply.

Castiel bowed his head in a silent acceptance of this and the three of them began heading back to the dormitories; the afternoon orientation activities seemed futile after the excitement. “Are you okay?” Castiel asked, glancing sideways at Dean.

“I’m fine,” Dean replied quickly. “Shoulder’s a little sore, but nothing too serious.”

“I can have Anna look at it if you like,” Castiel said.

“No, no,” Dean shook his head. “It’s fine. Really. I’ve had worse. What about you?”

“He didn’t touch me,” Castiel said and Dean gave a smile.

“I saw, man. Alistair didn’t land a single punch on you.”

Castiel’s face pulled into a strangled smile and there was a hint of foreboding in his voice as he said. “Not this time.”


	6. Chapter 6

_ Six _

On Saturday, Dean returned from his final engineering laboratory tour to find Castiel sitting at the desk in their room reading. He glanced up at the whoosh of the door and nodded to Dean.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said. Then he frowned as he noticed Castiel’s casual attire. “You coming tonight?”

“The Orientation Function?”

“It’s called a party,” Dean said, grinning in fond amusement. “But yeah. Are you?”

Castiel ducked his head. “I hadn’t planned on attending.”

“Why not?” Dean asked, walking over to the other man and leaning against the wall next to him. He fixed Castiel with a questioning look.

“I didn’t think I’d be welcomed,” he said, at last. “I do not wish to cause any further trouble.”

Dean’s mind flashed back to their earlier encounter with Alistair and his friends. Castiel did have a point, but at the same time he knew it wasn’t right for the guy to miss out just because of some idiots. “They’re the ones who caused the trouble,” Dean said firmly. “And they’re not stupid enough to do it again at the party.”

“I was under the impression they were, as you put it, stupid enough,” Castiel said mildly. Dean snorted.

“Fair point,” he said. “But come anyway. Charlie and Sam will be there and your cousins too. It’ll be fun.” Castiel hesitated and Dean wondered if he even knew the definition of fun. Eventually though, the half-Vulcan nodded and Dean grinned. “Awesome. Come on then, you can’t wear that!”

~ *XX* ~

Charlie met them outside the hall that held the student gathering. Anna stood beside her and the pair wore matching smiles.

“Here’s trouble,” Dean said as way of greeting. They looked eerily similar with their red hair.

“Hey you two,” Charlie said. “Ready to get this party started?”

Repressing a snort of laughter, Dean just grinned. “Sure.”

The four of them entered the hall and for a moment simply looked around at the general splendour, the sound system, the tables and the throngs of people. At one end, the Starfleet Academy logo hung over a bar which was barely visible through the crowd.

“Wow,” Dean said. “I think I was in here for an engineering introduction earlier this week.”

“Changed much?” Anna said.

“Just a little,” Dean replied mildly. “Hey Sammy,” he added as Sam and Gabriel approached them.

“I was just thinking, shall we secure one of those tables before they’re all gone?” Gabriel said and with general assent, the six of them headed towards the nearest table, located towards the side of the hall.

“So, what’s this I hear about you and Castiel getting into a fight earlier this week?” Charlie asked, sliding into a chair beside Dean.

“What?” Sam’s face crumpled in concern. “Dean-”

“It was nothing,” Dean said, shooting a glare at Charlie for bringing the topic up in front of Sam. She gave a guilty wince.

“Why am I only hearing about it now then?” Sam demanded.

“Because it was nothing,” Dean reiterated.

Sam opened his mouth to reprimand Dean further, when a large hand clapped him on the shoulder and a deep voice said. “Relax, man. I was there and it was nothing. Castiel wasn’t even touched and the few bumps Dean here got were nothing he couldn’t handle.”

“What the-” Sam turned in his chair and jerked out of reach of Benny Lafitte. “Who the hell are you?”

“Sam, this is Benny,” Dean said. “He’s taking engineering with me.”

“Sam Winchester. Your brother’s told me all about you,” Benny drawled, causing Sam to frown.

“Uh, thanks?” Sam said. He looked between Benny and Dean a few times before giving his brother a quizzical look. Dean shrugged, unsure of what Sam was getting at.

Benny, clearly sensing the tension between the two brothers, took a step backwards. “Well nice meeting you, Sam. And I’ll see you later, Dean.” He nodded a farewell before vanishing into the steadily growing crowd.

“What was that, dude?” Dean demanded of Sam the second Benny was out of earshot.

Sam was saved from answering as Anna leaned forward and announced they get drinks. “Sam, did you want to help carry?” With the tension successfully diffused, they settled into easy conversation, helped along by the alcohol. Music started up from somewhere and an impromptu dance floor took shape near the bar. The song was one Dean didn't recognise, but was about as far from classic rock as possible. Suppressing a shudder, he took a long pull of his drink and watched the throngs of students dance and sway to the beat, shouting to be heard above the music. So many fresh, excited faces. It was strange to think that not everyone here would make it. Statistically, only about 60% of cadets would successfully graduate from the Academy; even less would make it to a starship. A thrill of fear shot through Dean: what if he was one of the 40% that didn't make it?

“Can I get you another drink, Dean?”

Dean blinked in surprise, first at the empty glass in his hand and then at Castiel. He'd lost track of the conversation in his reverie and took a moment to glance guiltily at the others. To Castiel he said, “Uh, sure. A beer, thanks.”

“What type?”

“Any of the human ones,” Dean said with a small smile. “We can move onto that stronger Romulan stuff later.”

“Or never,” Sam muttered. “That stuff is lethal.”

“Maybe for girls like you,” Dean said, retorting as though it were second nature.

Charlie punched him in the shoulder, taking faux insult at his use of the term ‘girl’. “Hey!”

“One human beer then,” Castiel said and without waiting for another comment, he walked over to the bar.

“That was sweet,” Charlie said to no one in particular and Dean raised his eyebrow at her. “What? He went to get you a drink. That’s sweet!”

“It kinda is,” Sam admitted.

“That’s Castiel for you,” Anna said fondly. “He doesn’t see it as sweet though. I think it’s the Vulcan in him.”

“It’d be sweeter if he offered to get drinks for all of us,” Gabriel said. “And not just for his-” Anna shot him a warning look, “-friend?”

“He couldn’t carry them all. He’s half Vulcan, not half Edosian,” Anna said, referring to the species renown for having three arms. 

“For which I’m mostly grateful,” Gabriel muttered under his breath as Castiel reappeared and placed a glass of amber liquid on the table in front of Dean.

“Thanks Cas,” Dean said with a smile. He then frowned. “You didn’t get anything for yourself?”

“I’m fine for now,” Castiel said reassuringly.

The party continued around them, as people came and went, offering greetings and cheerful slaps on the back as more alcohol was consumed. Dean stayed at the table with Castiel, who was clearly uncomfortable amongst a large crowd. In a time past, Dean would have mingled and flirted with many an attractive person and maybe reluctantly danced. But he wasn’t heartless enough to leave Castiel seated in a corner by himself. After all, Dean was the one who persuaded Castiel to come.

The music, mercifully, changed and Dean was surprised to hear a more upbeat remix of Stairway to Heaven. "Zeppelin!" he exclaimed in excitement to Castiel. The half-Vulcan tilted his head in confusion and Dean launched into a biography of the band Led Zeppelin and Stairway to Heaven while Castiel listen patiently. "The original is better," Dean concluded with a nod.

"I would like to hear it one day," Castiel said and Dean beamed at him. 

Gabriel and Anna returned and tried to cajole Castiel into dancing with them, but to no avail. Gabriel started threatening cruel pranks when Dean stepped in and suggested a compromise. He didn't like his chances of being exempt from Gabriel's pranks when he lived with Castiel. And so Castiel agreed to join his cousins at the bar for several shots. The silent look he gave Dean as he left was one of gratefulness. Dean sat back with a nod and watched them go before his eyes flicked back to the dance floor, where Sam was being dragged onto it by a woman Dean recognised as Becky Rosen. Her enthusiasm and Sam’s apparent lack of it was a comical sight and Dean made a mental note to tease Sam about it later.

"Hey, did you end up getting a Romulan Ale?" Charlie said, appearing out of nowhere and sitting with an audible thump in Castiel's empty chair.

Dean snorted and shook his head. "Not tonight."

"I’ll buy?"

"You just want me to get drunk enough to dance, don't you?" Dean said accusingly. "And hey, alcohol is free at this event, cheapskate!"

"Guilty," Charlie grinned. "It will happen one day."

Dean was about to tell her how very wrong she was when sudden movement over Charlie's shoulder made him glance up. “Oh great,” Dean groaned, looking over Charlie’s shoulder as the large form of Alistair became visible through the crowd. Charlie risked a look, following Dean’s gaze. She turned back around in an instant.

“That’s the guy, Castiel and you fought?”

“Yeah,” Dean said. Alistair had noticed him staring and for a fraction of a second their eyes met. As Dean had predicted, there were too many people for Alistair and his friends to risk anything. Instead, the large man glared, raising his chin just a fraction in challenge. Dean looked away, determined to ignore it.

“And Castiel practically beat him?” Charlie said, surprised. “That guy’s got to be twice his size!”

“Tell me about it,” Dean said.

“Kudos to him.”

Dean nodded and didn’t tell her how Alistair was not yet defeated and, if anything, they’d only succeeded in making an enemy of him. At that moment, a shadow fell across the table and Dean flinched, his mind still on Alistair and his friends. He looked up to see, not Alistair, but a tall, blue skinned man with antennae protruding from his white hair. “Care to join for me for a dance?”

“Oh,” Dean blinked in surprised and felt himself turn red. “Uh, not tonight thanks.”

“Perhaps another time,” the Andorian said, with a wink. Dean gave a friendly smile as he retreated.

“What was that?” Charlie said, shocked. “He was totally into you!”

Dean shot her a glance as he took a sip of his drink. “I wasn’t interested.”

Charlie frowned and then fixed him with a curious look. “You are into guys too, right?”

“I swing both ways,” Dean said in confirmation.

“Just not other species?”

“Other species are fine,” Dean said, not mentioning the sexual relations he’d had with an Orion cadet on leave back in Kansas.  “But it’s literally the first week. I don’t want to be known as  _that_  guy.” It was a pretty poor excuse, given Dean’s somewhat promiscuous behaviour in his years back in Kansas. But Dean didn’t want to tell her that he didn’t want to screw this up. He wanted to start his Academy life with a relatively clear head and steady determination, not waking up in the bed of a stranger after a one-night stand.

Charlie looked at him for a long moment and then nodded in understanding, as though she could read his mind.

~ *XX* ~

Sam re-joined him again towards the end of the evening. Castiel had been unaffected by the shots, which Dean had expected, but had announced he was retiring for the evening shortly after. If Dean was sad to see him go, he wasn’t going to mention it.

“Hey,” Sam greeted.

“Enjoy yourself out there?” Dean said with a small smirk.

“Shut up,” Sam said, making a face.

“Becky looked like she was,” Dean replied and Sam rewarded him with a bitchface.

“How’s your night been?”

“Not bad. Had fun watching you.”

“Dean...”  Dean rolled his eyes, but stopped his teasing. “So, you enjoying it?”

“What? Starfleet?”

“Yeah man,” Sam said.

Dean broke into an involuntary smile. “I am,” he said. “It’s been... awesome.”

“You haven’t even started yet,” Sam grinned.

“I know,” Dean said. “It’s just the atmosphere here, you know.”

“Yeah,” Sam said fondly. He paused as though gathering himself. “Hey, you’re still not thinking about what Dad would think, are you?” Sam peered at Dean, a little accusingly.

“No,” Dean said all too quickly. Sam saw right through him, of course and opened his mouth to argue. “Don’t,” Dean cut him off. “I know what you’re going to say.”

Sam put his hands up placating. “Okay. I’m not saying anything.”

Nodding, Dean did a good job of ignoring his brother for a few moments and took a long drink of beer. He should have known Sam would bring this up. As much as he loved him, Dean hated that Sam wanted to talk about these things.

“Look, you’ve got to stop brooding over whether or not dad would have been proud of you for studying engineering,” Sam finally said, seemingly unable to help himself. “You’ve spent so long worrying about what Dad would have thought that you’ve forgotten about everyone else. And I for one am proud of you, Dean.” He smiled and clapped a hand on his brother’s shoulder before making to leave.

“Sam,” Dean said, and the taller man turned back. “Thanks.”

Sam smiled.


	7. Chapter 7

_ Seven _

“For the first six months of your first year, you will be placed in a preparatory squad with nine other cadets. The purpose of this is to ensure that every cadet can work as an efficient unit and gain basic knowledge in all disciplines.” The commanding voice of Naomi Tapping rang out through the assembly hall. Dean leant forward slightly and exchanged a look with Charlie, who was sitting on the other side of Castiel. She gave a grimace that expressed part of the anxiety Dean was feeling.

The Monday morning of the first week of classes had passed in a blur. Dean and Castiel had woken early, breakfasted and reported straight to the assembly hall with the rest of the first year cadets. They had been allowed a few moments of chatter with Charlie and Anna who met them inside before Rear Admiral Naomi Tapping had entered with four others, called for silence and introduced herself as Head of Starfleet Academy Curriculum.

“You will be trained in combat, survival, self defence and fitness, as well as basic officer training, tactics, science, engineering, history, politics and Starfleet regulations,” Naomi continued. “I am not going to sugar coat it for you because I think you’re all smarter than that. It’s going to be a lot of work. You will be physically and mentally exhausted, but it is a necessity that must be completed.” She paused and looked around at them all. “Starfleet only accepts the best. Therefore, if by the end of the six months you are unable to keep up, you will be deemed unfit for duty and asked to leave the Academy.”

A murmur spread through the gathered crowd at her words and Dean let out a low whistle. He’d known this already of course, but to hear it voiced in such a stern tone made it seem all the more real and frightening.

“Quiet please,” Naomi said after a few moments of whispering. The noise instantly died. “Before I call out your prep groups, let me introduce my fellow instructors. Joining me this semester will be Crowley MacLeod,” a round-faced, dark haired main in a black suit gave a small wave. “Jody Mills,” the brown haired women next to Crowley nodded. “Pamela Barnes,” a lady wearing a VISOR over her eyes lifted a hand in greeting. “And last, but certainly not least, Rufus Turner,” the large black man who seemed to dwarf the rest gave a salute. “The five of us will be your teachers in both physical and theoretical education. A number of guest professors will also join us in your theoretical classes. If you miss a day of classes, we will all expect a certificate from medical excusing you. I think that’s all.” She turned to look at her colleagues and they all nodded in accord. “Right, I will read out your prep groups. Please, no talking until I have finished. Timetables, reading lists and mandatory event programs will be sent to your comms shortly after we disband. Theoretical classes take place in the morning and physical training in the afternoon.”

Dean ended up in a group with Castiel, Benny, Charlie, Jessica, Alistair, Bela, and three new people he hadn’t met before: Kevin Tran, Lisa Braeden and Amy Pond. The ten of them had a few moments of introductions before they were rushed to their first class of the semester: history and politics. Alistair had been perfectly civil towards everyone else, but had glared at Dean, Castiel and Benny. Dean could feel the hatred rolling off him in waves and wondered (not for the last time) how someone could be so intolerable.

The classroom which held their first class was bright and welcoming. Four rows of desks with built in monitors were lit up by light streaming in from the windows.

“Good morning,” a bearded man, who was quite obviously their professor, greeted as they entered the room. “Take a seat wherever you like.”

Dean took a seat between Castiel and Charlie and watched as the room slowly filled with students, all looking apprehensive and excited. History and politics didn't sound like the most invigorating class, but Dean still felt excitment buzzing within himself too. The room was bright, he was sitting with his friends and, after all, it was their first class and therefore warranted excitement.

“Welcome to History and Politics of Starfleet and the United Federation,” the professor said and the few remnants of chatter ceased instantly at his words. “My name is Professor Frank Devereaux and I’ll be your teacher in this subject for your first month here.” He paused to smile at them all; an expression that somehow did not reach his eyes. “Since this is your first class, we’re going to run through basic operating of your monitors and logging your presence here in the classroom.”

Professor Devereaux instructed them in accessing their monitors and signing in. Dean glanced around at the other students before he entered his name onto the screen. Almost instantly, words flashed up welcoming him.

“Well that’s friendly,” Charlie murmured sardonically and Dean looked over at the large ‘WELCOME CADET CHARLENE BRADBURY’ that embossed her monitor.

“I don’t think the Academy is down with nicknames yet,” Dean said, trying not to laugh at the unimpressed expression she wore.

“While I do encourage stimulating conversation,” Devereaux’s voice rang out and Dean looked up to find the professor staring pointedly at him. “I expect it to be done only when instructed. This exercise can be completed quietly. If you have any questions, please raise your hand.” Dean ducked his head and pulled a face at Charlie before looking back at his monitor and following the instructions to log his time in class.

After everyone had set up their monitors, Devereaux called for their attention once more. He pressed the control panel at the front of the room and the friendly light from the windows was shut out as the glass darkened. A faint hush of whispers diffused through the room and the large display screen lit up showing a detailed flow chart.

“Now that we’re all settled, we shall begin by going through the syllabus for this class. Due dates for all assessments will have been sent to you already, however if you wish to make any further notes, please do so. And as previously mentioned do not hesitate to ask any questions; merely raise your hand before doing so.”

Dean sighed internally. All visions of a friendly, bright, interesting class had well and truly evaporated as quickly as the sunlight had been extinguished from the room. 

After their first class, the morning flew by. It was such a shock to Dean’s system that he felt every piece of knowledge leave his head the moment it entered. Professor Devereaux was, thankfully, the exception when it came to teaching. Their professors in tactics and in officer training were more relaxed when it came to talking in class and off-topic discussions, as long as the required work was completed.

They returned to their dormitory buildings for lunch in the mess hall, feeling mentally drained already. Castiel and Dean both took large helpings in preparation for their afternoon physical classes.

“They won’t work us too hard on the first day, will they?” Dean asked.

“If our morning classes are anything to go by, I suspect they will,” Castiel said.

They found empty seats and sat down, Dean groaning a little as he did. “But we have readings to do already. I’m going to be asleep on my feet come six o’clock.”

“Welcome to Starfleet Academy,” a steady voice said and the pair looked up at the newcomer. He had a Vulcan-like appearance much like Castiel, only his hair was brown rather than black. Dean guessed who he was before Castiel voiced a greeting.

“Balthazar. Hello.”

“Castiel,” he nodded, his eye flicking over to Dean for a fraction of a second. “How are you enjoying your first day?”

“It has been satisfactory so far,” Castiel replied. “This is my roommate, Dean Winchester.”

“Nice to meet you man,” Dean said, offering a hand.

Balthazar hesitated before taking it. “Pleasure,” he said without any emotion.

“Why are you here?” Castiel said. “You only visit campus for classes.”

“Just checking in on my little brother,” Balthazar said. He glanced at Dean again before arching his eyebrows delicately at Castiel. “Father sends his regards. He will also want to know how your first week goes. It would be... unwise not to contact him.”

“Noted,” Castiel said stiffly and Dean thought he saw a flash of anger in his eyes. “Thank you for visiting, brother.” Balthazar nodded. Then, ignoring Dean completely, he turned sharply and left.

“Well that was friendly,” Dean said. Castiel didn’t say anything; his eyes were cast down at the table. “Cas?”

Remaining silent, Castiel pushed food around his plate. Not wanting to probe, Dean stayed silent too. Finally Castiel spoke. “That was my brother, Balthazar.”

“Yeah, I got that,” Dean said. “I’m guessing you don’t often see him?”

“He has his own accommodation off campus,” Castiel said. “And we don’t frequently have reason to meet except for traditional holidays that warrant family gatherings.”

Dean briefly wondered if Vulcans celebrated Christmas. Somehow he couldn’t imagine Vulcan children believing in a fat man delivering presents from a sleigh drawn by reindeer. It was too illogical. “You don’t talk about your family often,” Dean said carefully.

“My father and I don’t get along. It has created a rift between all of us,” Castiel said.

Feeling as though this wasn’t the right time for such an intense conversation, Dean smiled sympathetically. He resisted the sudden temptation to reach across the table and squeeze Castiel’s arm. He knew, after all, exactly how it was to have a father he disagreed with.

“So where abouts is physical training held?” Dean asked, changing the topic as un-awkwardly as possible and failing.

Castiel blinked. “I think we’re in the indoor training area. It’s just across from the assembly hall, I believe.”

“Indoor stuff,” Dean said, smiling. “That shouldn’t be too strenuous then, right?”

~ *XX* ~

Physical training that afternoon did indeed take place in the indoor training area. They changed out of their tight red uniforms and into the loose grey Starfleet Academy shirts and shorts; a look that did nothing to improve one’s appearance. Crowley MacLeod stood in front of a rack of weights, still wearing his black suit which looked out of place and gave the impression he was merely there to supervise.

“The name’s Crowley. Crowley MacLeod,” he said with a crooked grin, as they all entered and sat down cross-legged on the practice mats laid out. His British accent took Dean somewhat by surprise. “And turning you all into perfect little Starfleet cadets has just made number one on my to-do list. Lucky you.” Dean heard Kevin gulp audibly at his words.  “I’m sure you’ll be relieved to know that we rotate through the groups, so I will only be your teacher for a few weeks throughout the semester.”

“Will we be starting combat training today?” Bela Talbot asked, raising her hand delicately as she spoke.

Crowley fixed her with a look that suggested he approved of her own British accent, but not of her question. “You’re getting ahead of yourself, Cadet..?”

“Talbot, sir. Bela Talbot.”

“You’re getting ahead of yourself Cadet Talbot,” Crowley continued. “The first two months will be focussed on building up your fitness and strength. Only then, you will be moved onto basic hand-to-hand combat.” Bela looked a little disappointed, but nodded in acceptance. “Now, this is all pretty straightforward, so we’ll get straight into it. Each lesson with me will start with a warm up jog around the indoor circuit followed by muscle stretches. The remainder will focus on weights and other strength training exercises, such as push ups and sit ups. I will mostly be supervising, but at the end of each week, I will be closely observing you for signs of improvement. If you do not meet my requirements, I may ask you to spend time outside of class to advance faster.”

Everyone sat very still at these words, possibly feeling just as overwhelmed as Dean.

“Okay then. Get to work,” Crowley said with a dismissive wave of his hand. There was a rush as everyone struggled to get to their feet. After a few simple warm-up stretches, they all jogged towards the indoor track and began a disjointed run. Dean fell into stride beside Castiel.

“You know how I said this wouldn’t be strenuous?” he asked, and Castiel gave a breathy hum in reply. “Well, I take it back.”

“I did have my doubts when you first expressed that opinion, yes,” Castiel said.

Dean huffed a laugh. “Thanks,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” replied Castiel, a hint of cheekiness in his voice.

Dean was about to reply, when someone large smashed into Castiel. The half-Vulcan let out a cry of surprise and staggered sideways into Dean before tripping and falling heavily. Most the class parted easily around him.

“Out of the way,” a voice Dean knew all too well growled. Alistair, looking half-annoyed-half-amused at Castiel stepped over him, making sure to kick him as he did so. It was obvious he had been the one to knock Castiel over. With a final sneer, Alistair continued running, pushing others out of the way to ensure his place at the front of the running group.

“Cas, you okay?” Dean stopped and offered Castiel a hand up.

“Fine,” Castiel said, his voice almost as low and gravelly as Alistair’s.

“Alistair’s a dick,” Dean said.

“I am inclined to agree with you,” Castiel replied. “Come on,” he added, glancing over to where Crowley was watching them. “We’re going to fall behind.” They sped up to reach the others; Castiel bent over slightly in pain from where Alistair had kicked him.

“You okay?” Charlie and Benny asked together when they rejoined the group.

“Fine,” Castiel said again.

“You should visit medical for that,” Dean said.

“I’m okay, Dean,” Castiel said, straightening automatically. He said nothing else, but eyed Alistair carefully for the rest of the class with such intensity Dean thought it would be Alistair who would need to visit medical soon. After that, the rest of the class continued without incident and they were released to head back to their dormitories. They’d survived their first day of classes at Starfleet Academy. But Dean knew it wasn’t all positive. He knew that Alistair would not relent in his bullying. And sometime soon it was going to culminate in something disastrous.


	8. Chapter 8

_ Eight _

By the end of their first two weeks living together, Dean and Castiel could do their morning routine in their sleep (and sometimes they did). Castiel would wake before Dean, using some sort of internal body clock that never failed him, and showered first. Just as he was exiting the shower cubicle, Dean’s alarm would go off. On those occasions when Dean felt like turning over and going back to sleep, Castiel would calmly order the lights to a blinding 100% and make as much noise as possible to discourage this. Dean would grumble and secretly appreciate Castiel ensuring he would be on time for classes. Castiel would wait in their room and read and when Dean was ready, the two would walk to breakfast together. It hadn’t been something they’d planned; it had just turned out that way. Sam didn’t know about it, but if he did, Dean suspected he would get all girly and smile and say how cute it was.

Although his morning schedule with Castiel was coming along nicely, Dean couldn’t say the same for his prep-squad classes. His physical training was acceptable, due to years lifting heavy car parts and trays of drinks, but he was beginning to find the basic classes more than just ‘basic’.

“Remind me, why is it necessary for a Starfleet engineer to know about the last one hundred years of Starfleet politics? ‘Cause I’m coming up empty here.”

Castiel, sitting at their desk, looked over to where Dean lay with various PADDs and notepads on his bed, and fixed him with blank look. “It is essential for all members of Starfleet to have a base knowledge of all disciplines of-”

Dean groaned, cutting Castiel off. “You sound like R.A. Tapping. Stop it. It was a rhetorical question anyway.” Shifting, as though unsure of himself, Castiel said nothing. Dean had the distinct impression he couldn’t tell if someone was being rhetorical or not. “How’s your study going anyway? Want to take a break?”

“We’ve only been studying for an hour, Dean,” Castiel said.

“Definitely time for a break then!” Dean replied, snapping an ancient book closed and ignoring the PADDs that fell to the floor. “Want to watch a holovid? I think I’ve got one of the classic Batman movies around here somewhere.”

Without waiting for a reply from Castiel, Dean leapt of his bed-slash-study-desk and began rummaging through his cupboard. He gave a triumphant cry a moment later and turned, brandishing the holovid to Castiel. Putting on a deep, gravelly voice, he said, “I’m Batman.”

Castiel, tilting his head to the side, replied, “I don’t understand that reference.”

“You’ve never seen Batman?”

“I’ve never had occasion.”

“Well we are definitely taking a break then and watching this. Come on.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Castiel left his work and the pair settled in to watch the movie; their study work was soon left forgotten on the desk (and in Dean’s case, all over his bed and on the floor).

“You know what would make this perfect?” Dean asked. “Liquorice. Perfect movie snack.” He pulled a face. “Ignore what Sam tells you about it though; he thinks peanut butter and banana sandwiches are a good idea.” Dean snorted. Castiel, however, didn’t reply and merely fixed Dean with a confused look before focussing on the movie which began to play.

Dean made a hum of annoyance before unceremoniously pushing the various PADDs and notes that had taken over his bed onto the floor. “It’s a shame we don’t get a couch or something in these rooms.”

“The larger rooms have them,” Castiel said. “But they are usually reserved for older cadets and married couples.”

“Can’t see us getting one any time soon then,” Dean said, absentmindedly. Castiel stared at him. “I mean, _me..._ not _us._ I can’t see _me_ getting one any time soon. Um...” Dean felt his face grow warm.

“I would not be opposed to living with you over multiple years of study here,” Castiel said.

Dean gave an awkward sort of laugh. “Good to know, man.” He propped himself up against the headboard of his bed. “Play,” he called to the holovid player.

Castiel watched Dean for a moment longer, his head tilted to the side again in something akin to fascination. “Lights off,” he said and the room darkened. The watched the movie in silence. Dean found it awkward at first; most of his previous movie-watching experience had involved throwing various confectionary items at Sam, or else making out with his partner at the time. Fifteen minutes in however, Castiel laughed at a joke in the movie and the air in the room seemed to lighten considerably. Dean smiled.

“ _It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.”_

Castiel made a strangled noise, causing Dean to glance at him. The movie was half way through and Dean had moved to lying on his stomach. Castiel was still sitting ram-rod straight on his own bed and had a look of pain on his face. “What?”

“Nothing, Dean.”

Looking at him, Dean frowned. “Pause,” he called out to the player. Castiel, for all his Vulcan ways, looked so suddenly broken and desolate. “Hey,” Dean said with soft concern in his voice. He lifted himself up to sit facing his roommate.

Castiel turned away, as though ashamed of whatever he was feeling. “That line from the movie: ‘It’s not who I am underneath, but what I do that defines me.’ It reminded me of something my father said to me once. It’s nothing.”

“It’s obviously something,” said Dean. He swallowed a thousand questions, thinking back to the last time they’d broached this topic after Dean had met Balthazar. “You can tell me, you know.”

A sense of unease stabbed at Dean, but he remained silent; Castiel obviously needed a moment. It was nearly five minutes before he spoke, his voice masterfully calm once more. “My father once told me that what I do with my life will define not only me, but also my family and my family name. He… he wanted me to become a captain like my brothers before me. He thinks that by studying anthropology and archaeology I am letting down and shaming the whole family.”

“Cas…”

“He believes it’s a soft choice,” Castiel said, with such restraint Dean got the impression Metatron had once phrased it a lot harsher. “My brothers have all become captains, or are in training to become captains like Uriel and Balthazar. As the youngest, I was expected to follow in their footsteps. Even Anna, who is only my cousin is studying medicine, a career more worthy than mine.” There was a bitter tone in his voice.

Dean sat stiffly in shock. He’d never heard that tone in Castiel’s voice before, nor had he heard Castiel talk for so long about something. “What about Gabriel?” he asked.

Castiel gave an uncharacteristic snort. “Gabriel. My father always said I hung around with him too much. He believed Gabriel is the reason for my... disobedience. Gabriel is not in my father’s good books.”

“Really?” Dean said, surprised. “I mean, the guy is a dick but still...” he trailed off. For a moment there was silence.

“Sorry,” Castiel murmured. “I didn’t mean to-”

“No,” Dean said, his voice thick with some unbidden emotion. “I get it. I do. My dad... he was the same. Wanted me to take over the family business, as it were, become a captain like him. So I understand what you’re going through.”

Castiel looked over at Dean and gave him a rare smile. Then, voluntarily, he reached out to grasp Dean’s forearm. “Thank you.”

Neither Castiel nor Dean mentioned their emotional conversation again. They’d watched the rest of the movie in silence and Dean had half-heartedly interrogated Castiel in order to gauge how much he’d enjoyed the movie. And life had continued as normal. Or as normal as it could be at Starfleet Academy.

~ *XX* ~

Dean watched as Castiel dropped the weights he was lifting back onto the rack and collapse back onto a nearby bench looking exhausted.

“Cadet Milton!” The sound of Captain Rufus Turner’s voice echoed around the indoor training arena. Many people stopped their own work to look at where he stood over Castiel. “Why have you stopped lifting, Cadet?” Castiel either couldn’t reply or didn’t know what to say, because he just sat in silence. “You will only stop lifting when I tell you too and I have _not_ told you too!”

“Apologies Captain Turner,” Castiel panted.

“On my count then,” Turner said. With the tiniest of groans, Castiel resettled himself and prepared to take the weight. “Lift, Cadet! Lift. Lift. Lift.”

Dean watched as pain flickered over Castiel’s face, growing with each lift of the weights. Academy rules stated the instructors weren’t allowed to physically abuse cadets, but Dean knew those rules weren’t always followed. He wanted nothing more than to stand up and tell Turner to back off, but he knew he couldn’t. It would be a risk to both himself and to Castiel. Eventually he turned away, unable to watch any longer.

“Do you understand why I am getting you to do this, Cadet?” Captain Turner did nothing to keep his voice low.

“Yes, sir,” Castiel said and there was a clang as the weight dropped back into place again.

“I don’t think you do,” Turner said and Dean couldn’t help but look back over. “Everything we are teaching you here and everything I am training you for is life on a starship. You want to end up on a starship, don’t you Cadet?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Well, what I’m trying to prepare you for is that life. It’s going to be tough and you need to put in the effort. ‘Cause if you don’t, you’re gonna put people’s life at risk in the future. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Just because you are studying anthropology and archaeology does not mean you will safe from high risk situations out there. Who do you think the captain is going to want by his or her side when a landing party is sent down to an alien planet?”

“The anthropologist,” Castiel said weakly. "Or archaeologist."

“Exactly!” Captain Turner looked Castiel up and down, before nodding slowly in satisfaction. “Okay. Give me ten more reps and then you’re free to go. But I want to see improvement soon, understood?”

"Yes, sir."  

“You know, I think I’m starting to wish we still had Crowley as a trainer,” Charlie whispered, from where she sat beside Dean.

“You’re joking!” Dean said, tearing his eyes away from where Castiel, straining, had begun to lift again. “Turner’s shouty, but Crowley’s so evil, he could announce his appointment as King of Hell and I wouldn’t be surprised.”

“True... I can easily imagine the guy in a crown. I still feel bad for Cas, though.”

“Me too,” Dean said. “It’s not right.”

“Maybe you could help him?”

Dean looked at her. “How?”

“Well,” Charlie shrugged. “You’re insanely buff and you’ve built all those muscles up already. Maybe you can give the guy a few pointers?”

~ *XX* ~

“How tough was Turner today, huh?” Dean said, forcing a casual tone as he spoke to Castiel over their dinner meal.

“He was doing his job,” Castiel replied, emotionless as ever.

“He didn’t have to be so cruel, though.”

“He’s right,” Castiel said, eye wide and insisting. “I do need to work harder on building up my strength.”

Dean gently flicked a few stray peas around his plate, thinking back to what Charlie had said. “I can help,” he said. “If you like...”

Castiel’s eyebrows twitched upwards. “How?”

“Listen,” Dean said with a sigh. “I’m not saying you’re weak, because you’re not.” Castiel’s eyebrow rose higher, but he said nothing. “But you’re right in needing to build up muscle. You told me yourself that Vulcan fighting style relies more on agility than strength and I get that; but the instructors don’t. I can help you train after class hours. Weights, push-ups, that sort of thing. If you like.”

Castiel seemed to ponder this before answering. “If you don’t mind, I would appreciate it,” he said. “In return, I can help with your politics and history class. I know you’ve been struggling with it.”

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean said, touched by the offer. And Castiel gave a rare smile. “Listen, I’ve got baseball practice now. Did you want to come along?”

“I thank you for the offer, but I wish to revise notes from our culture class.”

“You study too much,” Dean teased fondly.

Castiel tilted his head to one side in confusion. “Have we not just agreed to do extra study together?”

“Fair call man,” Dean said and with a farewell grin he left for the practice field, Castiel’s small smile etched in his mind.   


	9. Chapter 9

_ Nine _

The extra study Dean and Castiel did together saw a vast improvement in both their physical and theoretical classes, much to the satisfaction of their instructors and professors. It also brought them closer together. But if they glanced at each other for too long, or if their fingers brushed each other’s a little too often, neither of them mentioned it. It was comfortable and each session saw Castiel break his Vulcan shell and show a little more emotion; more enjoyment.

Two whole months passed before Dean found himself at McLaughlin’s Bar again. His routine at Starfleet Academy was almost second nature and the campus groups were feeling more and more like home. The bar was rather empty for a Sunday afternoon, so Dean along with Sam, Charlie, Castiel and Gabriel were all able to find seats with ease.  

“What on Earth are you wearing?” Gabriel said, eyeing the tan trench coat Castiel was wearing. “What is that thing?”

“It’s a trench coat,” Castiel said peering down at it somewhat fondly. “It’s quite warm.”

“Where did you even get it?”

“I bought it,” Castiel said. “In a shop,” he added, as though this cleared things up.

Gabriel opened his mouth to say something else, but Dean cut across him. “I like it,” he said with a smile at Castiel.

“Yeah, I think it suits you,” Charlie added.

“Sam?” Gabriel looked towards his roommate. “You’ll back me up here, right? That trench coat is awful.”

“I’m not getting into this,” Sam said.

“Yeah, you can’t have an opinion anyways,” Dean pointed out. “Your choice of clothes apart from our reds is plaid.”

Everyone muttered agreement at this statement and Sam bitchfaced at them all before going to get drinks. He returned a moment later with not only drinks, but with an attractive blonde woman, who stood a pace behind him.

“Hey, do you guys mind if Jessica joins us?” Sam asked, a little hesitantly. They all knew Jessica Moore from their first orientation sessions and their prep group.

Dean nodded and smiled up at them both. “No worries.” And when Jessica’s back was turned Dean winked at his brother. Sam, instead of glaring however, just gave a hopeful little smile.

“How’s that extra training working out for you, Cas?” Charlie asked.

Castiel frowned at her. “You’re using my nickname.”

“Yeah, why not?” Charlie smiled. “We’re friends, right?”

“We are,” Castiel confirmed.

“I swear if you start calling me ‘Sammy’...” Sam said.

“Only I get to call you ‘Sammy’,” Dean said, just as Charlie said, “Only Dean gets to call you ‘Sammy’.” The pair grinned at each other.

“Extra training?” Gabriel asked.

“It’s going well,” Castiel said, ignoring his cousin and focussing on Charlie. “Dean and I work well together.”

“I bet you do,” Gabriel muttered quietly. No one but Sam, who was next to him, heard and he hastily turned his stifled laugh into a cough.

“Yeah, even Benny is jealous of how quickly I’ve picked up politics,” Dean said with a grin at Castiel.

Sam let out a groan at the mention of Benny’s name. “What?” Dean demanded, lifting his chin challengingly at his brother.

“I don’t know what you see in him, Dean,” Sam said. “Benny’s just... I don’t know. I’m getting weird vibes off him.”

Dean raised an eyebrow sceptically. “Weird vibes? Really, Sam?” Sam just shrugged, but Dean missed it as he eyes were drawn to the door, where four large figures had entered. “Anyway, he’s not who you should be worried about,” Dean said with foreboding. “They are.”

They all turned to look as Alistair and a group of his friends entered the bar. Dean groaned as Alistair saw them and a malicious grin spread across his face.

“He’s the one you got into a fight with first week, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

Gabriel let out a low, impressed whistle. “Nice work beating him in a fight,” he murmured to Castiel, who ducked his head slightly in acknowledgement.

“Think you’re up to repeating that?” Dean asked as Alistair walked steadily towards them.

“Dean, you’re joking!” Sam said in a frantic whisper.

“Leave it, Sammy.”

“No Dean, you’re gonna get yourself expelled.”

“So it’s not enough I have to see you in class every day, but I also have to see you on Sundays?” Alistair said, approaching the table and looking at Castiel in disgust.

“Don’t come here then,” Gabriel said, bristling with anger at seeing Alistair’s hatred first-hand.

“Did I ask your opinion, Shortstop?”

Castiel rose out of his seat and Dean copied him, ignoring Sam’s tugging on his shirt. “You should leave,” Castiel said. “Now.”

Alistair laughed as though the idea were absurd. “Why don’t _you_ leave? Cure this place of the half-breed stench that you’ve brought in.”

Dean stepped forward with a snarl, but Castiel held him back. The half-Vulcan stared into Alistair’s eyes. “If I were human,” he said, “I believe my response would be, ‘Go to hell’.”

“Cas!” Dean’s face broke into a surprise grin.

Castiel took a moment to raise his eyebrows at Dean. “If I were human.”

“Enough of this,” Alistair said, looking disgusted. He threw a punch aimed at Castiel, but Dean quickly stepped between them and he was hit, full force on his jaw. Dean felt his lip split and his mouth filled with the metallic taste of blood.

“Why you-”

“Dean!”

There was a scrape of chairs as Sam, Jessica, Charlie and Gabriel stood up as well. Alistair’s friends stepped forward and the fight erupted full-force. Dean ducked Alistair’s next punch and landed one of his own just over the taller man’s kidney. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Gabriel tackling the shorter of Alistair’s friends.

“Come on guys!” Charlie’s voice was barely audible above the ruckus. “Stop it! They’re not worth it!”

Everyone was ignoring her. Even Jessica was fighting. She had moved Sam out of the way and was performing some sort of martial arts-style kick at Alistair’s other companion. Of course she knew how to fight; they’d all been put through the same fitness and survival courses, but this style was something very different indeed. Together, even with Charlie only onlooking, they outnumbered Alistair’s group easily.

“That was stupid of you to protect your friend like that,” Alistair said, drawing Dean’s attention back to him. “I’m going to beat you to a pulp.”

They traded more blows, unaware of the bar around them and the wide-eyed patrons who had only ventured out for an afternoon drink and nothing else. Castiel stood behind Dean, wanting to interfere, but not daring to. Alistair suddenly swung widely and hit Dean square in the temple. Dean toppled back onto the floor and for a moment the world turned black.

What seemed like hours later, the sounds of struggle filled Dean’s ears; a cry of pain and a high-pitched yelp. Something thick and wet was oozing down his face. He opened heavy eyes.

“Dean? Dean, are you alright?” Castiel’s face came into focus as Dean sat up.

“Yeah, m’good,” Dean muttered, lifting a hand and gingerly pressing his busted lip. Something wet trickled down his temple and Dean wiped blood away from his eye; he had a cut on his eyebrow too. “Son of a bitch!”

“Oh, he’s fine,” Dean heard Sam say from somewhere to his right. Castiel still looked at him with concern however, before helping Dean to his feet.

“That was very stupid of you,” Castiel said. “You should not have tried to protect me like that. I am more than capable.”

“Cas...” Dean said with a sigh.

Castiel reached out a hand, as though to place it on Dean’s broken face. A look of confusion flickered across his face though, and Castiel stopped; his hand hanging in the air between them before dropping. “Dean, I was-”

“Okay, that’s it,” an angry cry broke out over the startled conversation of the other patrons of the bar and cut off whatever Castiel was going to say. “Out!” The bartender who had smiled welcomingly at them all when they first entered now looked furious, his dark eyes narrowing menacingly. “You’re all banned from the bar. Yes, you guys too. Out. I don’t want to see you back here for at least a month.” He gestured at their group and at Alistair’s and then at the door.

There was a groan from several people, but Dean didn’t join in. His lip hurt too much to speak at the moment. A hand closed firm, yet gently around his bicep and helped Dean move forward towards the door. ‘I’m fine. I can walk,’ Dean wanted to say, but he couldn’t find the strength and Castiel’s reassuring pressure was too comforting.

“We should take him to medical,” Charlie said, as cool fresh air hit Dean.

“I agree,” Castiel said.

“Is everyone else okay?” Dean asked, his words slurring only slightly.

“We’re all fine champ,” Gabriel said. “Those two loons of Alistair’s aren’t big with anything other than brute strength.”

Sam looked at Jessica and gave her an apologetic look. “I’ll come with you to medical,” he said to Castiel. “He’s my brother. Charlie, you live in the same dorm as Jess, right?”

“I can walk home in the dark by myself,” Jessica said. At that moment, Alistair and his friends left the bar glaring daggers at them all. For a moment, Dean thought they were going to resume fighting, but Alistair was also bleeding from his lip and had a red bruise already forming around his eye. One of his friends was limping. They simply glared, before hulking off into the night.

“On second thought,” Jessica said.

“I have a paper due tomorrow, so I’m heading back that way anyway,” Gabriel added. “You two will be alright to take Dean?” Castiel and Sam nodded. “Say hi to Anna for me.”

Anna was indeed on duty in medical and greeted them with a look that combined both worry and exasperation.

“It’s worse than it looks,” Dean said, though it came out as ‘itworthanooks’. The swelling had hindered his speech further. He attempted a smile, which led to a new rush of blood that trickled down his chin. The emergency bay was lit with blinding blue-white lights which hurt Dean’s eyes and he squinted against them.

“Stop that,” Anna ordered sternly and the change from ‘friend’ to ‘doctor’ was a noticeable one. “Sit down on that biobed and stay still. I’ll be back in a just a moment.” She turned to leave, before spinning back to face Castiel and Sam. “Are you two okay? No one else was injured in... whatever this was?” She phrased it lightly, but they all knew she knew they’d been in a fight.

“No one,” Castiel confirmed, his eyes still on Dean.

“At least no one we care about,” Sam muttered. Anna frowned, but didn’t ask and left to collect her medical equipment, returning a few moments later, fully gloved and carrying an array of scanners and medical tools. Dean sat still as Anna ran the scanner over his face. She’d asked Castiel and Sam to leave while she worked and murmured to herself at the information that flashed up on the scanner.

“How are you allowed to do this by yourself?” Dean asked in stilted tones, determined to make himself understood. Anna gave a reproving look, but said nothing and moved to scan his neck and chest, just in case. “I thought only third and fourth year cadets worked in emergency medical alone.”

“I had training before I enrolled here,” Anna explained. “And while the fourth years are out on their survival training, we need all the hands we can get here. My supervisor trusts me.”

“Good for you,” Dean said and meant it.

“Thanks. Now, you’re in luck,” she told him, laying the scanner aside. “You have no other wounds aside from the cuts on your head and these are both shallow cuts. Head wounds just bleed a lot.”

“I know,” Dean mumbled and she gave him a stern look.

“I’ll need to clean both of these wounds first, though. It may sting a bit, but then I can use the dermal regenerator and you’ll be back to normal again.” She smiled and Dean nodded his thanks, understanding that more conversing would probably not help his situation.

Ten minutes later Dean got up to leave, running a hand over his eyebrow and lip. They felt just as they always had, albeit with the tender feel of new, raw skin. “Thank you,” he told Anna.

“It’s my job,” she replied simply. “Just promise me you won’t get into many more fights. I have a feeling there will be more, but try to make it less.”

Shifting awkwardly, Dean nodded. “I’ll try.”

“That’s all I can ask for,” Anna said, smiling. Dean nodded his thanks once again and left to find Sam and Castiel. 


	10. Chapter 10

_ Ten _

“Barred?” Benny’s voice rose an octave in surprise. “Seriously? Because of those assholes?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, sighing. He glanced over at the large clock that adorned the library wall over the entrance. They had fifteen minutes of free study time left before afternoon classes began. Their first exam was coming up in two weeks and their professors had given out free study periods in preparation.

“That’s shit,” said Benny eloquently and Dean nodded. “We’ve got to get them back for this, you know.”

“I don’t think so. We’d get into more trouble and I don’t want that. Besides, they’re barred to.”

Benny shrugged. “Well, here’s hoping they’re not as smart as they think they are and fail their exams.”

“I live in hope,” Dean said. He sighed again, refocussing on the list of poisonous plants he was meant to be remembering. “Are we really going to need to remember this?”

“I figure if I’m ever in a situation that needs someone to recall if a plant is poisonous or not, I’m gonna have a PADD or tricorder with me to look it up. Or, better yet, a biologist who knows what they’re talking about.”

“Seems logical,” Dean said.

“Logical?” Benny let out a laugh. “You sound like Castiel. Spending too much time with him, aye?”

“We’re roommates, Benny,” Dean reminded him.

Benny murmured something inaudible, but when Dean raised a questioning eyebrow at him, he waved it off. “We should get going. Crowley’s not going to like it if we’re late to class. Plus we still have to change into those grey sacks they call clothes.”

Groaning, Dean stood up. “Think we’re going to move onto something more fun than basic strength training yet?”

“Don’t say that,” Benny said. “Strength training is easy. Once we move onto hand-to-hand stuff, you’ll be wishing for strength training.”

The pair left the library and headed out into the sunshine. Already the days were getting longer and warmer, despite the fact spring had seemingly just begun. “Perhaps,” Dean said, squinting. “Maybe Crowley’ll pair me with Alistair and I can knock him out.”

“That’s the way!” Benny said encouragingly and Dean grinned at him.

Benny and Dean had just reached the door of the indoor training court when the large form of Alistair Rolston stepped in front of them, blocking the entrance. “Consider this a warning, Winchester.”

“Fuck off, dickwad,” Benny growled.

Alistair ignored him. “I don’t like being kicked out of establishments.”

“Really?” Dean asked, sarcastically. “Person like you, I’d have thought you’d be used to it by now.”

“I mean it Winchester,” Alistair said with a snarl. “We’re going to get you back for this. You should watch yourself. You’re gonna _burn_ for this, Winchester.”

“Did you not hear me when I said ‘fuck off’?” Benny repeated, clenching his fists.

“Yeah, cram it with walnuts, ugly!” Dean said and Benny paused to send him a ‘what the hell?’ look. Dean shrugged.

With a derisive snort, Alistair disappeared through the door ahead of them, as though determined to get to class before them and win Crowley’s approval.

“Next time, I think I’m going to hit him,” Benny said. “Stop any more bile spilling from his mouth.”

Dean held open the door for Benny, with a wistful sigh. “Can’t say I blame you.”

“Good afternoon cadets.” Crowley stood at the end of the indoor training area when they entered and sat down. He was no longer wearing his usual dark suit, however and was dressed in long, comfortable grey pants and a white Starfleet shirt. “And good news: You are all cleared to begin basic hand-to-hand combat training.”

“Yes!” Bela Talbot said in an excited whisper.

“As you can undoubtedly see, I have been forced into this hideous attire... which will take multiple glasses of Craig to wipe from my memory. But that is beside the point. I’m here to demonstrate.”

Kevin gave a snort which was perhaps louder than intended, because Crowley turned dark eyes upon him immediately. “Ah, a volunteer,” he said, grinning maliciously. “Cadet Kevin Tran, boys and girls.” He gestured for Kevin to stand and join him at the front.

“Sir?”

“The first, and arguably the most important part of combat training is learning defence and, in this case, how to fall in such a way to minimize damage,” Crowley said, ignoring Kevin. “This is because you will fall. All of you, at some point. Why is that, Cadet Pond?”

“There will always be someone better than you, who can bring you down?” The small brunette said, hesitation in her voice.

“Valid point,” Crowley said. “And why is it beneficial to learn how to fall correctly, Cadet Bradbury?”

“Uhm, many injuries are sustained from falling...” Charlie said, the same unsureness in her voice.

Dean raised his hand and Crowley pointed at him. “If you’re on a starship when it’s being attacked, the crew usually get knocked around a bit, especially if artificial gravity mechanisms fail. Having the ability to protect oneself when falling would be beneficial.”

“Very good,” Crowley nodded approvingly. “Three out of many reasons why we begin today with defensive falling.” Without waiting for further comment, Crowley collapsed. He slapped the practice mat with a sound that echoed around the hall and tucked his body into a roll. A moment later, he was crouching in a position to attack. Everyone in the group remained silent. “Well that was dramatic,” Crowley said mildly. He stood and looked at Kevin. “Your turn, Cadet.”

Kevin trembled, and then fell forward onto the mat. Only after he’d fallen, did he remember to scrambled up into a crouched position. The movement looked jerky and uncoordinated after Crowley.

“Close but no cigar,” Crowley said. He demonstrated again, before walking Kevin through it slowly ensuring everyone understood where to place their hands to ensure minimal jarring damage. And then it was everyone else’s turn.

“Somehow, I don’t think this is what Bela was thinking when he said hand-to-hand combat,” Charlie murmured to Dean. They looked over to see a sour expression on the woman’s face.

“I suppose falling makes sense,” Dean replied.

“It’s also the first thing we learn as Vulcan’s,” Castiel said. He fell, slapping the mat and rolling just as Crowley had done. His movements were done with a fluidity that came with years of practice.

“Show off,” Dean said and Castiel merely raised an eyebrow.

After Castiel had executed perfect, safe falls and after Dean had copied him, finally getting it right in the last ten minutes of class, Crowley nodded approvingly and dismissed them.

“I am going to be sore tomorrow,” Dean moaned as they climbed the stairs in their dormitory to their second story room. He paused at the top of the staircase to rub his thighs.

“If you like, I’m sure Anna could get you a muscle tissue regenerator,” Castiel said.

“It’s not that bad,” Dean said, walking forward again. “Thanks though.” As they approached their dormitory door, he added, “You know, you could probably get away without even attending that class.”

“I never thought I’d thank my brothers for all that combat practice they made me help with,” Castiel said, his voice suddenly quieter. “But I do now.”

Dean paused while entering the code on their door to smile at Castiel. “Well, if you want- what the _fuck!”_ The door had opened to reveal a very different room to the one they had left. Nearly every surface of every object in their room, including the floor was covered in candy. Shiny chocolate wrappers and the sugar crystals on soft lollies glinted in the light.  

“Oh...” Castiel said.

“Oh?” Dean turned a stunned face to Castiel, who had raised in eyebrow in surprise. “Our room has.... it’s... it’s been turned in Willy Wonka’s freaking Chocolate Factory!”

“I don’t understand that reference,” Castiel said.

Dean ignored him and stepped tentatively into the room, feeling some of the hard lollies crush beneath his feet. “Our room’s been filled with candy,” he said, shocked as he looked around. Part of Dean was actually impressed. Candy of all kinds covered the floor, their beds, the desk; even the desk drawers had been opened and filled to the brim with the stuff. It must have taken a lot of effort to pull this off.

Castiel had followed him into the room, sweeping candy out of the way with his foot rather than crushing it into the floor. “I think I know who’s responsible for this,” he said with a little sigh.

“Who?” Dean asked, in a tone which suggested he wanted to get revenge for this as soon as possible.

“Gabriel,” Castiel said. “Remember I mentioned he was fond of pranks? I thought he might keep them to his own room, but apparently I was mistaken.”

“Seriously? That son of a bitch!”

“I agree with your sentiments,” Castiel said.

“I know he’s your cousin and all,” Dean said. “But can I kill him?”

“He must have had help,” Castiel said, moving carefully over to his bed, which was piled high with candy. “I calculate this room’s only been empty for two hours at the most.”

Dean stopped suddenly. “If Sammy had anything to do with this... I swear I’ll kill him along with Gabriel.”

He reached into his pocket and fumbled with his comm. “What are we going to do with it all?” Dean said, as he flipped the device open and began to call Gabriel. “I’m not sure about you, but I certainly don’t have the ability to eat even half of this.”

Castiel gave a snort. “I suppose we throw it out.”

“Too bad Halloween isn’t for months yet...”

“ _Hey you chuckle-head_ ,” Gabriel’s voice said, amplifying out from the comm. The grin was obvious in his voice.

“I’m going to kill you,” Dean said without preamble.

“Dean,” Castiel warned, eliciting a laugh from Gabriel.

“ _Cassie? Whatever are you two talking about?_ ” Gabriel asked.

“Oh don’t give me that,” Dean groaned. “You know exactly why we’re calling, you sneaky, room-breaking-into, bastard.”

“ _Wow, don’t_ sugar _coat it, Deany_.” There was a pregnant pause.

“Did you just..?”

“I believe he did,” Castiel said.

“ _Couldn’t resist._ ”

“So it was you. Did you have help with this?”

 _“I’m not at liberty to say,”_ Gabriel replied.

“Sam helped you, didn’t he?” Dean said. “I know he did. We used to prank each other all the time when we were younger. It was stupid and it always escalated and this has him written all over it!”

 _“Sam used to prank you?_ ” Gabriel said, sounding impressed. _“Well, I have a whole new level of respect for that moose.”_

“Not the point, Gabe!” Dean said. “Get your ass over here and clean up this mess!”

“Please,” Castiel added.

Gabriel laughed gleefully, a sound that seemed to echo around the small dorm room. _“Oh, no can do, my_ sweet _friends.”_

Dean rolled his eyes.

“You could perhaps provide us with some means of cleaning up then,” Castiel said. “I’m surprised you were willing to give up so much candy simply to prank us.”

_“I had a bit spare.”_

“A bit?” Dean said incredulously. “Well you can come and take it back!”

Gabriel made a noise that sounded like an untuned vintage radio. _“Oh no! I think you’re breaking up!”_ Gabriel repeated the noise.

“You know that’s not possible on a comm right?” Dean said, unimpressed.

_“It seemed more fun than simply hanging up on you.”_

“Gabriel...”

_“You should be glad you don’t have any room inspections soon.”_

“We’re ever so grateful,” Dean said dryly. “That was really kind of you to take into consideration.”

 _“Ouch! It bites!_ ” Gabriel said. _“Enjoy your evening, Deany, Cassie.”_

There was a click and the comm went silent. “So,” Dean said, looking around at the candy filled room and wishing it would disappear (and perhaps magically reappear in Gabriel’s room). “Am I allowed to kill him?”

“That may taint your record in regards to finishing your studies here and becoming a Starfleet engineer,” Castiel pointed out, matter-of-factly.

“Sonofabitch!”

Five large garbage bags, two hours and one sore back later saw Dean fall back onto his bed with a sigh. The candy had been thrown out, despite Dean’s suggestion of giving it back to Gabriel in an inconvenient manner. Castiel sat much more carefully on the end of his own bed and looked over at Dean.

“If we hurry, we can still make it down to the mess hall for dinner,” Castiel said.

Dean groaned and patted his stomach. “I filled up on too much candy.”

“I noticed,” Castiel said, a small fond smile curving his lips. During their clean up, Dean couldn’t resist eating some of it. ‘It just goes to waste otherwise!’

“Please don’t judge me,” Dean said. Sitting up to look at Castiel, he added, “Head down if you like. I’ll be here when you get back. And if you see Gabriel down there, can you punch him for me?”

“Of course, Dean,” Castiel said before leaving.

As soon as Castiel was gone, Dean felt like going after him. With an odd feeling of loneliness, he rolled over and collected his PADD on poisonous plants. A lone chocolate bar sat on top of it and Dean let out a sigh.

He would still be finding pieces of candy in their room months later, he just knew it. 


	11. Chapter 11

_ Eleven _

“During what year did the United Federation of Planets form and what were the four founding species?”

Dean looked over at Castiel who was quizzing him and fixed him with a wry look. “When I said you could start with the easy questions, I didn’t mean that easy.” Castiel’s eyebrow rose half an inch and Dean sighed. “2161. Here in San Francisco, actually. And it was founded by a party of Humans, Vulcans, Andorians and Tellarites.”

Castiel gave an approving nod and slid delicate fingers across the PADD in search of a more challenging question. Their first exam, Starfleet history and politics, was scheduled for the following morning. Dean was feeling mildly confident, but didn’t want to get his hopes up. Just in case.

“Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of introducing the Section 31 clandestine organisation into Starfleet?”

“That’s more like it,” Dean said. "Uhm...”

Castiel tilted his head. “It’s unlikely something like that will be included. This is only our first exam.”

“Have you met Professor Devereux?”

“Yes,” Castiel said.

“It was a rhetorical... never mind. Point is, I got the impression he was going to make the exam as difficult as possible to ‘weed out the less than satisfactory cadets’,” Dean said.

“He said that?”

“No,” Dean admitted. “But it was obvious in his expression.”

“You are a more than satisfactory cadet, Dean,” Castiel said. “As, I believe, am I. We shouldn’t have anything to worry about.”

For the exams, they were divided into smaller groups in smaller classrooms based on alphabetical order. Bidding Castiel good luck that morning, Dean headed to the opposite end of the building and met Sam outside the examination room.

“Ready for this?” Sam asked.

Dean grunted. He was not a morning person at the best of times and the addition of an exam did nothing to improve his mood.

The examination room itself was hot and stuffy. Before they’d even begun, Dean found himself wishing for the crisp early morning air outside. He rubbed a hand across his face and glanced up as Professor Devereux walked past before hastily looking back at his monitor. The exam was harder than he had expected. Many of the questions were about the tiny footnotes in history, rather than broader themes. Mentally, Dean cursed his professor. Someone behind him was tapping a beat with their fingers. Trying to ignore it, Dean skipped to the next question.

_Which group founded the United Federation of Planets? Where and When?_

Dean smiled, his mind flashing back to Castiel’s reproving look when he had asked Dean this question himself. He quickly entered the answer, feeling slightly more confident. As all time does in exams, the next hour flew by and seemingly moments later Professor Devereux was calling for them to cease working.

Dean leaned back in his chair, feeling relieved it was over. He glanced over to where Sam was sitting two desks away and shot him a grin. One exam down, several others to go.

 “How do you think you went?” Sam asked later when they’d been dismissed. They stepped out into the fresh air and Dean breathed it in gratefully before replying.

“No,” he said flatly. “No, we’re not doing this. We’re not going to talk about how we went. You’re just gonna make me feel stupid.”

“Oh come on, Dean,” Sam said, flicking his hair out of his face. “I’m sure you did fine.”

Dean hummed. The two brothers walked the path back to the dormitories, talking about their theoretical survival training exam in three days time. Sam peeled off to his room first and Dean gave him a farewell clap on the shoulder.

“So I’ve been meaning to ask, you had any candy recently?” Dean said, watching his brother closely. “Or chocolate? Lollies?”

Sam frowned in confusion. “No, why?”

“Gabriel didn’t mention anything?”

“What?”

“You. Gabriel. Candy?”

“I have no idea what you are talking about, Dean.”

Dean eyed his brother suspiciously for a moment. Sam looked right back at him with the expression of someone who was both very confused and very concerned. It was a look that suggested Sam thought his brother was on some sort of recreational drug.  “I’ll believe you then,” Dean said. “Just this once.”

“What are you on about, Dean?”

Dean explained about how his room had been turned into a five year old’s dream. Sam paused for a moment after Dean finished and then roared with laughter. “I wish I _could_ have been a part of that!” he exclaimed with a wheeze. “I don’t know whether to congratulate Gabe or reprimand him for not including me!”

“That wasn’t really the outcome I was looking for,” Dean said.

“Come on, Dean,” Sam said. “If this had been the other way around, you would have died laughing.”

Dean broke into a reluctant smile. That at least was the truth. “Touché,” he said.

“Ah, priceless!” Sam said, shaking his head as he turned away. Dean grinned; the sight of his brother so happy always had that effect on him.

~ *XX* ~

Castiel was already back in their room when Dean entered. “Let’s take tonight off,” he said, collapsing back onto his bed with a sigh. “I’m all studied out.”

“Dean,” Castiel said, a reproachful tone in his voice. “We still have other exams. Our survival training theoretical exam is later this week and I know you still need to work on identifying poisonous plants.”

Dean pulled a face that was most definitely _not_ a pout. “It’s just the one night. Besides, I have something...” he trailed off and twisted over on the bed.

“Dean?”

“Johnnie Walker Blue Label,” Dean announced, pulling a bottle out of the top drawer of his bedside table. “I was saving this for a special occasion-” Castiel made a noise of protest, cutting him off for a few seconds.

“And I think,” Dean continued, raising his voice a little, “finishing our first ever Starfleet exam counts as a special occasion.” He smiled. “Here.” He unscrewed the top, poured a healthy amount into one of the glasses he’d acquired and handed it to Castiel. “A celebratory drink.”

“Don’t you think we should save this until we have finished all our exams?” Castiel said, taking the glass in spite of himself.

Dean poured himself a glass and placed the bottle back on his bedside table. “You really think Charlie will let us have a quite celebration like this at the end of all our exams? If she has anything to do with it, we’ll be celebrating big time at McLaughlin’s. Provided we’re allowed back by then. Besides, we’re not going to drink all of this!”

“You make a good point. I think Gabriel will also be fond of a larger celebration.”

Nodding, Dean lifted his glass. “To finishing our first exam.”

Castiel hesitated and then copied Dean’s movement, clinking their glasses together. Dean took a long sip of the whiskey and hummed in approval. Closing his eyes, he smacked his lips. “That’s the stuff. What do you think, Cas?” He opened his eyes to see Castiel staring at him intently. “What?”

“Nothing,” Castiel said quickly. He licked his lips and stared down at the glass in his hand. “You know alcohol doesn’t affect Vulcans as it does Humans.”

Dean shrugged. “Perhaps not, but I know for a fact you’re not entirely Vulcan, so maybe you can at least try and enjoy yourself a bit.” After eyeing the drink for a moment longer, Castiel finally took an experimental sip. Dean smiled encouragingly at him.

 “It’s nice,” he said.

“Good,” Dean said, happily. “We just need to get you onto pie next.”

“I’m still looking forward to it,” Castiel said, lips twitching.

“So you got any fine alcohols on Vulcan?”

“Vulcan Port is highly sought after,” Castiel said. He lifted his glass to the light and looked at the golden liquid. “It’s blue in colour, though. Not brown.”

“Golden,” Dean corrected automatically.

“Vulcan Port is an acquired taste.”

“I’d like to try it one day,” Dean said.

“You can have some when I have pie.”

“It can be a cultural tasting evening!” Dean said, with a smirk. ‘Sam’ll be proud.”

Castiel ducked his head, as though hiding a smile. Two hours later, the bottle of Johnnie Walker was nearly half empty and the pair of them had skipped oven the amusing stage of intoxication and were right in the middle of the melancholy stage. Dean and Castiel were sitting on the floor, their backs up against the end of their beds.

“I’ve never told you about my mum, did I?” Dean suddenly said. Castiel frowned and then slowly shook his head.

“No.”

“She was first officer on a transport ship. Couple more years and she would have made captain like Dad. She was so...” Dean trailed off, looking away. “I don’t really know, to be honest. I was only four when she died.”

“What happened?” Castiel asked, uncharacteristically tentative.

“She was meant to be coming home for some shore leave, you know,” Dean said quietly. “She was going to fly the shuttle to the nearest port and then drive. It was standard... routine work. She was attacked on the shuttle flight home. I don’t know how it got past the patrol ships and air security... If there was ever a report or inquiry, I never saw it. All I know it that it was a rogue Romulan. First thing Dad did was work that out. The ship... it...”

“It shot her out of the sky,” Castiel finished softly. Dean nodded.

“The shooter drove her so far off course she never made it to the port. That’s why she hit the house. They say she died instantly,” Dean said. “She was probably dead before the shuttle crashed.”

“Dean...”

“Dad was distraught.” In his mind’s eye Dean saw John kneeling on the ground in front of their ruined house. Tears were streaming down his face. “He was never the same afterwards.”

“That is understandable,” Castiel said.

“Eventually he couldn’t take it anymore and left. I think someone had heard some news about the Romulan who had caused the crash... I don’t know the exact details... and then he just took off. Ah, you know the rest,” Dean waved his hand vaguely. “He left, there was a small, one man fighter ship stolen a few days later. It was never traced to him, but it’s not hard to work out... Left me and Sam with Ellen and we never... never saw him again. I don’t even know if he’s alive, or if he caught the guy or what... we never heard from him. He just... left. Gone.” Dean looked away, blinking away tears and took a large gulp of his whiskey.

“I’m sorry Dean,” Castiel said.

“It’s okay Cas,” Dean said, shaking his head in an attempt to ward off the sympathy. “Not your fault.”

Castiel shuffled awkwardly closer to Dean and leaned into his space. “I never knew my mother.”

“You didn’t?”

“She was a Vulcan,” he said softly. “Apart from what I’ve been told and few holovids, I know very little about her.”

“Your dad never mentioned-”

“No,” Castiel said, his voice suddenly tight with restrained anger. “He is human, but he adopted the Vulcan way and suppressed his emotions.”

“That must be hard.”

“It is,” Castiel said. His tone held a note of surprise as though he’d never admitted this aloud before.

Dean placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder in solidarity. “Look at us with our screwed up families.”

“I don’t understand...”

“Nothing, man,” Dean said. He squeezed the half-Vulcan’s shoulder. And if Dean had any thoughts about how close they were sitting and how he enjoyed their intimacy, then he told himself that it was the alcohol talking. 


	12. Chapter 12

_ Twelve _

Dean poked his head around the corner of the door and peered in. McLaughlin’s Bar was just as it had always been. He glanced over to the bar and caught the eye of the bartender who, upon seeing Dean, gave a visible sigh and gestured for them to come in.

“Come on,” the bartender called. “Get in here and stop blocking the entrance.”

Dean grinned and opened the door wider to allow himself, Castiel, Gabriel, Charlie, Sam and Jessica inside. It had only been three weeks since their ban, but apparently that was long enough. “Thanks man,” Dean said.

The bartender just shrugged. “Truth be told, I would have punched that guy too. Didn’t want to ban you, but that’s policy.”

“We understand,” Castiel said and he nodded.

“What can I get you all then?”

After beverages were ordered and paid for, the six of them sat down at an old styled circular booth in the corner. Dean found himself on the edge, pressed up close to Castiel.

“Sorry,” he muttered, shifting in an attempt to give the half-Vulcan more room.

“There’s no need to apologise,” Castiel said. His arm lightly brushed Dean’s as he reach for his glass. The movement made the hairs on Dean’s arm stand on end.

“So why are we here again? We haven’t even finished the half semester,” Gabriel said.

“You’re actually complaining?” Sam asked.

“I never said that.”

“All of our theoretical testing is over,” Castiel pointed out. “We have only our assessment in physical training to complete.”

“And since we get assessed in those classes every week anyway, it doesn’t really count,” Dean said.

“Plus it’s only two weeks to go until the break,” Jessica added in.

“And some of us are headed home for that, too,” Charlie said, with a grin.

“Okay, okay!” Gabriel held his hands up in defeat. “Forget I said anything.”

They laughed. After nearly three months of time together, the six friends sat comfortably as conversation flitted from this topic to that. They ordered chips, which Sam grumbled over and made Dean smile; he knew his brother would have preferred a salad.

“So who’s leaving us all during the break?” Gabriel asked. “Selfish people.”

“Dean and I are headed back to Lawrence,” Sam said.

“And I’m visiting my parents in Oklahoma,” Jessica said.

“I’m staying!” Charlie said with a grin.

“I’ll also be staying,” Castiel said.

“So I won’t be completely alone,” Gabriel said. “That’s nice. You’re off my Christmas list,” he added to Sam, Dean and Jessica.

“Dude. Christmas is months away!”

“He’s just going to miss us,” Dean said with a knowing grin. “He just doesn’t want to admit it.”

“Keep thinking that, Deany,” Gabriel retorted, but he returned to his drink with a sad look.

“Hi Dean,” a light, female voice suddenly interrupted and Dean looked up into the dark eyes and dark hair of Lisa Breaden.

“Oh hey Lisa,” Dean said, surprised. “How are you?”

“Pretty good,” she replied, blushing. “You? Going well with your exams, I hope...”

“Yeah,” Dean said with a huff of laughter. “Yeah, it’s going as well as can be expected.”

“Good,” she said, giving him a wide smile. There was an awkward pause and she glanced around at five others that sat with Dean. “Well, uh, it was nice to see you Dean. Talk later?”

“Sure,” Dean said, feeling bemused. She gave a wave, before departing.

“Well,” Sam began, but Dean pointed a finger at him.

“Say nothing.”

Sam shut his mouth in an exaggerated motion and mimed zipping his lips shut. Gabriel laughed. Castiel was looking Dean with an odd look on his face that Dean couldn’t place. “What?” He asked, nudging the half-Vuclan.

“Nothing,” Castiel said.

“Just because I don’t want to hear whatever teasing Sam has for me, doesn’t mean I don’t want to hear your opinion,” Dean said.

Castiel glanced around, before finally replying. “She seems nice.”

“Hey, I wasn’t going to tease you!” Sam protested.

“Bullshit,” Jessica murmured. Sam glared at her, while Dean grinned.

“And how would teasing you over that be any different about all the things you tease me about, Dean?”

Dean looked at his brother in mock horror. “I would never!” he exclaimed. Everyone snorted. “I’m usually just pointing out facts anyway, not teasing.”

“Really?” Sam’s eyebrows rose so high they threatened to disappear into his hair.

Dean’s lips twitched. “Your hair, for example. You look like a girl, Sammy. I mean really...”

“He does have a point there, Samantha,” Gabriel said. “Your hair is getting a bit long. Fact.”

“If you’d just let me cut it...”

Sam laughed outright. “Dean, you’re the last person I would trust with that!”

“My aunt used to be a hairdresser,” Charlie said. “She taught me a few things when I was younger. I could give it a go, if you’re ever interested.”

“Thanks, but I’m good.”

“Anna could probably get you a prescription for hair growth suppressors, if you wish,” Castiel added.

“You’re all the worst friends ever,” Sam said, glaring at them, unimpressed. “How did this outing turn into a ‘let’s-tease-Sam’ thing?”

Jessica, smiling fondly, leaning over and rested her head on Sam’s arm (she was too short to reach his shoulder). “Don’t worry. We all still love you.” Sam’s eyes widened at that and he glanced down at the blonde woman, surprised. Jessica gave him a sly grin and Sam’s cheeks reddened. Everyone else turned away, suddenly feeling as though they were intruding on an intimate moment. Gabriel gave a cough.

“Anyway,” Charlie said. “Did you guys hear about that fourth year cadet who nearly died in shuttle practice?” There was a noise of assent that was perhaps louder than it usually would have been and the conversation moved on.

Castiel’s knee suddenly knocked against Dean’s under the table. Dean flinched like he’d been given an electric shot. “Apologies,” Castiel said, his voice a whisper that only Dean could hear.

“No, it’s okay,” Dean said. “I just didn’t expect it.” He widened his legs under the table, so his knee bumped lightly into Castiel’s again. The half-Vulcan experimentally nudged Dean back and the pair smiled at each other.

“What are you two grinning about?” Gabriel demanded.

“Nothing,” Dean and Castiel said together.

Gabriel eyed the suspiciously for a moment longer before addressing them both: “So how are things with that Alistair douche anyways?”

“He remains a douche,” Dean said.

“You know you can report bullying to the counselling services,” Jessica said. “I’m not sure it will help, but you can try.”

“I can’t see Alistair taking kindly to being reported,” Castiel said.

“That’s putting it mildly,” Dean said, popping a chip into his mouth.

“As long as you don’t get into any more fights,” Sam said and Charlie nodded. “Believe it or not, but we actually like this place and don’t want to get banned again.”

“There won’t be any more fights,” Dean said, with a sigh. “Promise, Sammy.”

“Good.”

“Although, if he ends up being in my group for that mock survival task, I can’t make any promises,” Dean added. He paled slightly at the thought of Castiel being alone in a group with Alistair, until he realised that Castiel was more than capable of defending himself.

Sam sighed. “Well, I can’t really blame you for that. That week’s going to be tough.”

“Do you know when the groups are announced?” Charlie asked.

“Usually not until the day,” Gabriel said. “I remember Uriel mentioning it once. He’s my cousin, Cassie’s brother,” he added at Jessica and Charlie’s looks of confusion. “I think it’s so we don’t all bond beforehand and make plans.”

“Seems logical,” Castiel murmured. “Can you smell that?” he added suddenly. His voice sounded urgent and everyone stopped to focus on him.

“No,” Dean said, following by a chorus of similar replies from everyone else at the table.

Castiel turned in his seat and look over at the bar, eye narrowed in uncertainty. “I think it’s coming from out the back, behind the bar,” he said.

“What is? What does your Vulcan nose smell?” Gabriel said, a hint of amusement in his voice.

“Smoke,” Castiel said, turning back to them. “Something’s burning.”

“Burning?”

Castiel opened his mouth to reply, but no one got to hear what he had to say. At that moment, there was an explosion from the back room and an alcohol-induced fire roared out into the bar. For a fraction of a second, there was no sound except for the whooshing and crackling of flames. And then the bar filled with screams. 


	13. Chapter 13

_ Thirteen _

The effect of the fire was immediate. Gabriel was on his feet and tugging at Charlie to follow him and Dean was already half out of the booth, his eyes wide in flickering light. Sam and Jessica had both given small yells of shock. More people were shouting as smoke began to fill the bar and they struggled to leave. Dean found himself wondering how many others were in the building. Would they be able to get out? Over the roar of the fire, he heard the banging of a door opening and he hoped others were able to escape.

The bartender had been knocked unconscious by the initial blast. Dean could see his slumped form through the haze. Dean blinked and he saw Jessica run towards the bartender.

“Jess!”

“Somebody help!” she cried. “We’ve got to get him out.” Dean lost sight of her as someone tall ran across his field of vision.

“Sam!” Dean shouted after his brother, but it came out as a splutter as smoke began to fill his lungs.

Smoke was rapidly filling the room now. Dean couldn’t see where Sam and Jessica were. Charlie was being pushed out by Gabriel and then they disappeared too. Heat was beginning to hurt his skin and he twisted around, trying to see. Where was everyone? Had they got out? He could feel his heart pounding in his ribcage as he started to panic.

Suddenly, flames reared up and Dean’s mind reeled. He was four years old again and a shuttle his mum had been piloting had just crashed into their house. Fire heated his face and his father’s yells echoed in his ears. It was happening again. It was all happening again. Fire was consuming him, smoke was filling his lungs. There was no John Winchester to scoop him up and carry him to safety. He was going to die like his mother, engulfed in flames. Sam was going to die too. There was nothing he could do. He was frozen in the heat. He was only four years old.

“Dean! Dean! Come on!” A hand gripped his shoulder tightly and Castiel’s wide blue eyes found Dean’s.

“Cas?” Dean blinked confusedly and let out a cough as smoke went up his nose.

“Stay with me,” Castiel said, seemingly unaffected by the smoke. It must be his Vulcan biology, Dean thought distantly. Castiel pulled on Dean’s shoulder again, hard enough to bruise. He led Dean towards the exit, which was barely visible through the smoke and the wreck of furniture that blocked their way.

Fresh air hit Dean’s face like a wave of cold water. He stumbled forward as Castiel released the grip on him. “Damn it, Cas,” Dean breathed heavily, the words coming out roughly. “All those strengthening exercises you did have really paid off.” He rubbed his shoulder.

“Are you alright, Dean?” Castiel said, his voice an octave higher than usual.

“I’m fine,” Dean replied automatically. “Where’s Sammy?”

Fire crews had already begun to arrive on the scene. “Anyone else in there?” A man asked, as Dean stumbled towards them.

“I don’t know,” Dean said, feeling helpless and trying to see clearly through streaming tears. “I couldn’t see.”

The fireman nodded and moments later Dean heard the sound of high-pressured water hitting crackling timber. “Sammy,” Dean said again. “Charlie... Jessica... Gabriel... oh shit... Fuck, where are they Cas?”

Castiel lead him to the gutter on the side of the road and the pair sat down. “You need to sit, Dean.”

 Around them, people were in similar states of collapse and breathing the fresh air deeply. Dean knew he should feel exhausted, but all he could do was look frantically around for the others. Some passers-by offered water to those who needed it, while others filmed the fire on recording devices; their faces lit up with the blue and red lights from the emergency vehicles. Sirens announced the arrival of two more fire trucks and paramedics. Dean blinked rapidly, feeling dazed.

“Dean?” Castiel’s concerned voice kept sounding in his ears.

“’M okay. I think we must have been some of the last ones out,” Dean muttered, more to himself, as he looked around searching for his brother in earnest. His eyes eventually found him, kneeling on the ground next to where Jessica was being treated for smoke inhalation by a newly arrived paramedic. Dean felt a wave of relief wash over him and he stood on wobbling legs. With Castiel at his back, Dean half-ran towards his brother. “Sammy, you okay?”

“Dean!” The worry that had been etching Sam’s face evaporated. “Cas! You’re okay.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Dean brushed it off, his eyes roving his little brother’s frame. “You alright?”

“I’m fine,” Sam smiled weakly.

“He’s a hero,” Jessica said removing her oxygen mask for a moment. “He carried me out of there himself.” She smiled, gratefully up at him and Sam placed a hand on her shoulder.

“I did what anyone would have done,” Sam said modestly.

“You still saved me,” Jessica said firmly.

Dean smiled at them and a warmth that had nothing to do with the fire spread through him. “Did you see what happened to Charlie and Gabe? Or the bartender?”

“Someone picked the bartender up after I called for help,” Jessica said.

“Good,” Dean said, casting his eyes around for Charlie and Gabriel.

“But I didn’t see the others,” Jessica continued, her face grave.

A few more frantic seconds passed and Dean finally saw them. Another sigh of relief passed through him. Anna stood next to them, wearing her doctor’s uniform and a mixed look of concern and disapproval. She looked up at the moment as though she could sense the eyes on her. Dean watched as she sagged with relief and he gave her a smile. He continued to watch as Anna gave Charlie’s arm a squeeze before walking over to them.

“You know how I asked if you wouldn’t get into any more fights?” Anna asked as she approached, looking at Dean reprovingly. “Well this wasn’t really what I meant.”

“Sorry,” Dean said, wincing. Anna ignored him and brought a scanner up to move over Dean’s face.

“It wasn’t his fault, Anna,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, I know,” Anna conceded, moving and running her scanner over Castiel instead. “You’ve both got mild smoke inhalation.”

“How are Charlie and Gabe?”

“They’ve similar symptoms to you,” Anna said. “You’ll all be fine. I’m glad you’re all okay.” At that, Castiel reached out and awkwardly placed a hand on her shoulder in a motion of comfort. Anna laughed at the gesture and placed her hand on his. “Thank you, Castiel.”

“No other casualties?” Sam asked.

Anna shook her head. “It was lucky this happened when it did. Sunday afternoon isn’t the busiest time for places like this. What did happen anyway?”

Together, the four of them explained how the back room had exploded and fire had spread quickly to encompass the entire bar. “An explosion?” Anna repeated, eyes narrowed. “That doesn’t sound like an accident.”

“I don’t think it was,” Castiel agreed.

“Yeah,” Dean said slowly. His mind was elsewhere, recalling something Alistair had said to him and Benny a few weeks ago. ‘ _You’re gonna burn for this, Winchester.’_ It couldn’t be a coincidence. Alistair and his cronies had been quiet lately, almost as it they had been saving it up for something big. Something like arson of a bar that Dean and Castiel frequented. “It wasn’t an accident and I know who did it,” he said flatly, trying to contain the anger that had risen up in him.

“What?” Anna, Sam and Jessica said in unison.

“Dean?” Castiel said, questioningly.

“Alistair,” Dean said firmly. “It was Alistair. Or one of his friends.”

“Really?” Sam asked. “I know you don’t like the guy, but surely this is a bit extreme for him.”

“He is capable,” Castiel said.

“Thank you,” Dean nodded at Castiel. “He said something to Benny and me a couple of weeks ago. He said we were going to _burn_ for getting them barred.”

There was a pregnant pause. “He said the word _burn_ and so naturally you think this was him?” Sam said, sceptically. “I dunno, Dean...”

“You weren’t there, Sam!”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jessica interrupted, as though she was sensing a fight between the two brothers. “Something like this, they’ll find out who did it.”

“It’s true,” Sam said. “All suspected crimes at the Academy are given high priority by the judiciary. It’s to protect the safety of the students and all that.”

“Good,” Dean said with satisfaction. He missed the look of concern that Sam and Jessica shared.

For a while they were silent, watching the fire crew slowly bring the fire under control. The spectators were beginning to leave. It was over. For now, at least. Dean felt the comm in his pocket suddenly vibrate. He paused to dig it out of his pants and flip it open.

“Ah shit,” Dean said.

“What?” asked Sam.

“Ellen’s left me a bunch of messages and I’ve missed half a dozen chats.”

“She must have heard about the fire.”

“Already?”

“News travels fast.”

“And she’s going to kill us if we don’t get back to her soon. C’mon. She’ll want to talk to you too,” Dean said. “You guys excuse us for a moment?” Anna, Jessica and Castiel all nodded as Dean and Sam walked down the road a bit away from the noise of the emergency crews and spectators. Dean hit the redial combination on his comm and Ellen answered almost instantly.

“ _Dean?!”_

“Yeah, it’s us,” Dean said.

“Hey,” added Sam.

“We’re okay.”

_“You tell me what happened right now! We’ve got the news running permanently at the bar and next thing we’re seeing live footage of you two covered in ash, surrounded by emergency crews and medics. We’ve been so worried.”_

Dean hadn’t even seen the news crews arrive, but as he glanced back he saw them, now interviewing one of the firemen. Together, he and Sam explained about the fire and that they’d both been checked over by medical and were declared fine. He didn’t mention the ongoing feud with Alistair or his suspicions.

_“How can things happen like this at the Academy! It’s disgraceful. They should have better security than this!”_ The anger was clear in her voice.

“It’s okay, Ellen,” Dean said, trying to calm her.

“These things do happen,” Sam said.

_“Maybe they do. But if this wasn’t a targeted attack I’ll sell the Roadhouse.”_ There was a noise of protest in the background that was unmistakably Jo. _“I saw the reports. Nothing else was damaged and it occurred at a time when there was hardly anyone in but you and your friends. It doesn’t take a degree in astrophysics to work that out.”_

Sam raised his eyebrows questioningly at Dean, who shook his head. If they told Ellen about Alistair, Dean knew there was a possibility she would get on a shuttle to San Francisco with the sole purpose of kicking Alistair’s ass. And while he wasn’t against that per se, he wasn’t quite prepared for any repercussions.

“I’m sure they’ll find out who’s responsible soon,” Sam said quickly. There was a hum from the other line, which sounded like Ellen was not reassured by this.

_“You boys still coming home for the mid-semester break? It’d be sure good to see you.”_

“Of course,” Sam and Dean said together. Ellen let out a laugh at that.

_“It was good to hear from you both. And stay in touch. I’ve hardly heard from you all semester. Just because you’re off in the big city, doesn’t mean you get to forget about your home.”_

Dean felt a stab of guilt. He _had_ forgotten to call back home. Academy life was so busy and he’d been so focussed on passing subjects and hanging with friends and spending time with Castiel, that he’d forgotten to call. He glanced at Sam and saw a similar guilty look on his face. Being busy was not a good enough excuse for forgetting family.

“We’re sorry, Ellen,” Sam said.

“You know we could never forget you,” Dean added.

_“I know, hon,”_ Ellen said. There was another muffled noise of voices in the background. _“Jo and Ash say hi too.”_

Dean and Sam echoed the sentiments and with final goodbyes and ‘I love you’s, Dean snapped the comm shut.

“You know she’ll find out about Alistair eventually,” Sam said.

“Yeah, I know,” Dean said. “Hopefully that will be when the sonofabitch is caught and expelled.” There was a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

“You still think it was him?” Sam said, the sceptical tone still in his voice.

“Oh come on, you’re kidding right?” Dean exclaimed. “Of course it was Alistair! You weren’t there when he told me I was going to _burn_ for getting him barred or whatever. It’s so obvious.”

Sam hummed indecisively as the pair turned to rejoin the others. Dean looked up at the thick smoke that still rose up into the darkening sky. He didn’t care about Sam’s scepticism; he knew who was to blame. And Alistair would pay one way or another.

~ *XX* ~

Hours later, when the fire had been brought under control and after they’d all been cleared by the paramedics and after they’d been questioned by Starfleet security and after Charlie had hugged Dean fiercely and after they’d watched Sam walk Jessica back to her dorm; after all that, Dean and Castiel finally found themselves back in their own room.

Dean stripped off his shirt immediately. It was badly singed around the hemline and smelled strongly of smoke. He flung it into the bin with ease. “Fuck I need a shower,” he said, more to himself. “I reek!” He turned around to face Castiel, who had not moved from the door.

“Cas?”

“Are you okay, Dean?”

Dean sighed. “I’m fine. Can you stop asking me that?” He turned and began rummaging in the wardrobe for a new set of clothes. A moment later he stopped and turned to find Castiel standing a scant foot away. “Dammit, Cas! Get a bell.”

Castiel ignored this. “I saw your face back there, Dean. You froze.”

“I...” Dean looked away from the piercing stare of blue eyes. He _had_ frozen. The fire had brought back all the memories he had tried so hard to forget. He had been reliving his worst nightmare all over again.  “Yeah,” he said, distractedly. “I was thinking about the last fire I was in. I probably would have... Thank you,” he looked back at Castiel and attempted a smile. “You basically pulled me outta there.”

“You’re welcome,” Castiel said. “I was worried for you.”

Dean felt his heart do a flip. “You didn’t need to be, man. I’m okay.”

This time, Castiel didn’t question it. Instead, he lifted a hand and brushed the tips of his fingers against Dean’s cheek in the lightest, tentative caress. Dean blinked slowly; suddenly highly aware of the fact he was shirt-less. But a moment later, Castiel was across the other side of their room, leaving Dean confusing and wondering if the touch had even happened at all. 


	14. Chapter 14

_ Fourteen _

Academy life continued despite the tumultuous events of the arson attack on McLaughlin’s. The only difference Dean noted was that more people noticed him; his face having appeared on nearly every news channel after the arson.  Only a week remained until the mid-semester break, but that apparently meant nothing to the professors and instructors who continued to teach and train as vigilantly as ever. Their combat training soon evolved from basic falls, kicks and punches to mock grappling with each other. For the first time, they had Lieutenant Pamela Barnes as their instructor. She had a slim yet muscular build with long brown hair tied back into a ponytail.

“Don’t all be fooled by this VISOR,” she said, gesturing to the silver and gold band that wrapped around her eyes. “I can still see you clearly enough. I know, for example, that you must be Castiel Milton and you’re part Vulcan.” She pointed directly at Castiel.

“Yes ma’am,” Castiel said.

“You’re giving off a very different heat signature, Cadet,” the Lieutenant said. “Now today, we’re starting you on actually fighting one another, in a mock sense of course. Warm up as you normally would, then report back to me.”

They obliged, and then returned to sit in front of her once more. “You will need to pair up for this exercise,” Lieutenant Barnes continued. “It will be easier to begin training with someone of similar height to you. One will act as the ‘attacker’ and the other as the ‘defender’. You will swap half way through the lesson. We clear?”

“Yes ma’am,” they chorused together.

“Good,” Lieutenant Barnes said with a nod.

They all stood up and headed towards partners. “Sucks to be Sam,” Dean said in an undertone to Charlie. “He’s got to be the tallest in his prep group. No one will want to partner him!”

“Sasquatch,” Charlie agreed and Dean grinned at her.

Dean and Castiel automatically paired up together, without either having to confirm it. “No crazy Vulcan ninja Nerve-Pinching skills, okay?” Dean said.

Castiel tilted his head and his lips quivered as though he were trying to hide a smile. “That would be unfair of me. However, I cannot promise my instinct won’t take over at some point.”

Dean let out a theatrical groan. “I think I want to change partners.” But he smiled at Castiel, just to ensure the half-Vulcan knew he was joking.

They got into position and Castiel had just taken a hold of Dean’s forearm in an attempt to throw him, when the door banged open and an official-looking man entered. Everyone paused and watched him walk towards them. Lieutenant Barnes stepped forward to meet him. After a brief exchange of words, the dark grey-suited man continued towards were Dean and Castiel stood.

“Admiral Chuck Shurley wants to see you, Winchester,” he said in a gruff voice.

“The Admiral?” Dean repeated, eyes widening in shock. “That guy’s like God! Why does he want to see me?” The messenger said nothing, but turned and left the training court, leaving Dean no choice but to follow him. Castiel’s large concerned eyes found his and Dean gave a reassuring smile. “I’ll catch you later, Cas.”

The walk to Starfleet Headquarters was shorter than Dean had hoped. His mind was currently running through every possible scenario as to why the Admiral would want to see him. First and foremost in his mind was his presence at the McLaughlin’s Bar arson. Did they want to question him about it? Or was it something else? Had the Admiral caught wind of the fighting between Dean and his friends and Alistair? Was Dean about to be expelled for unruly behaviour? A bead a sweat trickled uncomfortably down his back.

Dean followed his guide around a corner and the large headquarter building rose up before them. On a clear day, the sun would have glinted blindingly off the glass windows. But even against the cloudy sky, it presented an impressive sight. Dean knew the building housed offices for all the high-ranking academy staff, as well as board rooms and council chambers. It was because of this, Dean suspected, that the building was placed on the edge of the land, providing priceless views of Horseshoe Bay and the Golden Gate Bridge. Dean’s opportunity to sight-see was limited however as the messenger lead him through the main entrance and up a series of stairs to a lift.

“The Admiral’s office is on the top floor,” he said, which must have been one of the most redundant sentences Dean had ever heard. “You are to wait for him in his waiting room.”

“Yes, sir,” Dean said automatically.

The lift door opened and Dean entered a small reception area, where a tanned woman with large eyes sat behind a desk. His guide had not followed him out of the lift. “Uh, Cadet Dean Winchester for the Admiral.”

“He will be with you momentarily,” she said in a cool voice, gesturing to a waiting chair. Dean smiled his thanks and sat down. 

He’d only been there a few moments when a door to his left opened and Dean stood to attention immediately as it revealed Admiral Chuck Shurley. For the Superintendent of the Academy, Chuck posed a rather unintimidating figure at only five feet, six inches. But his short, neatly trimmed beard and freshly pressed uniform gave him an aura of authority. “Dean Winchester.”

“Yes sir.”

“Come in,” the Admiral pulled back from the door and gestured into this office. “Take a seat.”

Dean followed the shorter man inside and sat down in front of the large desk, a feeling of apprehension weighing his stomach down.

“No doubt you’re wondering why I’ve requested to see you,” the Admiral said, peering at Dean closely over the top of his glasses.

“Uh, yes sir,” Dean said.

“Relax. You’re not in trouble Cadet,” the older man said. Despite his words, the knot in Dean’s stomach loosened only slightly. “I want to speak to you about the events of the suspected arson at McLaughlin’s Bar. I believe you were present at the time.”

“Yes sir,” Dean said. “My friends and I were having a celebratory drink.”

“Something I often encourage,” the Admiral said and Dean blinked in surprise. “Off the record, of course.”

“Of course, sir,” Dean replied.

“Current evidence is pointing towards the fact this arson was a targeted attack. Have you any suspicions as to who may have caused this?”

Yes. The short answer that flashed up in Dean’s mind was yes. “Sir, I...”

“I am aware that you and your friend Castiel Milton have been the victims of bullying,” the Admiral said as Dean trailed off. “If I were to tell you that security footage places one,” he paused to look at a note on his desk, “Alistair Rolston at the back entrance to McLaughlin’s Bar, would that make your answer any clearer?”

“Yes, sir,” Dean said, looking down. He wasn’t one for telling on people, even scum like Alistair, and a sense of guilt flooded him. The Superintendent of Starfleet Academy knew about the bullying and, by extension, the fighting.

“I don’t tolerate bullying at my Academy,” the Admiral said, surveying Dean sharply, an all too knowing look in his eye.

“Yes sir,” Dean said.

“And I expect you to report it if anything happens again. I think I’m right in saying that no one wants a repeat of the fire at McLaughlin’s.”

“No sir.”

“Good,” the Admiral nodded. Then added, in a quieter voice. “I suspect that you and Cadet Milton will have less to worry about on that front in the near future.”

“Sir?” Dean questioned. But the Admiral waved it off.

“On a different note, you’re results so far have been most satisfactory.” He picked up another piece of paper and began to peruse it. “Crowley Macleod in particular has much praise. He said you personally helped your fellow classmate to improve on his fitness and weightlifting scores.”

“He did?” Dean said, surprised to hear that Crowley had praised him. “Um, thank you.”

“I hope you keep it up. If your results continue as they are, you would be looking at an immediate placement upon a starship when you graduate.”

“Thank you, sir.” Dean felt himself blushing in delight at the high praise.

Admiral Shurley nodded. “Best of luck with your upcoming assessment.”

Dean knew a dismissal when he heard it and instantly got to his feet. Protocol dictated he salute, but the Admiral waved him off, already having return to a large pile of paperwork. “Thank you, sir,” Dean said again. He relaxed only when the whoosh of air signified the door had closed behind him. 

The trip back down in the lift saw Dean wiping the back of his hand over a damp forehead. The Admiral of Starfleet had praised his work and his results. And he knew about the bullying and implied Alistair was the culprit of the arson. It was nearly all too much to handle. The combat class he had left seemed like it had taken place eons ago. Stepping out of the lift, Dean glanced around the spacious lobby area, with ceilings that seemed to stretch upwards forever. It really was a beautiful building. He could see why many people opted to work here instead of in the cramped quarters on a spaceship.

“Hey, kid. How’re doing?” The voice of Bobby Singer suddenly interrupted Dean’s thoughts.

“Bobby! Hey!” Dean spun on the spot to face the older man.

“Glad to see you’re doing well, son,” Bobby said, clapping a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

“How are you?” Dean asked.

“I heard what happened,” Bobby said, ignoring Dean’s question. He shook his head. “I never would have guessed...” he trailed off and looked at Dean sharply. “You should have told me what was going on.”

“How did you-?”

“The Admiral filled me in,” Bobby said. “That don’t matter, anyways. There’s not a lot that goes unseen here. Point is, you shoulda come to me.”

Dean looked away. “There wasn’t anything you could have done. Besides, we were coping.”

“You got a popular bar burnt down,” Bobby said.

“That wasn’t us!” Dean replied, louder than he had meant to. He glanced around at the people milling around in the lobby, some of whom had turned to look at him. “Sorry.”

“Ah, don’t be,” Bobby shook his head again. “I was just worried about you, kid. I’ve seen what happens when you don’t speak out. Your father for one. He never spoke about what happened and it just... I mean look what happened there.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah...”

“But hey,” Bobby smiled at him. “You’re a better man than your daddy ever was. So you do both of us a favour and don’t be him. Next time, you let me know. Let someone know. I don’t want to see anyone get hurt.”

“Yes sir,” Dean said and Bobby cuffed him lightly around the head.

“What’ve I said ‘bout calling me ‘sir’!”

Dean smiled. “What happens now?” he asked.

“They’ll be a trial or sorts,” Bobby shrugged. “They’re usually small, but since this may have involved a cadet it could be widely broadcast.”

“A trial?” Dean said. “I didn’t realize there was someone to trial yet…” He shifted awkwardly, unsure how much the Admiral had shared with Bobby regarding Alistair.

Bobby raised his eyebrows. “Place like this, there is always security footage. We’ll catch who ever started that fire, no doubt about it.”

There was a trial of course and, as predicted, it was widely broadcast. Dean followed it closely. Neither he nor Castiel were called upon as witnesses, but this suited them fine as they still had assessment to prepare for. They heard the outcome of the inquest, though. Everybody did. The security footage had easily identified Alistair as the perpetrator. The bullying did not factor in, despite Admiral Shurley’s words to Dean. The footage was all they needed and after only a day, Alistair Rolston was expelled from the Academy. Anti-climactic as it was, Dean still felt a surge of victory go through him when he heard the news.

It was over.


	15. Chapter 15

_ Fifteen _

Dean sat next to Sam on the shuttle back to Lawrence, the opening riff of Metallica’s _Master of Puppets_ playing in his head. His fear of flying had by no means diminished over the course of his time at Starfleet Academy. But because his brother was actually one of the most thoughtful people Dean knew, Sam had kept up a steady stream of conversation. He told Dean how his own prep training was going and lamented about how difficult it was living with Gabriel at times, with all his pranking ways. Dean didn’t say much, but Sam already knew how grateful he was.

The last week before the break had been hectic. Final evaluations had been done during physical training and results were finally released for their theoretical exams. Dean had passed and hadn’t been able to wipe the smile off his face for the entire day (until Sam had commented on how frightening it looked).

There had also been repercussions of Alistair’s expulsion to deal with. While Dean knew they wouldn’t try anything for the rest of their Starfleet career, Alistair’s friends were not pleased at losing their leader.  Additionally, since the trial was so publicised, the majority of the cadets knew what had happened and began to shun Alistair’s remaining friends. This hadn’t surprised Castiel, who told Dean of a similar case when his brother was at the Academy. After their friend had been expelled, the others hadn’t stayed much longer. Dean found himself secretly hoping the others would drop out too.

Ash met them at the shuttle port in his beat up car. “Hey boys!” he said, grasping arms with Sam and then Dean. “Good to see you two in one piece.”

“Good to see you too, Ash,” Sam said. “And, shotgun!”

“Dude! I didn’t even get a chance to say hello,” Dean complained. He was barely up to standing after the shuttle ride, if truth be told. But he mustn’t have looked queasy enough to warrant sympathy because Sam just grinned. 

“I gotta respect a guy with shotgun priorities,” Ash said, and he held out a fist for Sam to bump. Grumbling, Dean flung his bag into the backseat and climbed in after it. Sam, grinning broadly, slid into the passenger seat.

“So how’s everything back home?” Sam asked as Ash pulled out onto the road.

“We’re all good,” Ash replied. “Same old, same old. Jo’s been playing too much REO, so I’m hoping you’ll set her straight on that one, Dean.”

“Damn right I will,” Dean said. “How’s Ellen?”

“Recovering from the heart attack you two gave her when she found out about that arson business.”

“Seriously?”

“I don’t think she had a literal heart attack, Sammy,” Dean said and Sam turned around in the front seat to glare at him.

“Nah. She was worrying quite a bit, though,” Ash said. “She’ll probably crush your ribs in a hug when she sees you. Probably shouldn’t do it again, yeah?” He phrased it lightly, but Dean could hear the tone of concern under it.

“Sure thing, man,” he said.

“Excellent!”

~ *XX* ~

 “Oh my boys!” Ellen said and hugged them in an uncharacteristic display of emotion. Over her shoulder, Dean saw Ash give him a ‘what did I tell you?’ look.

“Hey Ellen,” Dean mumbled.

“It’s so good to see you both in one piece,” she added, releasing Dean and embracing Sam with the same force.

“You should have seen her when news of that arson came through,” Ash said with a smile. “Nearly killed herself in the rush to reach her communicator.”

“We were all worried for a while there,” Jo said as Ellen narrowed her eyes at Ash.

“It was fine,” Dean said, brushing it off. None of them truly believed him, but dropped the topic and Ellen offered them all drinks in welcome.

Harvelle’s Roadhouse was located on the outskirts of Lawrence city, but that never affected its popularity. The front part of the building held the bar and customer seating; there was a small kitchen and a door that led into the large house where Dean and Sam had spent their childhood with Ellen, Jo and Ash. It hadn’t changed much over the years and Dean’s time at the Academy had seen no further changes.

“Nice to see this place hasn’t changed,” Sam said and Dean smiled at him.

“I’m presuming your drink order hasn’t changed either,” Ellen said, handing out beers to everyone.

“Thanks,” Sam said, just as Dean said, “not at all, Ellen.”

For a moment there was silence as they all took long drags of their drinks. Dean made a hum of pleasure. “I swear drinks taste better here,” he said.

“Nobody pulls a drink like Ellen does,” Ash said and there was a murmur of assent.

“Damn right,” Ellen said.

“So, how’s my baby?” Dean asked. “You been running her every now and then?”

 “Of course,” Jo said, a hint of amusement in her voice.

Dean either didn’t notice it or ignored it. “Good. Can I..?”

“Jesus Dean, we’ve barely got here and you’ve been drinking!”

“It’s low alcohol, Sammy,” Dean said. “Barely even one standard.”

“He’s right,” Ellen said. To Dean, she added, “go.”

Grinning, Dean got up from the table and grabbed the Impala’s keys from where they hung on the wall. “I’ll be back soon.”

“Take all the time you want,” Sam said. “Just don’t give up any details of your alone time together.”

Dean raised his middle finger at Sam before walking in the direction of the garage.

Pulling back the car cover with a flourish sent a cascade of dust flying revealing the shining black 1967 Chevrolet Impala. “Hey baby,” Dean whispered fondly, running his hands across the flank of his car. “I’ve missed you.”

Sliding into the driver’s seat, he started the car up and it let out a roaring rumble that brought a grin to Dean’s lips. With well practiced movement, he thrust a cassette into the ancient player and the familiar sounds of AC/DC’s Back in Black filled the garage. Still grinning, Dean let out a whoop of joy and pressed the accelerator.

Driving had that feeling of release that Dean relished so much. With nothing but the open road, good tunes and nearly 300 horsepower underneath you, the experience was freeing. And Dean had missed it. After nearly six months away from it, with all his focus on studying and passing exams, it was a relief for Dean to know that he could slide back into the driver’s seat and continue where he left off in his old life. He rolled down the window further and a cool breeze washed over him, contrasting perfectly with the bright, hot sunshine.

The road twisted sharply ahead of him, but Dean didn’t slow down. He knew this route like the back of his hand. He shifted down a gear and turned the car round with expert precision, flicking the tail end out as he did. He didn’t have to worry about other road users; he’d never had to. No one used cars anymore. The only people who owned cars were those who kept them as antiques to be sold in exchange for mountains of money. 

Dean knew it wouldn’t always last like this. Fuel was so expensive that he had to actually save for it and get it imported from the Middle East. And his baby wasn’t exactly what you would call fuel efficient.  Dean shook his head, freeing himself of those thoughts. Today was a day for perfect driving and perfect music. He could worry about that later.

Dean shimmied the car around another tight curve and suddenly found himself thinking about Castiel. He knew the half-Vulcan would find this highly illogical. Driving an ancient car when transporters existed would simply not compute. The thought of Castiel sitting in the car with him, muttering about the absurdness of it all made Dean smile. He wasn’t sure he’d let Castiel actually drive the Impala. After all, Dean never let Sam drive her. But he did enjoy the idea of taking Castiel for a drive. Maybe one day he’d invite Castiel to visit.

That thought kept Dean entertained for more miles than he would care to admit.

Sam was waiting for Dean when he eased the car back into the garage. “Enjoy yourself?” Sam said.

“Always,” Dean replied, closing the door and brushing a hand over the cars flanks.

Sam rolled his eyes, but grinned despite himself. “We were nearly ready to send out a search party.”

Dean frowned and dug his comm of his pocket. The time display told him he’d been gone for nearly two hours. “Huh,” he said. “Guess time flies when you’re having fun.” He smiled and clapped Sam on the shoulder.

Sam shook his head fondly. “Come on. Ellen and Jo have made dinner.”

“Are they still alive to share it with us?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. Ellen and her daughter were infamous for not getting along in the kitchen.

“Barely,” Sam said.

Dean entered the Roadhouse to the smell of something meaty and delicious and a beautifully laid table by the bar. “Wow! You guys didn’t have to go to all this effort.”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Ash quipped. “It’s all for me.”

Dean rolled his eyes, but couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face. It truly was like coming home.

As they ate the roast beef and fried potatoes – Dean’s favourite – they talked as though they hadn’t seen each other in years. Conversation focused largely on the Academy. Life at the Roadhouse remained much the same, with perhaps the exception of Ash sleeping on the pool tables less. Eventually, the topic shifted to the arson and Dean and Sam spent nearly half an hour explaining, in detail, all that had happened.

“So this Alistair’s been expelled now?” Ellen asked.

“Yeah.”

“And, by law, he can’t reapply to the Academy ever,” Sam said.

“Good,” Jo said. Ash nodded in accord.

“Which is a shame,” Dean said wistfully. “I’m gonna miss beating that guy up.”

“Dean!”

“I’m gonna miss watching Cas beat that guy up?” Dean offered instead, shrugging at his brother.

“This Cas is your roommate, yeah?” Ash said.

“Yeah,” Dean said, smiling automatically.

“And he beat up a guy for you?” Jo asked, raising her eyebrows.

“I think Dean beat Alistair up first and then Cas came to the rescue,” Sam said.

“Shut up, Sammy!” Dean replied and Sam smirked.

“Either way, you should bring Cas here sometime,” Ellen said. “He sounds like a nice guy. And any guy who rescued our Dean in a fight definitely deserves a free drink.” She winked at Sam.

“Really?” Dean said, surprised, skipping over Ellen’s teasing. “I mean, you wouldn’t mind?”

She smiled at him, all too knowingly. “Not at all sweetie.”

~ *XX* ~

Later that night, Dean sat on the edge of the small bed in his room. A thin layer of dust had already settled upon the room after his few months at the Academy, but that didn’t bother him now. Dean stared down at the comm in his hands and swallowed against a suddenly dry throat.

He should message Castiel. Let him know that he arrived safely; that he hoped Castiel was enjoying himself; that he _missed_ Castiel. But he couldn’t get his fingers to work and tap out the message. They were only friends after all and Dean didn’t have to check up on him, did he? The concept probably hadn’t even occurred to Castiel, who rarely used his comm for social purposes.

With a sigh, Dean flipped his comm shut and flopped backwards onto the bed and stared up at the wooden beams supporting the ceiling. It was only a short break. He’d see Castiel soon enough anyway.


	16. Chapter 16

_ Sixteen _

Dean opened the door to his dormitory with well-practiced ease. The queasy feeling left over from the shuttle ride back to the Academy had not yet left him and Dean suspected he was paler than usual. Already he was beginning to miss the Kansas air and the feel of freedom he associated with it. Dean felt like he had just gottenback into a routine at the Roadhouse before he had to leave again. His throat tightened at the thought of the place and of Ellen and Jo and Ash and the thought of his car parked away and gathering dust until he returned again. He almost regretted leaving.

But as the dormitory door opened and Dean took in the sight of the room he shared with Castiel, some of the regret left him and a smile tugged at his lips. And sitting at their small desk was the half-Vulcan himself, who had looked up when the door had opened.

“Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas,” Dean replied, unable to stop his smile from widening. “How are you?”

“I’m perfectly fine. It... it is good to see you returned.” Castiel stood up and made towards the shorter man. Awkwardly, he placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder.

Dean nodded, understandingly. “I missed you too, man.”

“How was your time in Kansas?” Castiel asked, stepping back to allow Dean space to throw his bag onto his bed.

“Awesome,” Dean said with a wistful sigh as he sat down next to his bag. “Ellen and Jo and Ash haven’t changed a bit and I was able to drive my baby a few times.” He sighed again. “It was a good break. How about you? What crazy Vulcan things did you get up to?”

Castiel blinked slowly. “I am unsure about ‘crazy’, but I visited my brother Michael at his shore leave quarters. My family, however were less than accommodating to my presence. I spent most of the holiday here with Anna and Gabriel for company.”

Dean sat up a little straighter; Castiel rarely talked about his family. “Less than accommodating?” he repeated softly.

Looking down at his hands, Castiel said, “their opinion about my choices in life has not changed. Michael only invited me because it’s the ‘social norm’,” Castiel hooked fingers in an air quotes motion. “He and Uriel made it clear I was unwelcome however. And when my father arrived...”

Dean swallowed in apprehension as Castiel trailed off. “He still thinks anthro and archaeology are a - what was it? - a soft choice?”

Castiel lips quirked. “He does.”

Dean stood up, closed the distance between them and put his arms around Castiel. The half-Vulcan froze. “It’s called a hug,” Dean murmured. “You can relax.”

“I know what a hug is, Dean,” Castiel said, sounding somewhat petulant. Dean grinned and Castiel relaxed into him for a moment. “Thank you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Dean said, pulling away. “What’re friends for, right?”

Castiel nodded. “I considered messaging you while you were away, you know.”

“Why didn’t you?” Dean asked and mentally asked himself to the same thing. He had spent too many hours at the Roadhouse debating if he should comm Castiel and if so, what he should say. And in the end, he had done nothing.

“I assumed you would be busy. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“You wouldn’t have been interrupting _anything_ ,” Dean assured him.

There was a long pause and Castiel just stared unblinkingly into Dean’s eyes. Suddenly he flinched violently and stepped backwards as though he’d only just realised how close they were standing after their embrace.

“Cas?” Dean said, with a frown.

“I’m fine, Dean,” Castiel said, turning back to the desk. “I just remembered I have an appointment in the library with Kevin to look over some archaeology notes. I will see you later.”

“Sure,” Dean said, still frowning. One moment later, the dormitory door shut on Castiel’s hastily retreating form. Dean shivered, as though the room had dropped ten degrees and set about unpacking his bag, trying not to analyse his roommate’s action too closely.

~ *XX* ~

The start of their second term passed quickly and the weeks that followed flew by. The days steadilybecame warmer and many first year cadets made the discovery that their red uniforms were even more uncomfortable in the hotter weather than they were during the cooler months. Dean was getting into the habit of stripping down to his boxers the minute he arrived back in his room. Castiel, on the other hand, gave no indication that the clothes were giving him discomfort.

Classes all continued as normal, with readings, essays and oral reports that seemed never ending. Dean found he rather liked the crease of concentration that would appear between Castiel’s eyes whenever the half-Vulcan was concentrating on something. It was usually a few minutes before Dean realised he was studying his roommate rather than his own school work and he had to mentally kick himself. There were more parties to attend, both officiated by the Academy and private. Dean had another baseball match and finally convinced Castiel to come along to it, which he was more proud of than actually winning the match.

They were both too busy to truly worry about the next dorm inspection. Castiel’s neatness counteracted Dean’s lack of order, so cleaning barely took any time at all.

Before they knew it, the end of the semester was already rapidly approaching and with it the week-long survival task.

~ *XX* ~

“As you all should know, your prep training culminates with a mini survival task, similar in structure to those you will face in your third and final years of study.”

Dean felt like it was the beginning of the year all over again. The first year cadets were all seated in the assembly hall, while Rear Admiral Naomi Tapping instructed them on their survival task. It was eerily similar to their very first day. Charlie cast him a look which clearly said she was thinking the same thing. Dean grinned.

“You will be organised into groups of five and taken to a remote section of Mendocino National Forest, which was kindly donated to the Academy for training purposes. In addition to your own peers, each group will contain a second year cadet in training to be a captain. You will be expected to obey any command given by your second year cadet. This exercise is also about training our future captains in leadership and many of you will return to the National Forest in your second year here at the Academy.

“A group number and location will be sent to your comms shortly. When you have received this, join your fellow team members. A shuttle will take you out to your designated sector of the National Forest and you will set up a camp. The ultimate goal of this week is simply to survive. No sustenance will be provided to you and all food must be that which you find. Depending on your sector in the forest, you will be able to forage for food or hunt game or fish. Shelter must be found or built by yourselves.

“Each group will be equipped with a tricorder and basic medical supplies. Your acting captain will also be equipped with standard comms, which is only to be used in case of emergency.” Naomi Tapping paused and glanced around at the cadets. “The aim of this is to replicate a typical landing party. At the end of the week, you will return to the Academy in time for the end of semester.”

Naomi Tapping went on to explain how each group would include different people with different skill sets. A part of Dean’s mind instantly leapt to the idea of Castiel being the archaeology/anthropology expert on his team. And if he tuned out for a moment, entertaining the thought of him and Castiel sitting in a makeshift shelter, beside a crackling fire, then he wasn’t going to admit it. Ever. Because he wasn’t entirely sure where that thought had come from.

Dean’s comm buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out.

**_Group 7, Brushy Mountain Base_ **

Dean looked over to Castiel and read the half-Vulcan’s comm display. Castiel was already looking at Dean’s.

“Group three, huh,” Dean said, trying not to let any disappointment leech into his voice.

“Apparently so. Group three, Elk Creek,” Castiel glanced up at Dean. “I believe that’s a desert location.”

Dean nodded. Around them, cadets were getting to their feet and chatting amongst themselves as they located the other members of their group; Charlie had already given them a wave and disappeared down the steps of the theatre to find her group.

“I’ll see you later, Dean,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, sure.”

“Best of luck during your week away.”

“You too.” Dean clapped a hand on Castiel’s shoulder and forced a smile. “See ya, Cas.”

“Goodbye Dean,” Castiel said and after a second of hesitation he placed his own hand on Dean’s shoulder. And then he was gone.

Anna appeared beside Dean a moment later. “Group seven?”

“Yeah!”

She gave him a wide smile. “At least I’ll be able to keep you out of trouble then,” she said. “Even if it is just for a week.”

“Me? Trouble?” Dean said, raising an eyebrow. Anna giggled.

“Castiel said you were in group seven,” a voice said and Dean and Anna turned as one to face Kevin Tran.

“Sure are,” Anna said.

“Hey Kev,” Dean said with a smile.

“Don’t call me Kev,” Kevin muttered, unimpressed.

“Okay,” Dean said, drawing the word out.

“Who are we waiting on then?” Anna asked, looking around.

“Communications guy and-”

“Captain Tessa Reaves.” The woman who spoke carried a large pack over one shoulder and held what was unmistakably a copy of the Starfleet Survival Guide in one hand. Her brown hair was worn short and out of her face. “Well, Captain-in-training,” she amended with a sheepish smile. “I’m second year.”

They introduced themselves quickly and Tessa nodded, clearly intent on remembering them all.

“We were just wondering who our last group member was,” Kevin said.

Tessa consulted her comm. “Someone by the name of Richard Roman. You know him?”

“The name sounds familiar,” Dean said, frowning in concentration. Where had he heard that name before?

“Okay, why don’t you wait here for him,” Tessa said. “Anna and Kevin, I need you to come with me to collect our medical supplies, tricorder and packs.”

Dean nodded and began a scan of the room as the others left. It didn’t take him long to recognise Richard Roman. He wasn’t a tall man, but nonetheless cast an intimidating figure and the memory of a bar fight flooded into Dean’s mind. Richard Roman had been one of Alistair’s friends. Dean swallowed. The last of Alistair’s legacy. After a fleeting moment of hesitation, Dean decided to make the best of it. If they were to spend the week together in a demanding situation it would surely be in both their best interests to put past events behind them. Fixing his face and feeling determined to be friendly, Dean approached Roman.

“Hey,” he said, offering a hand. “Group seven, yeah?”

Roman stared down at Dean’s hand before looking up at Dean’s almost sunny expression. “Dean Winchester,” he said, smiling a sinister smile.

“Richard Roman,” Dean replied, hesitantly. He dropped his hand after it became apparent Roman wasn’t going to take it.

“Call me Dick.”

Dean’s eyes widened slightly. “Okay, Dick.”

Dick smiled again, showing very white teeth. “Going to be an interesting week, don’t you think?”

“Not too interesting,” Tessa said, hoisting a bag over her shoulder as she joined them. Anna and Kevin stood behind her with their gear. “I plan on keeping a tight ship.”

“Noted,” Dick said.

 “We all introduced then?” Tessa asked, taking a step to the side so Anna and Kevin were less excluded. Dick nodded at them and Anna and Kevin nodded back, less friendly then they would have usually been as though they had sensed Dean’s tenseness. “Excellent,” Tessa continued. “Let’s get this show on the road!”


	17. Chapter 17

_ Seventeen _

Four hours had passed since Dean had left the Academy. And for the last two, he’d been steadily walking towards their group’s shelter for the night. All things considered, they had been lucky...

A shuttle had flown them out to their designated area and Tessa had spent the short flight studying a map of Brushy Mountain. Once they arrived, she set them on a path which would lead to a small cave at the base of the mountain itself. The first hour of their task was unlike anything Dean had experienced before. He knew he was fit; he could play baseball and run fast, and the hours of physical training had increased his muscle strength. But the trek over sloping, uneven ground with a heavy pack on his back was tough-going. After an hour, the pack had begun to chafe Dean’s shoulders. It only carried a spare set of clothes, an inflatable mattress, and a tricorder, but it was an extra weight Dean wasn’t used to.

“Should we be looking for food right now too?” Anna asked Tessa suddenly.

Tessa swore. “Yes, we should have been since the start. I completely forgot! Keep an eye out for berries and mushrooms for now,” she told them. “But don’t eat any until we’ve scanned them with the tricorder. I don’t want any poisonings.” After that, they slowly added to the weight in their packs by collecting berries, mushrooms and even a few small hanging fruits.

Anna fell in beside Dead just before they began the climb upwards to the cave. “How’re you holding up?”

“I’m good,” Dean said, shifting the pack on his back. He wasn’t going to complain this early into the task. He glanced over at her. “How about you?”

“About the same,” she glanced up at the sky, where a bank of clouds were closing in. “I do hope we can get to this cave Tessa mentioned before that rain hits, though.”

Dean followed her gaze and huffed in assent. “I can’t imagine these packs will get any more comfortable when wet.”

“I’m hoping they’re waterproof. These medical supplies I’ve got won’t be of much use when wet!”

 “They are waterproof,” Tessa said, overhearing Anna’s comment. “And rain is likely to be the least of your worries this week.”

“Well that’s encouraging,” Kevin muttered.

“Cheer up, sour-face,” Dick said, nudging Kevin as they walked. “We can’t be far off.”

Dean bristled on behalf of Kevin at Dick’s mocking tone, but said nothing. A light spit of rain began to fall and there was a general groan of discomfort from everyone.

“It should be just beyond this small rise,” Tessa said, ignoring their protests and glancing at the PADD she held. Less than twenty minutes later, the five of them reached the small cave. “We’ll make camp here. There’s a river further north that we can explore in the morning.” She turned her face up against the light rain and darkening sky. “It would be too risky to head out again in this weather. I don’t want to have to deal with broken ankles this early on.”

Anna, as the team’s medic, nodded in fervent agreement at this and set her medical pack down on the cave floor. For a moment they all glanced around at the dark space, unsure as to what to do now. The cave was dark and by the smell of it, something had definitely lived in it. Dean screwed up his nose. As one, they all looked at Tessa once again.

“Okay team, this afternoon’s assignments. Dick, Anna - I know it’s still raining out there, but I need you to try and find some timber to get a fire started. It’s going to get cold overnight. Dean, Kevin and I are going to explore the rest of this cave. We need to know how far deep it goes and identify any weak points in the structure. I don’t want this place collapsing on us while we sleep.”

“It’s going to need a clean too,” Kevin said, kicking at the clumps of dirt that littered the floor.

“Agreed,” Tessa said. She paused and rummaged through her pack for a moment, pulling out a tricorder. She handed it to Anna. “Take this with you and do a few basic scans if you can. That’ll save us time in the morning.”

“I’ll take that,” Dick said, reaching to take the tricorder off Anna.

“No,” Tessa said firmly. “You won’t. I assigned it to her and she will be in charge of it for now. Those are my orders.” Dick raised his eyebrows in surprise, but said nothing in response. He turned sharply and walked back out into the drizzle. Anna gave an apologetic look before following him.

Dean felt he had drawn the short straw. Exploring the cave hadn’t seemed too difficult at first. He and Kevin ventured further into it, discovering that it was approximately 28 feet deep and therefore allowing plenty of space for their base. However, as the earlier smell had indicated, something _had_ been living in the cave and, as it turned out, died in it too. Together they cleared out the mess and ventured out into the weather to bury it downwind. Thankfully, their supplies had included a small shovel.

Dean then set about determining the safety of the cave’s structure. It was his first real test as an engineer and while he may have spent longer on it than a fully trained engineer, he was confident with his work.

“How do you know about all this stuff?” Kevin asked. “I thought engineers mostly work with all that high-tech di-lithium stuff.”

“We do,” Dean said. “But we all have to do this course that goes through basic engineering principles of building materials. Stone, metals, timber.”

“Sweet,” Kevin said.

“It was dead boring,” Dean admitted with a smile. “But apparently useful.”

“Who’d have thought it, huh?” Kevin said.

Kevin and Dean had just begun to build a fire pit near the mouth of the cave (while Tessa read instructions to them from the Starfleet Survival Guide) when Anna and Dick returned.

“I don’t see why they didn’t just give us a Survival Kit or even just a Shelter Kit,” Dick was saying, dropping a pile of wood unceremoniously onto the cave floor. He was referring to the small kits that when activated, unfold into a small anchored tent, equipped with additional medical supplies, bunks, windows and an insulated floor. The cadets had all been introduced to them within the first month at the Academy and right now, after he’d assessed the cleanliness of the cave, Dean would have given nearly anything for one of them.

Tessa looked up from the Starfleet Survival Guide that she was still perusing. “Because, _Dick,_ you’re not always going to have that luxury.”

Dick scoffed. “Give me a break. I know for a fact that every landing party or away team gets one!”

“And what if you’re attacked by hostiles and your kit is taken from you? What then? I can tell you now that at least one in every three landing parties loses their Survival Kit. Starfleet trains you for coping and adapting to situations that are outside the norm. So I suggest you stop complaining and pointing out what we don’t have and set about making a fire with that timber you collected.”

Dick Roman had the grace to look chastened. Ducking his red face, he set about helping with the fire. Tessa watched him for a moment, before turning to Anna. “Did you find anything else?”

“We caught a glimpse of the river you mentioned. The bank looks a bit unstable in parts, but it’s deep and fast flowing, which has made for a healthy fish supply that we can make use of. There’s also some berries growing along the river and Dick discovered what looks like elk tracks.”

“Good work,” Tessa said. “Both of you. We’ll check those out tomorrow. Hopefully this weather will improve by then.”

Dick got the fire going moment later and the five of them settled around it and combined what food they’d collected earlier. Only two of the berries were identified as poisonous, so they didn’t go completely hungry.

“Okay guys,” Tessa began, stretching out. “Tomorrow we’re going to break into groups to find food. We’re pretty well situated here, so shelter isn’t an issue. We’ve got plenty of water, which we can easily sterilise with our phaser. It’s food that we will have difficulty with, I think.”

“That’s it?” Dick asked. “Seems pretty straightforward.”

“I wasn’t finished,” Tessa said. She took a deep breath. “You know that Starfleet owns the areas used for survival training. Over the years they’ve introduced a lot of native wildlife. This is great news in terms of food for us, but it also means we risk running into larger animals that are more than capable of killing us. We’re not just here to survive the bush, but also to survive its animals.”

“Why didn’t they tell us this before we left?” Kevin asked.

“Because we’re not meant to know,” Tessa said.

“How come you do then?” said Dean.

“You hear things,” Tessa shrugged. “I’ve a friend who would have been mauled by a Black Bear if not for one of her teammates.”

“Bears?” Dick asked, eyes widening slightly.

“Bears, mountain lions, bobcats, snakes, I can bring up a comprehensive list on my PADD if you like?”

“You know what, I’m good,” Dick said.

“I don’t want you to worry, though. Our chances of encountering any of those species are low. Anyway, I think we should all head to bed. I want you all up at dawn tomorrow so we get an early start tomorrow. Who wants to take first watch?”

“I will,” Dean said.

Tessa nodded. “Okay, I’ll take second. Wake me in four hours time.”

“I have a question,” Kevin said as they began pulling out their rudimentary mattresses and sleeping bags. “This cave we’re in. It’s not a bear cave or something like that?” Dean knew he was remembering the remains they had cleaned out a few hours earlier.

“It’s possible,” Tessa said, matter-of-factly. “I’m setting a watch for that reason.”

“Oh. Yay.” The sarcasm in Kevin’s voice was obvious.

Dean took up a position at the mouth of the cave, with the fire just behind him to warm his back. Tessa handed over the single phaser they had been allowed and Dean spent a few moments looking over it. They’d never been allowed a live weapon at the Academy except in classes and even then they’d been used only rarely. This one was an older model, slightly bulkier than the newer ones, but still with the oscillating nozzle which switched between the ‘stun’ and ‘kill’ settings. Leaving it on the ‘stun’ setting, Dean looked up and out into the darkness.

The rain seemed to have finally stopped, but the temperature had turned cold. Rather than move towards the fire, Dean wrapped his arms around himself tighter in an attempt to keep warm. He let out a long sigh. He wondered how Castiel was doing. There was a pang in Dean’s chest at this thought and he realised how much he missed the half-Vulcan. The day had been so busy and tiring that he’d hardly thought about Castiel. _That_ thought made him feel guilty. And more than ever Dean wished his roommate was with him now. He didn’t mind Kevin and Anna and Tessa (and even Dick was becoming tolerable after Tessa’s firm words) but he would have preferred Castiel’s company. He hoped his roommate was at least comfortable and not trapped out in the cold and wet. The cave was not perfect, but it did provide good shelter.

Three hours later, Dean gently woke Tessa for her watch and then he climbed into his sleeping bag. Rolling over to face away from the fire, Dean closed his eyes and tried hard not to keep thinking about Castiel.

~ *XX* ~

Dean woke to bright sunshine blinding him. For a moment, he felt an odd sense of dislocation, like he was missing a limb. It took him a few moments to remember he was in a cave on his survival task and no longer in the comfort of his dorm room. Hearing voices, Dean rolled over and saw Tessa and Anna already awake and chatting quietly. To his right, Kevin and Dick were still asleep.

“Morning,” he said.

“Good morning!’ Tessa said, loud enough to draw the two other men from their dreams. Both Kevin and Dick grumbled, but after a moment spent squinting against the sunlight, they joined the others. Without breakfast to eat, Tessa immediately split them up into groups. Her, Anna and Kevin would scope the area in daylight, collecting berries, water and finding a more suitable location for a bathroom. Dean and Dick were sent further downstream to catch what fish they could.

As soon as they were well out of earshot of the cave, Dick turned to Dean and spoke in a light and overly-casual voice. “So I bet you and your Vulcan chum have been feeling pretty smug since you got Alistair kicked out.”

Dean would have been fooling himself if he hadn’t expected this. “He got himself kicked out,” he replied, keeping his voice even with Dick’s.

“No thanks to you, though. Does it make you feel powerful getting people kicked out? Can’t say I blame you for that.”

Thrown by Dick’s casual manner of speaking and wondering where he was going with this, Dean said, “you should be lucky _you’re_ still here to even speak to me.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Do you want it to be?”

Dick stopped and eyed Dean like he was considering eating him. “Threatening me is a very bad move, Winchester. I’ve got friends in high places. Hell, I’m in a high place of my own.”

“And I don’t have friends like that?” Dean retorted. “Castiel is a Milton.”

“A disgraced Milton, if what I’ve heard is anything to go by.”

Dean made a deep growling noise in the back of this throat, but he couldn’t deny what Dick had said. “He’s ten times the man you are and that’s all that matters,” he finally said, clenching his fists and leaning into Dick’s space.

Dick threw back his head and laughed at that. “Look at that, you really do have some spunk.”

“Spunk?”

“Yes,” Dick said, as though daring Dean to make fun of his vocabulary. “Either way, I thought you’d lost it all after Alistair left.”

Taking a deep breath, Dean forced himself to relax. The last thing any of them needed was fighting. The week was going to be hard enough without it and Dean had hoped Dick would understand that. Fists still clenched, Dean said, “don’t make this week any harder than it’s going be.”

“Does your friend, Castiel, still have some spunk in him too?” Dick said, smirking.

Dean said nothing and contemplated punching the other man quite hard in the temple. He took another deep breath. “You’re not going to listen to me whatever I say, so I’m not going to bother saying anything in response to _that_. But listen, we’re stuck together in this right now and it’s going to be tough. So please just grow up... for a week, at least. You can punch the living crap out of me afterwards. Frankly, I’d like the chance to hit you back. But I know you know that Alistair’s leaving was his own fault. Blaming others is just petty. Now come on, we’re meant to be fishing.”

Dean turned away and kept walking, thinking that Sam would be freaking proud of him for making that speech rather than just hitting Dick. Hell, Castiel would probably be proud too. Smiling slightly, Dean made for the river. Dick caught him up a few moments later and gave him a light punch in the shoulder.

“Just getting one in early,” he said cheerfully and Dean rolled his eyes.

“Do me a favour and head 40 feet upstream and try and chase the fish down to me. I’ll catch what I can in the net. There’s a few large rocks here that will make trapping them easier, I think.”

The set-up worked well and within the hour Dean had caught several large fish. Unable to help himself, Dean held up the fish he’d caught and grinned at Dick when he saw the other man making his way back down to him. To his surprise, Dick grinned back and pumped the air with his fist. Dean suspected it was really the hunger talking.

And Dean was still grinning at his success when the ground beneath his feet suddenly crumbled away and he was left falling backwards into the fast-flowing river.

 


	18. Chapter 18

_ Eighteen _

Dean had barely a second to comprehend that the water was freezing, before his left shoulder collided with a rock. Spasms of pain shot down his arm and for a moment all he could think was _fuck fuck FUCK!_ Wrestling with the fast current, Dean struggled to grab hold of something - anything - to stop himself from being swept under. Part of his brain reminded him that dying in a river on a mock survival task in his _very first year_ at Starfleet was a pretty poor way to go. At last he managed to cling to another rock, his shoulder screaming in protest. But Dean’s success was short-lived. The current was too strong and the pain in his shoulder was threatening to make him pass out. Water washed over him, splashing into his mouth and down towards his lungs.

He let go.

And then something was biting into his arm and pulling him upwards. The water seemed to fall away and suddenly he was lying on solid ground again.

“Dean! Dean, are you okay?” the voice of Dick Roman broke through Dean’s thoughts. “Come on, answer me. I really do _not_ want to give you CPR.”

Dean spluttered, coughing up a mouthful of water. “Mm good,” he managed to croak out. The thought of Dick giving him mouth-to-mouth was enough to make him try and sit up.

“Good,” Dick said. “But, shit! Anna’s got the medical tricorder. Big help that is right now.”

“I’m okay,” Dean said, before coughing again. He felt suddenly very stupid. “I fell in though, didn’t I?”

“Yes,” Dick said bluntly. “Are you sure you’re okay? You fell in pretty hard.”

Dean ducked his head, hiding the redness that was spreading over his face. “I banged up my shoulder,” he admitted. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Anna can look at it when we get back.”

“We should head back then,” Dick said. “We got enough food for the rest of the day anyway.”

Shaking some of the water off his face, Dean stood up and then stumbled slightly. His left arm hung limply beside him to minimize the pain in his shoulder. “I’m good,” he repeated as Dick stepped forward to help. “And thank you. For what you did. Pulling me out and all that.”

Ignoring him completely, Dick collected up the fish they’d caught. “So I’m going to carry these back myself then?”

“Sorry,” Dean said, meaning it.

“Come on. If you need me to carry you too, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“I won’t,” Dean said, unable to tell if Dick was being sincere or mocking. “My shoulder was injured, not my legs.”

They walked back in silence after that. The only sound was the squelching of Dean’s wet shoes each time they hit the ground.

~ *XX* ~

Anna held the medical tricorder over Dean’s shoulder and studied the readout intently. “It’s not broken,” she said finally. “You’ve bruised the bone pretty bad though. I can give you terakine for the pain, but there’s nothing else I can do until we’re back at the Academy I’m afraid.”

“I’m good,” Dean grunted.

“Don’t put on a brave face, Dean,” Tessa said. “You’re not here to impress anyone. Take the painkillers. I don’t want you collapsing in pain later on.”

Dean knew she was right and a wave of sheepishness washed over him. He turned to Anna and nodded. She set about preparing one of the few hypos she had been allowed to bring. A moment later there was a faint _whoosh_ and Dean winced in pain as Anna injected him.

“That should start working within a few minutes,” she told Dean.

“Thanks,” Dean said.

“And thanks to Dick,” Tessa said, turning to the other man. “You sure did a good thing back there.”

Dick shrugged. “We’re a team,” he said simply and Tessa nodded with approval.

“And at least we’ve got food now,” Kevin said, looking over at the bag of fish Dick had carried back.

“With that excited attitude, you can prepare it,” Tessa said to Kevin. “There’s a chapter in the Survival Guide about sterilising food with the phaser.”

Kevin accepted this without complaint and set about building up the fire again and preparing meals for them all. It was past one in the afternoon and thus well past time for lunch. Thankfully, within half an hour the food was ready. Fire-cooked fish and water did not make for the greatest meal, but it was filling after 32 hours of nothing but berries.

The afternoon passed in a slow haze for Dean. If you had asked him what he thought the survival task would entail, Dean certainly wouldn’t have said anything about lounging around, in moderate pain, in a cave. He wanted to _do_ something. He wanted to help and go and search for elk with the others. And he was almost grateful when the sun finally sank beyond the trees and darkness fell, leaving little else to do except sleep.

But even then, Dean was restless and hours later he still shifted uncomfortably in the thin sleeping bag. He hadn’t been given watch duties that night because of his shoulder. Dean had protested, but Anna insisted he needed to rest and Tessa pointed out that if they were attacked by something during Dean’s watch, he may not be fit enough to deal with it. He hadn’t argued after that. Despite this, he was unable to sleep. His mind kept replaying scenes from earlier that day: the ground crumbling beneath him, the sky flashing before his eyes as he toppled backwards, the splash of cold water, Dick’s tight grip on his arm.

Giving up on sleep entirely, Dean sat up and rubbed at his aching shoulder. The painkillers had helped, but he wasn’t completely free of pain. Kicking out of the sleeping bag, he quietly stood up and made his away over to the mouth of the cave, where Dick was on watch duty. Dean sat down next to the other man and for a while there was silence. A few lone crickets chirped out in the darkness.

“Uh...” Dean began.

“If you’re here to thank me, I don’t need to hear it,” Dick said. “If you go soft on me now, it’ll take the fun out of everything.”

Dean huffed a laugh and immediately winced as his shoulder gave a throb of pain. “I’m gonna say it anyway. You basically saved my life out there. Thank you.”

“And now you’ve ruined it,” Dick said mildly.

Ignoring him, Dean added, “I just wanna know why though. A few months ago you were physically beating my friends up in a bar fight. Pretty sure, _that_ Dick would have just let me drown.”

“If you think that, then you clearly don’t know me,” Dick said, turning to face Dean. “Out here we’re part of a team. How do you think it would look if we returned to the Academy without you? There’d be an enquiry, we’d all get tied up in red tape and there’s a possibility I’d be expelled. I don’t like you much, Winchester, but believe it or not I want to succeed in Starfleet. I want to serve on a starship just as much as you. And guaranteed I’m not going to like half the people on that ship, so I’ve got to put a few things behind me. There is no need to make a big deal out of it.”

Dean thought about that for a moment. “I get it,” he finally said. “I think it’s a mutual thing.”

“Good,” Dick said. “And you tell anyone I said that and I’ll make sure you drown next time.”

“Got it,” Dean said. He stood up and placed a hand on Dick’s shoulder in another silent thanks. Dick shook it off with a look of disgust that Dean could only just make out in the dim light. Walking back into the cave, Dean lay back down and felt suddenly content. As soon as his head touched the make-shift pillow, he fell asleep.

The rest of the week passed without major incident. Kevin tumbled down a rocky outcrop, earning himself several deep cuts and a large graze across his calf; Tessa twisted her ankle over a tree root; and Dick got bitten by an insect causing his arm to inflate to nearly twice its size until Anna treated it. Only Anna herself seemed to escape any injury, until she and Kevin came across a Black Bear on a trip to collect water. It hadn’t been interested in them, but Anna returned to the cave in a shocked state.

On their last night in the cave, Dean and Kevin built the fire up and cooked the last of their food. The five of them sat around the warmth and chatted until it was well past midnight.

“We should probably head off to bed,” Tessa said. “We still have to walk back to the shuttle base tomorrow.”

“How long will that take us?” Dick asked.

“A few hours,” Tessa said.

“Sweet,” Kevin said. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed this week,” he added in a slight panic. “It’s just... well...”

“You want your own room and a long hot shower,” Tessa guessed with a smile. “Yeah, I remember that feeling.”

“Any longer than a week and I think I would seriously start considering murder in order to acquire a hot shower,” Anna said.

“And a bed,” Dean added, arching his back and stretching his shoulder muscles. There was a murmur of accord before a companionable silence fell and the five of them spent a good time staring into the flickering flames before Tessa more-or-less had to physically drag them away for rest.

The walk back to the shuttle seemed to take more than the few hours Tessa had predicted. Everyone was exhausted after the long week and the late night. Finally though, they made it. The dense trees cleared and the bright gleam of the metal shuttle became visible. Kevin and Anna gave a cheer and even Dean found it within himself to smile. He hated the shuttle rides, but right now he wanted nothing else but to get on board.

“Thanks, Tessa,” Anna said, smiling at the other woman. “You did a fantastic job this week.” The three men joined in with their own expressions of thanks.

“You guys weren’t so bad yourself,” Tessa said. “And make sure you all get those injuries looked at properly when you get back to the Academy.”

“Yes mother,” Kevin said and Tessa ducked her head.

Nobody spoke for a few moments. This wasn’t goodbye, per se, but it felt like it for Dean. He knew there would be a debrief in a couple of days time and he knew he’d still see everyone during classes, but there was an air of finality now that they had arrived back at the shuttle to leave.

“Cadets!” a large man in a Starfleet uniform called over to them from the shuttle door. “We’re ready to board when you are.”

“Coming, sir,” Tessa said. She glanced around at them all, taking in everyone’s tired faces, with their varying bruises and scrapes. “C’mon guys, let’s go home.”

~ *XX* ~

The cadets’ arrival back at the Academy painted scenes of busy chaos. Everyone looked tired and exhausted and ready to crawl into a proper bed and sleep. Bags were strewn all over the courtyard and left abandoned as everyone greeted friends they hadn’t seen in a week. Sam had enveloped Dean in a hug and then let go quickly.

“Dude, you reek!”

“You’re not exactly a bouquet of flowers yourself,” Dean groused.

Sam laughed. “How was your week?”

“Not too bad,” Dean said, honestly. “I think I even made an acquaintance of one of Alistair’s friends. Sort of.”

“What?”

“It’s a long story. One for when I’ve had at least twelve hours sleep and a proper meal.” He purposely didn’t mention his shoulder.

Nodding his assent, Sam said, “Hey man, I wanted to apologise too.”

“For what?” Dean said, pulling a face of confusion.

“Benny,” Sam said. “I was wrong about him, Dean. I’m sorry.”

Whatever Dean had been expecting it hadn’t been that. “Really?”

“Yeah. We were in the same group together and we got along well. He got our group out of a few tight spots,” Sam added, with a guilty shrug.

“Tight spots?”

“It’s a story for after that sleep and food you were talking about,” Sam said. “Point is, I misjudged him and I’m sorry. He’s a good guy.”

“He is,” Dean said. “And I’m glad.” He gave a smile.

Sam opened his mouth to add something further, but Dean interrupted him. “Cas!”

Dean had just seen the unmistakeable neat hair and pointed ears of the half-Vulcan and for a moment, he forgot his brother and made towards Castiel. He was embracing a short, round faced woman with long dark hair. That sight alone made Dean hesitate; he didn’t want to intrude on anything. But Castiel suddenly turned and the short woman left and the half-Vulcan’s eyes lit up as they landed upon Dean.

“Dean!” Castiel’s relieved voice echoed across the crowd of people. They reached each other within seconds and Dean threw his arms around the other man.

“Hey, Cas,” he said, smiling and ignoring his bruised shoulder protests. He missed him, Dean realised, but didn’t admit it out loud. And by the way Castiel pressed himself into Dean, he knew Castiel had missed him too. The thought of that alone made Dean smile even wider.


	19. Chapter 19

_ Nineteen _

The end of the survival task marked the end of the first semester and the Academy emptied out in a matter of hours when the weekend came.Dean could hardly believe it; time had flown by and he could have sworn it was only yesterday he had returned from visiting Lawrence.  This time, however, Dean was staying in San Francisco. The semi-final match in his baseball competition was scheduled for the final week of the break and, besides, he wanted to keep Castiel company. Of course, he would deny that last bit until his dying breath.

On the first day of the break, Dean slept in for the first time in what felt like an age. After the exhaustion of the survival task, his body needed the rest. Castiel, of course, had woken at his usual time. Dean had glimpsed him through sleep crusted eyes as he tip-toed around the room, quiet as a cat. When the door whooshed close behind him, Dean had rolled over and fallen back asleep. It was past midday when Dean woke again. Castiel was sitting at the desk, reading quietly from a PADD.

“Mornin’,” Dean said.

“Is it?” Castiel replied, not looking up.

“Afternoon?” Dean tried, rubbing a hand over his face.

Castiel turned and gave him a small smile. “Afternoon, Dean. You missed breakfast.”

“Eh, it was worth it,” said Dean.

“I brought you back some pastries,” Castiel said, gesturing to a napkin carefully folded around three Danish pastries near the edge of the desk.

Dean’s face lit up and he leapt out of bed. “You’re the greatest, you know that Cas?” Castiel ducked his head and returned to reading while Dean wolfed down the pastries. “So who was the chick from yesterday?” Dean asked, trying to sound casual.

“Meg?” Castiel asked, turning to Dean with a raised eyebrow.

“I think so. The short, dark-haired one that you were hugging after the survival task?”

“That was Meg. Her and I became rather acquainted during our week together.”

“That’s good,” Dean said, rubbing the back of his neck. “How was your week anyway?”

“It was very interesting. Water was somewhat scarce, but we survived. And I learnt a lot. How about you, Dean?”

“It wasn’t too bad, I suppose. Good practice and all that. Made a friend of one of Alistair’s old cronies. Well, I say friend... more of a colleague really.”

Castiel looked at him in surprise. “How did you manage that?”

“He kind of saved my life, actually,” Dean said and recounted the story for his roommate.

“I’m glad you had someone there to help you,” Castiel said, an unbidden tone of concern in his voice. “If something had happened...”

“But it didn’t.” Dean said quickly. “And I got a friend out of it, sort of. So no problem. I’m glad it’s the break anyhow. That week was exhausting.”

Castiel gave a small, uncertain smile. “That we can agree on.”

~ *XX* ~

On the second day of the break, Dean headed over to Charlie’s dorm. His mind kept bringing his thoughts back to Castiel’s joyfully relieved faced after the survival week. And every time, Dean’s heart would clench and beat that little bit faster. The fact that Castiel had missed him that much, as much as Dean had missed _him_ was enough to make him smile just that little bit wider.

“You know, I don’t think I’ve ever been here,” Dean said, as he entered Charlie’s room and looked around at the place she shared with Anna. It was almost identical to his own, but the layout was reversed.

“Really?” Charlie paused in tidying up her desk. Dean nodded and she gave a guilty shrug.

“It’s nice,” Dean commented mildly. “You’ve got a much nicer view than ours. We look out over the Academy offices. You can see the bay from here!”

“It’s not half bad,” Charlie said, joining him at the window. Dean turned and smiled at her as she continued. “So what’s the plan for today? Slumber party? We can have pillow fights and invite Sam over to braid his hair?”

“His hair is seriously getting out of control,” Dean said fervently.

“I’m waiting for the day Gabriel braids flowers into it while Sam’s sleeping,” Charlie said.

“I would pay good money for that picture,” Dean said.

“It’s bound to happen eventually. You can only resist temptation for so long.”

Dean nodded seriously before cracking up.

They spent the next few hours tucked up beside one another watching _The Hobbit_ and quoting lines along with the movie and giggling when they did. 

“So what’s up with you and Cas?” Charlie asked slyly when the credits rolled on the screen. She nudged Dean with her foot.

“What? What are you talking about?”

“You. And. Castiel. You know the attractive, stoic, dreamy guy you share a room with and constantly hang around with? Are you guys... you know... doing the nasty or what?”

Dean sputtered. “What! No! No, of course not. No no. Why would you think that? No!”

Charlie raised an eyebrow as though his reply had very much confirmed her suspicions. “Five ‘no’s’? Yeah, I thought as much. Besides, it looked like you both really missed each other during that survival week.”

“He’s my friend,” Dean said, trying not to sound overly defensive. “Of course I missed him. I missed you too, and Sammy and, hell, even Gabe! That doesn’t mean I’m sleeping with him!”

“Okay,” Charlie held up hands in a placating manner. “Reading you loud and clear. Do you like him, though? As in more than just a friend?”

“What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?” Dean demanded. There was a pause during which neither of them said ‘ _no one expects the Spanish Inquisition_ ’.

“No, sorry,” Charlie said. “I was just wondering, that’s all. No need to bite my head off about it.”

Dean nodded. “Right... Sorry...”

A few minutes later, Charlie spoke again, her voice strangely soft. “I think you’d be good together, for what it’s worth.”

“Uh, thanks,” Dean said, trying not to let any spark of emotion show on his face; trying not to let any confusion or wonder at her words show. “But he’s way out of my league anyway.”

“What?” Charlie looked genuinely shocked. “Why do you say that?”

Dean fixed her with a look. “He’s a Milton,” he said, as though this explained everything (and in fact, it mostly did). “He’s gorgeous and he’s rich and he’s half-Vulcan and he’s probably got to marry another Vulcan and keep with the tradition of his family or whatever. I’m just lucky to be considered his friend.” Dean paused. “Which is what we are anyway,” he added. “Friends.”

“Uh huh,” Charlie said, dragging the words out in a disbelieving tone.

Dean bit the inside of his cheek and looked away from her searching eyes. “So, uh, how’s things living with Anna, anyways? I keep forgetting you two share a room.”

Charlie dropped her curious gaze and gave a sheepish smile. “It’s good. She’s nice.”

Dean waggled his eyebrows suggestively. “I kinda got the impression you liked her. Anything you want to share?”

Charlie reached across the table and smacked him lightly. “We’re just friends. Besides... I kinda met someone else...” she trailed off, looking guilty.

“What?” Dean leaned forward in his seat. “Who? Do I know her?”

“She’s a second year cadet, so you probably don’t,” Charlie said. “Anna introduced us actually. You’d like her, I think. She’s kinda... a lot gorgeous. Her skin is flawlessly tanned and has these smokey curls and...”

“C’mon, I need names here!”

“You’re a shameless gossip, aren’t you?” Charlie tilted her head and grinned at him.

“Don’t judge me,” Dean said.

Charlie laughed outright at that. “Her name’s Gilda. She’s studying medicine too; that’s how she knows Anna.”

“How come I’m only hearing about this now?” Dean asked, looking genuinely distressed as though he’d missed his best friend’s birthday.

“Oh, you know, there was other stuff on...”

“That’s no excuse!”

“I guess I wanted to make sure it was serious before I told people,” Charlie admitted.

“Well good for you,” Dean said, meaning it. He smiled and gave a faux sniffle. “Look at my little girl, all grown up and dating people.”

Charlie hit him again.

Dean grinned. “So you coming to my baseball semi final match?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” Charlie said. “You dragging anyone else along to spectate?”

“Dragging?” Dean raised an eyebrow.

“Oh you know what I mean,” Charlie said with a wave of her hand.

“Sammy’ll be there and Jessica and Cas.”

“Of course.”

Ignoring her, Dean finished, “and Gabe said he might come along if he wasn’t busy.”

“Nice!” Charlie said.

~ *XX* ~

Dean bumped into Sam on the way back from Charlie’s. The taller man was hunched slightly due to the apparent weight of a very thick book in his arms. “Is that a book?”

“Hello to you too, Dean,” Sam said, not breaking his stride.

“But it’s mid-semester break. Why are you carrying a book?” Dean peered around his brother’s arm to read the title. “‘The Judicial Decisions of Judge Aaron Satie’? Light reading for the holidays, huh?”

“It’s required reading for all law students and it’s dead boring,” Sam said.

“You have required reading during the holidays?” Dean asked, raising an eyebrow in surprise.

“Technically, no. But I thought I’d get it early. I was talking to a second year cadet and we use it heaps next semester.”

Dean merely shrugged. Sam’s keenness to study was not new to him. “Woah, woah wait... I’m sorry?” Dean suddenly said. “Did I just hear Sam Winchester refer to a book as boring?”

“Yes, yes you did,” Sam said, not deterred one bit and Dean laughed out loud.

“Ah, I never thought I’d live to see the day,” he said, grinning.

“Yeah, well, enjoy,” Sam said grumpily. “With any luck it won’t happen again.”

Dean was still laughing, Sam by his side, when he looked up to see an older man standing in front of the dormitory building gate. He looked vaguely familiar and Dean squinted against the sun, trying to get a clearer view.

“That’s odd,” Dean said with a frown. “Classes don’t start until next week. I wonder what-” Dean trailed off mid-sentence because Sam had abruptly stopped walking.

“Sam?”

“No...” Sam’s voice came out as a whisper.

“What?” Dean swivelled, looking at Sam. His younger brother had gone white, the blood draining completely from his face as he stared past Dean at the man by the gate. “Sammy? What is it?”

Dean turned back around. At that moment, a cloud drifted in front of the sun and Dean didn’t need to squint against its brightness. His eyes locked onto those of the man in front of them. Even at the distance, he knew those eyes, just as he knew the face.

“Dad.”


	20. Chapter 20

_ Twenty   _

Dean was sure he had gone as pale as Sam. His legs certainly felt like they could no longer support his weight as John Winchester walked slowly towards them. All he could think was that this _couldn’t_ be happening. It had to be some sort of cruel prank played by Gabriel. John Winchester was gone; his father was gone. He’d been gone for nearly twenty years. It couldn’t be him.

He let out a heaving breath that he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. It took effort to take the next breath as though something had physically winded him. This couldn’t be real.

“Dad?” Sam’s voice was a mere whisper next to Dean. He turned to his brother, searching for some indication that this wasn’t all a hallucination. The younger Winchester’s face was still white and his forehead was wrinkled into a frown that told Dean Sam’s mind was rebelling against this as much as his was.

After what seemed like an age, John Winchester finally stopped in front of them. Dean could have reached out and touched him, or hugged him, or even punched him.

“Hey,” John Winchester said.

Sam and Dean just looked at him, unable to saying anything. Their father greeted them as though he’d been absent for only a few days, not years. Sam turned to Dean, eyes wide with emotion. Dean was sure he mirrored his younger brother’s look. They looked back at _their father_ as one.

“Hey,” Sam said, voice hoarse. “Um... Dad.”

Dean didn’t say anything. He thought maybe they should be embracing; all three of them, heads buried in chests, cries of delight and the wetness of tears. Isn’t that how reunions usually went?

“Hey Sammy,” John said softly and Sam made an unbidden sobbing sound. “And hey Dean.” He smiled. “Can we sit somewhere?”

“Okay,” Sam said.

Dean couldn’t get his throat to work. Surely this couldn’t be real. Surely it all had to be a dream, or some sort of sick joke. Those thoughts kept running around in his head, one after the other. It just... couldn’t be real. They sat down together on a nearby bench, Dean on one side of his father, Sam on the other. Dean was grateful for the suggestion; he wasn’t sure his legs could have held out much longer. The afternoon sun had nearly disappeared, spreading splashes of colour across the sky. For a long moment the three Winchesters simply watched it.

“How are you here?” Dean finally whispered, feeling raw. “Why are you here?”

John gave a heavy sigh. “I’m back,” was all he said. A tiny spark of anger lit somewhere in Dean’s chest and all the questions he’d wanted to ask burst forth.

“Back from where?” he demanded. “And for how long? Are you going to..?”

“I’m not going to leave again,” John said. “I’m back for good this time. Well, not back in San Francisco. I’m headed back out to Lawrence after this. But I’ll be here.” He smiled hesitantly.

“What happened?” Dean asked, his voice bitter. “You just... left us. Why? Where did you go?”

John looked over at his eldest son. “I had to,” he said very softly. “Your mother had been killed and I needed answers. I had to...”

“No you didn’t,” Sam cut in, harsh. “You had _us_. You should have stayed.”

“You don’t understand, Sam,” John said and Sam snorted. “She was my everything. I had to find who was responsible and...” he broke off and rubbed a hand over his tired face.

“And did you?” Dean prompted, not sure if he wanted the answer. “Did you... ”

“I found him.”

“The rogue Romulan?”

“His name was Azazel,” John said, voice hollow.

“Was?” Sam said.

John nodded. “He’s gone.”

“You killed him?” Dean asked, his voice a mixture of shock and awe.

Again John nodded and then silence fell. The sound of sirens sounded somewhere in the distance. “He admitted everything,” John said. “He could still remember it too.”

“Did you find out why he..?”

“It was just coincidence in the end,” John said with a sad shake of his head. “She was at the wrong place at the wrong time. Azazel was just.... he was a maniac. He wanted to cause destruction. That was it. I think he would have done more, but I kept trailing him and hunting him and I never stopped until it was over.” John squared his jaw as a decade-worth of emotions boiled up inside him.

“But it’s over,” Dean said, reaching over and placing a hand on his father’s forearm. “Right, dad?”

“Yeah, yeah,” John muttered. He looked hard at Dean and then at Sam, his eyes watery. “I didn’t want to leave,” he said. “But I had to. I didn’t know then what I do now. I wanted to keep you safe. Both of you.” John smiled, looking at his sons, all the markings of a proud parent. “And look at you now, at the Academy. Studying like you always wanted to. We have so much to catch up on.”

“About ten years worth,” Sam said, his voice a myriad of emotion.

“Yeah, about that much,” John agreed, regretfully.

“How did you know where to find us?”

“I contacted Bobby,” John said. “I’ve known him since before you two were born. And, well, I knew you’d both probably be here, studying to become a captain and a world-famous lawyer. I asked Bobby and he told me where I’d best find you.”

“Engineer,” Dean said quietly. Sam looked between his brother and father, a look of apprehension on his face.

“Sorry, son?”

“I’m studying engineering,” Dean said louder and more firmly. “I’m going to become an engineer. Not a captain.”

“Engineering?”

“Yeah, dad,” Dean said, feeling six years old again. “I want to become an engineer.”

“I always thought-”

“That was your dream, not Dean’s,” Sam interrupted, looking annoyed. “And he’s worked hard to get here. You should be proud of him!”

“Sam!”

“No, he’s right,” John said. “And I am proud. I just wish-”

“Stop it,” Sam cut him off again. “You have no idea how hard it was for him to move on from your idea that he was going to be a captain.”

“Sam, shut up!”

“No, Dean,” Sam turned to his brother. “He needs to hear this. He can’t just turn up after twenty fucking years of abandonment and expect you to still be following the stupid dream he wanted for you. It’s sick. You moved on; you’re doing what you want.” Sam turned back to John. “You should respect that.”

John looked taken-aback, as though he’d still been expecting child-Sam to greet him after all those years. “Of course,” he said. “I’m proud no matter what you choose. You know that.” But the words sounded forced. “I... I ah... should get going anyway,” he glanced at the darked sky and then at a nearby lamp-post as though to reiterate his point. “I’ve got a late shuttle back to Lawrence to catch.”

“Ellen will want to see you,” Dean said.

John gave a weak chuckle as they stood up. “See me? She’ll want to punch me, that’s what!” Sam gave a snort at that.

“Yeah,” Dean agreed, somewhat regretfully.

“I’m not sure when I’ll see you next, but it’ll be shorter than last time,” John said. It was a poor attempt at a joke, but Dean felt himself smiling anyway. “You’ll be heading home for Christmas?”

“Semester ends mid-November,” Sam said, his voice flat. They stood awkwardly for a moment before John made a gruff noise and moved forward to hug them both together. The embrace didn’t last very long.

John nodded as he pulled away. “Good then, ah...  I’ll see you then, boys. My boys.”

He patted Dean on the shoulder and ruffled Sam’s hair, pulling away as though he’d received an electric shock when he caught sight of Sam’s face. “Right, see you.” John gave a wave and left. His large figure fell into darkness quickly. Dean shivered against the sudden cool breeze. Night had fallen sometime during the reunion and he hadn’t really noticed it.

“That just happened, right?” Sam asked.

“I think it did.”

Sam shook his head, like a dog coming out of water. “He shouldn’t have said those things about you becoming an engineer, though.”

Dean shrugged. “I’d expected it,” he said truthfully.

“It was still a dick move.”

“Maybe,” Dean said and Sam frowned at him. “C’mon, let’s get out of here.”

“Right.”

“But hey, thanks for... you know... saying what you did...” Dean said, as they began walking back to the dormitories.

“I meant it,” Sam said. He placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder and squeezed and Dean’s replying smile was a grateful one. “I don’t know if I can forgive him,” Sam added a moment later. He looked over at Dean, seeming suddenly much younger than his 23 years.

“I know,” Dean said softly.

“I mean, I get it,” Sam said. “He loved mum. He wanted revenge. It’s just...”

“He abandoned us,” Dean finished. “He had a good reason and he wanted to protect us, but he still abandoned us.”

“Exactly,” Sam said. “And I don’t know how to act.” He shook his head and Dean’s heart went out to him. Sam had been so young when John had left and Dean was really the only father he’d even known. “Should I be angry with him? Should I just pretend the last 20 years didn’t happen? Do I have a father now? I guess I do, but... How do I... I mean, I just... I don’t know, Dean.”

The helplessness in Sam’s voice made Dean’s chest ache. “I don’t know either, Sammy,” he said. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Sam said. “I’ll work it out, right?.”

“You will. We both will,” Dean assured him. “Together.” He jumped a tiny bit to sling an arm around Sam’s shoulders, the way he used to when they were younger (and Sam was shorter). The taller man laughed, leaning into his brother for a moment before lightly pushing him away.

“So do you think he means for us to play happy families now?” Sam asked. “All that stuff about Christmas.”

“I dunno,” Dean said.

“God, do Ellen and Jo even know he’s back?”

“She is going to knock him out,” said Dean, knowingly. Sam gave a huff.

They walked in silence for a few moments, each lost in their own thoughts. Dean felt more drained than he had after the survival task. Already he was thinking of his warm dorm room and the warm bed in which he could curl up alone in. They stopped when the footpath began to turn, leading away towards Sam’s dormitory.

“Did you want to come up for a while?” Sam asked. And Dean could tell what he meant. It was the ‘do you want to come up so we can keep discussing the return of our father after literally _20 years_!’ offer; the one that promised hugs and crying and declarations of love and support.

“Nah, I’m good,” Dean said, trying to sound casual and failing. “I... I’ve got...”

“I get it,” Sam rolled his eyes, but smiled fondly all the same. “No chick-flick moments.” 

Dean smiled guiltily, but was glad of the excuse. He loved his brother and would always be there for him, but he couldn’t just now. He knew that if he’d gone back to Sam’s, he wouldn’t have been able to keep it together. He couldn’t have Sam looking after him. It was meant to be the other way around. “Comm me though, okay?”

“Sure.”

“I can be here in less than five minutes if you need me.”

“I know.”

“I can, you know. I run very fast when I have to.”

“I know that too,” Sam said and Dean knew he was thinking about that night all those years ago when he had carried Sam from the burning wreckage of their home.

“Good,” Dean said, with a nod. Sam suddenly enveloped him in a hug and Dean had to fight hard to stop tears leaking from his eyes.

“Thank you,” Sam whispered and Dean had to push him away.

“Stop it,” he said thickly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“We’ll do coffee,” Sam agreed. “I found this cute coffee house in the city and I’ve been wanting to try it.”

“Cute?”

“You’ll love it,” Sam said. “Bring Cas, if you like. I was going to invite Jess, and Gabe will probably tag along too.”

“Sure,” Dean said, enjoying the promise of the distraction. “See you then.” He began to head off, turning back to throw a wave in Sam’s direction when he called him back.

“Hey, uhm... speaking of Jess... what do you think dad’ll think of her?”

Dean raised an eyebrow. “Why?” he asked, slyly.

Sam flushed. “We’re kinda dating.”

“What?” Dean said. “Oh, about time, Sammy!”

“I wanted you to know before tomorrow,” Sam mumbled, ducking his head.

“No really,” Dean insisted. “You two have practically been looking at each other with hearts in your eyes since the moment you met.”

“Shut up,” Sam said and blushed.

“Congrats,” Dean said, nudging his brother with his shoulder and grinning.

“Thanks,” Sam returned the smile.

 


	21. Chapter 21

_ Twenty-One _

Night had well and truly fallen by the time Dean returned to his dorm room. Castiel, however, was still awake and sitting on the edge of his bed. He was looking down at a PADD in his hands, but his eyes didn’t move. He was waiting.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said, looking up as the door opened.

“Hey,” Dean replied distractedly. “You, uh, didn’t have to wait up for me or anything.”

“I wanted to,” Castiel said easily. “I saw you and Sam with you father.”

“Oh, you did?”

“By mere chance I glimpsed you, Sam and an older man out of one of the hall windows. The stranger wasn’t anyone I recognised and I could tell by your rigid stance that you hadn’t been expecting this person. Logic dictated that it was your father.”

“Oh.”

“How did it go?” Castiel asked gently. “I am here to listen, if you so choose.”

“I...” Dean stopped and ran a hand through his hair. Castiel’s eyes followed the motion closely. “I don’t even know where to begin,” Dean said, collapsing onto his bed. “It’s been years. Decades. I’m not even sure how I feel anymore.”

“That is understandable,” Castiel said. “I should mention that however willing I am to listen, I don’t believe I am the most suitable person to give advice on such emotional things.”

Dean lifted his head and smiled at Castiel. “I appreciate it anyway, man.” He paused to sigh. “I just... I’d given him up for dead, you know. I’d come to terms with that. It took years, but I did... My father was dead. And now...”

“And now he’s not,” Castiel finished softly.

Dean hummed in accord. “What do I do, Cas?” Against his will, Dean’s voice broke. He hadn’t allowed himself to show much emotion in front of Sam; he had to be strong for his brother. But he didn’t have to now. Not in front of Castiel; not in front of the man who had known about his nightmares only days after meeting him. A tear leaked unbidden and tracked a path down his face. He brushed it away.

Castiel didn’t reply immediately. Sitting down on the bed, he gazed down at Dean. “You are lucky,” he said. “If I had the chance to get my mother back...”

Dean sat up so quickly his head swam. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to bring that up.”

“Don’t be,” Castiel shook his head. “I didn’t mean to overshadow your pain. I just meant that you are lucky to have this opportunity. You get to reconnect with your father. That doesn’t happen often.”

“I know,” Dean admitted. He was unbelievably blessed to have his father back, he knew that. “I don’t mean to complain or anything.”

“It’s okay.” And Dean nodded.

For a moment they sat in silence. Dean reached out and placed his hand on Castiel’s knee. He gave it a squeeze. “Thanks,” he said, the single word conveying multiple emotions. “I’ve never really had anyone I can talk to about... this stuff.” He turned away as he felt himself reddening.

“Not Sam?”

“Nah,” Dean said. “I don’t want him to have to deal with my emotions anyway.”

A slight crease appeared between Castiel’s eyes for a fraction of a second before it smoothed again. “I don’t think Sam would mind,” he said.

Dean shrugged, unable to tell the half-Vulcan how he didn’t want to seem weak in front of his little brother. “Maybe,” he said eventually. Then, after a pause, he said, “I have a dad again. I just... I can’t believe it.” He shook his head.

“You do,” Castiel said. “And I know it must be strange, but you will work it out. You and Sam both.”

Another tear slipped down Dean’s face, but this time another hand wiped it away: Castiel’s. “Thanks,” Dean repeated, aware of how close they were sitting on the bed. He pulled his hand away from Castiel’s leg, though it was with some reluctance.

“You are welcome,” Castiel said, bowing his head. For a few seconds he studied the wetness on his fingers, as though he’d never seen a tear before. Briefly, Dean wondered if the half-Vulcan had ever even _cried_ before. He looked up into those bright blue eyes and tried to imagine them spilling over with tears. Somehow he couldn’t.

Dean cleared his throat and looked away, awkward in the intimate moment. “Anyway, I should head to bed.”

“I agree,” Castiel replied, standing up somewhat jerkily. “You are undoubtedly tired.”

“Try completely exhausted.”

Castiel gave a rare smile. “Luckily you are able to sleep in tomorrow then.”

Dean stood up and made his way to their bathroom. He needed a long hot shower to wash away some of the emotions he was feeling. “Yeah,” he replied distractedly. Castiel didn’t speak again, but Dean felt his eyes on him as he walked the short distance to the bathroom door.

~ *XX* ~

If anyone knew about the return of Sam and Dean’s father, they didn’t mention it out of respect for their privacy. John had returned during mid-semester break, rather than during classes. Because of this, there was hardly anyone around to know about it and Dean was eternally grateful for it. John had bought a comm somewhere on his trip back to Lawrence and messaged his sons with the number. Dean added the contact under ‘Dad’ and his heart clenched every time it displayed a message from him. There was a surreal feeling to it.

Dean’s semi-final baseball match against the New Logicians seemed like an anti-climax compared to the tumult of emotions caused by John Winchester’s return from the dead (because as far as Dean was concerned, it _was_ a return from the dead). And the concept of baseball matches, however important, seemed to diminish in light of this fact. 

Nevertheless, Dean turned up on the day and almost immediately Coach Mills was upon him. He was just pulling his three quarter sleeve Academy baseball shirt over his head when she appeared beside him.

“I know you’ve been through some stuff lately,” she began with a look of sympathy.

“How do you know that?” Dean asked hesitantly, thrown by her concern.

“I’m friendly with Bobby Singer,” she said, her tone implying something more than ‘friendly’. “He explained everything. You okay to play?”

Dean’s mind skipped happily past the idea of Coach Mills and Bobby together and went straight into Serious Baseball mode, for which Dean was very thankful. “I’m good,” he said. Mills gave him a final clap on the shoulder before moving on.

When Dean walked out onto the pitch a few minutes later, he could clearly hear the cheers and applauding from his friends. He gave them a quick wave before sitting down on the bench: his side was batting first. His leg began to bounce with nerves almost immediately and he was only half tuned in to what Coach Mills was saying in her pre-match instructions. Dean’s mind kept turning to his father. He’d thought of inviting John to the match, but delayed with mentioning it until it was too late. Perhaps it was because he still felt awkward around his father; after all he’d never had a father to invite to baseball matches until very recently. He kept wondering if John would be proud for his effort in baseball. Surely he would be. Perhaps he’d work up the courage and invite him to the final. If they made it. Coach Mills broke him out of his reverie with a final punctuating encouragement and moments later the game was starting.

As far as baseball matches went, it was intense. The all-Vulcan New Logicians team had been favourites to win the championship, however their pitcher had broken two of his fingers during a recent training session and they hadn’t healed completely yet. Despite this, it was a tough win for Dean’s team.

They hit three home runs, for a total of seven. Dean took a spectacular catch at shortstop, which had him sliding on his knees and reaching out to catch the ball in the tip of his glove. And when full time was called, Mills ran onto the field, tears streaming down her face. It was the first time her team had made it into a final and it was clear she couldn’t be happier.

Dean met up with Castiel after the match. “Where’s everyone else?” he asked, glancing behind the half-Vulcan.

“Charlie said she had to leave,” Castiel said, confusedly. “Then she looked at Sam and Jessica and they said they had to leave as well.”

“Ah,” Dean said, understanding immediately. “That matchmaking little minx,” he murmured.

“Pardon?”

“Nothing,” Dean said, smiling in spite of himself. “What’d you think of the match?”

“It was fascinating,” Castiel said in measured tones. “It was unlike anything I’ve seen before. Thank you, Dean.” He paused. “I didn’t realise Vulcans played.”

“They certainly do,” Dean said. “And well!”

“But you were better.”

Dean waved off Castiel’s formality as he so often did. “Cheers, man. We played pretty well; hopefully we can keep it up for the final. But hey, since the others bailed, did you want to come and grab some pie with me? I was going to buy a round for everyone.”

“You didn’t want to celebrate with your baseball teammates?”

“Nah,” Dean said. “I’ll celebrate with them after we win the final.”

“Seems reasonable,” Castiel replied and Dean grinned.

“Come on then!”

The bakery was small and filled with the mouth-watering scent of baking pastry. Situated on the edge of Golden Gate Park, it was a short walk from the baseball pitch. Dean gave a little moan of appreciation as they stepped through the door, the doorbell jingling cheerfully. “It took me a while to track this place down,” he said to Castiel. “It’s meant to have the best pie in the city and it was so worth the wait.”

“You haven’t eaten anything yet,” Castiel pointed out.

“But that smell!” Dean said, closing his eyes and inhaling theatrically. Even with his eyes closed, he could sense Castiel’s refrained eye-roll. Grinning, Dean headed over to a corner booth and stretched out on one side as Castiel sat rigidly on the other. A waitress who was way too thin to be working in a bakery appeared beside them. Dean immediately ordered a pecan pie.

“And what’ll you have, honey?” she turned to Castiel, who shifted awkwardly.

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “What would you recommend?”

“Our strawberry rhubarb is the best in the city,” the girl smiled. “And our apple is always really popular.”

“Uh...”

“A slice of both,” Dean said, grinning. “We can share,” he added to Castiel.

“Okay.”

“No worries,” the waitress made a note in her book and smiled at the pair of them. “They’ll be with you in just a mo’.”

“Thanks.”

“I’m afraid my knowledge of pies isn’t great,” Castiel said when the girl had disappeared.

“Don’t sweat it,” Dean said, unfazed. “I already knew that. Besides, this way we get to try a bunch of flavours. You can work out which ones you like best for next time.”

“Next time?”

Dean gave him a look that said ‘are you serious?’ “There’s definitely going to be a next time.”

“Oh.” Castiel sounded surprised. “That would be nice.”

They sat in companionable silence until the food was brought out to them. “Enjoy,” the waitress said, leaving with a wink.

“It looks delicious,” Castiel murmured, staring down at the wedge of pie and dollop of thick cream on the side.

“It does,” Dean said. “I definitely know how to pick a place, don’t I?”

Castiel’s lips quirked upwards. Pulling the apple pie towards him, the half-Vulcan delicately picked up a fork and brought a piece up to his mouth. His eyes met Dean’s. “Are you just going to watch me?” he asked.

“I... uh...” Dean blushed lightly. “I just want to make sure you enjoy it first.”

“That’s kind of you,” Castiel said. Dean gave him an expectant looked and he complied.

Castiel’s eyes widened ever-so-slightly. “It’s amazing,” he said, mumbling with his mouth full.

Dean smiled as wide as ever, the corners of his eyes creasing. “Excellent.”

The pie disappeared quickly after that, and Dean ordered them a slice of blueberry to follow along with drinks. It was the most contented he had felt in a long time, especially after his father’s return. And judging by Castiel’s animated expressions, the usually stoic man was enjoying himself too.

~ *XX* ~

It wasn’t until later that Dean realised it. After they’d returned to their dorm room and after they’d retired for the night, Dean found himself lying in the dark reliving his enjoyable afternoon. His mind vividly recalled the way Castiel’s tongue darted out to collect the small pasty crumbs that caught on his lips and the way the half-Vulcan’s face had lit up. It was at that moment, in the dark room, that Dean was shook with a sudden realisation. It was as if something he’d been fighting had just retreated. All the smiles and the brief touches that sent shivers up his spine; all the times they’d spoken in unison; all the times they’d teased each other; all the times it had been Dean to get Castiel out from his Vulcan shell. And everything had somehow come together over pie.

 _He was in love with Castiel_. Charlie had been right.

“Fuck,” Dean whispered and the word was eaten up by the darkness.


	22. Chapter 22

_Twenty-Two_    

It was like someone had suddenly turned on a light in Dean’s mind; like a fog he hadn’t realised was even there had cleared. Everything began to make sense, like why Dean hadn't had another relationship since starting at the Academy; like why he enjoyed Castiel’s company so much. And suddenly Dean began to notice every little thing about the half-Vulcan. He’d notice when there was a hair out of place on Castiel’s perfect head; he’d notice the way the tips of his pointed ears would blush green at times. And most frustratingly, Dean would notice the smoothness of Castiel’s skin when he emerged half-naked and frustratingly damp from the shower pod.

Two days after Dean’s realisation, his mind began playing out scenarios in which Castiel liked him too and would show some uncharacteristic emotion and admit this to Dean, who would kiss him in reply. It very quickly began to drive him crazy, especially with lessons and classes beginning again in the new semester. It was probably a good thing that the cadets had completely moved into specialised subjects. With Dean taking engineering units and Castiel having archaeology or anthropology, they hardly saw each other during the day apart from meal breaks. Dean had a feeling he wouldn’t have been able to concentrate on his calculations if Castiel had been working with him.

But apart from Dean’s new discoveries where Castiel was concerned, Academy life was much the same. He and Benny spent a couple of evenings a week working together in the library, occasionally joined by other cadets also studying engineering. And in the rare event that Dean ran into Dick Roman, they would simply share a curt nod before moving on.

“I can’t believe that guy has changed,” Benny said after one such event. They were sitting at a corner table in the library, engineering textbooks and PADDs surrounding them. 

“You and me both,” Dean replied, glancing back at Dick’s retreating form before looking back at his friend.

Benny hummed deeply and leaned forward across the table. “I’m not buying it.”

“You think he’s playing us or something? He saved my life, remember.”

“It’s an elaborate plan,” Benny admitted.

“I dunno,” Dean said. “He seems alright now.”

“I suppose he hasn’t bashed any of us up recently.”

“Exactly,” Dean said, with a grin. Benny snorted.

“Well if he ever goes back to being a douche, don’t come crying to me.”

Dean looked around at Dick again, who met his eyes steadily for a moment before rolling them in an almost familiar way. “I don’t think he will,” Dean said, smiling despite himself before returning to his study.

Charlie finally found time to introduce Gilda to Dean and Sam. She was just as attractive as Charlie had described and any wariness Dean felt evaporated the moment Gilda mentioned she owned a classic Ford Mustang. The pair talked cars until Charlie and Sam were practically begging them to stop. It became common for a large group of them, Gilda included, to meet on Sunday afternoon for a few drinks, just like they used to do in McLaughlin’s Bar. As their workload increased, many of them came to rely on the weekly breaks from intense study.

~ *XX* ~

Two months into the new semester, Dean returned from the library after a particularly frustrating study session. Neither he nor Benny had been able to successfully work out the engineering calculations they had been set and after three straight hours they called it quits, with the promise to look at it afresh the next day. Right now, Dean was looking forward to relaxing for the rest of the afternoon in his room. Maybe Castiel would be free to watch a movie with him. The thought made him smile hopefully to himself.

Dean punched the code to the dorm door without looking and sighed impatiently as it took a moment to decide if it was going to let him in. He was sure the door was getting worse and quite possibly, Dean needed to think of a backup plan in case it locked him out one day. Eventually it did slide open, the whoosh sound a few decibels lower than usual.

“Hey Cas,” Dean said reflexively as he entered the room. “How’s-” Dean stopped in his tracks. Castiel was not alone. “Oh!”

The half-Vulcan was sitting on the edge of his bed, a green flush tinging the tips of his ears and the back of his neck. Beside him - very close beside him - was a rather pretty woman. It took a moment for Dean to realise where he had seen her from and then it hit him. She was the one who had enthusiastically hugged Castiel at the end of the survival week. Meg.

Meg had apparently not heard the door open or Dean’s greeting, or was choosing to ignore it. Because she continued to lean towards Castiel, one small hand resting just above his knee, the other reaching up towards his face. Their lips were only inches apart and Dean wasn’t an idiot; he knew where this was heading. He suddenly felt like he’d been hollowed out. The entire situation seemed to be happening in slow motion for Dean, like he was stuck watching something horrific and he was helpless to prevent it.

After what seemed an age, Castiel seemed to realise they weren’t alone and he turned to Dean, eyes wide. For a long moment they held each other’s gaze. Meg finally glanced up to acknowledge Dean and gave him an impish smile.

“Dean! I-”

“Sorry, I’ve... I’ve got to go,” Dean said abruptly, turning on the spot. He couldn’t bear to meet Castiel’s eyes any longer, devastating dots of blue amongst his blushing green face, nor could he bear to look at the triumphant smile on Meg’s face. “Didn’t mean to interrupt... I’ll just... sorry...”

Dean practically bolted from the room, trying to block out Castiel calling his name and the hush of a woman’s voice, which could only be Meg telling the half-Vulcan to forget him. Pulling out his comm as he made his way along the corridor at speed, Dean tapped out a message to Charlie.   

**_Can u meet me at student guild bar? 10 mins?_ **

Dean got a reply almost instantly.

**_I can b there in 5!_ **

Charlie was sitting in a private corner booth when Dean arrived. She’d already ordered him a drink and Dean felt a stab of affection for her. He sat down heavily and mumbled a greeting.

“What’s up?” Charlie said, concern all over her pale face.

“I lied,” Dean said bluntly.

“What?”

“The other week. When you asked about Cas and me? I lied.”

“Oh...”

Dean took a deep breath. “I like him, Charlie. Maybe more than _like,_ you know _._ ”

“Oh Dean...”

“And I think that part of him likes me too. I dunno... it’s so hard to tell.” He paused and took a long drink, for lack of something to say. He didn’t know how to put it into words for Charlie. The connection he felt with Castiel was too hard to explain. All the times Dean and Castiel would share a smile; that private little grin they’d share when Gabriel or Sam said something stupid. Those times when, without knowing why, Dean would look over and Castiel would be looking back at him; when they’d say something at the same time, because they’d both been thinking the same thing. They had to mean something, those moments. They just had to. Some part of Dean didn’t even want to live in a world where they meant nothing. “It’s infuriating,” Dean continued. “I hate that he’s always on my mind... that all I seem to think about is Cas and if he’s is thinking about me too; if all his Vulcan mixed signalling means something? I hate it and I hate myself for letting it happen.”

Charlie reached across the table and squeezed his hand. “Have you tried asking him?”

Dean shook his head. “I thought about... but I just walked in on him with Meg. That girl from his survival training group.”

“Oh.”

“What do I do, Charlie?” He looked up at her, knowing how pathetic and desperate he must look.

“Leave? Steal a spaceship and run away to the other side of the universe?”

“Well that’s a bit extreme,” Dean said, surprised.

“In space no one can hear you whine like a love-sick teenager?”

That startled a laugh out of Dean. “ _Alien_?” His face creased into a mock unamused look. “You’ve been wanting to say that ever since I walked in here, haven’t you?”

Charlie grinned sheepishly. “Can you blame me?” Dean shrugged and Charlie’s smile faded. “Oh, I’m sorry Dean. You know I am.”

“Yeah,” Dean said. “I just thought we had something, you know.”

“Maybe you just need to see other people? There’s always that Andorian from the Orientation party. I’ve seen him around a few times. Or Lisa? I bet she wouldn’t say no to you.”

“Maybe,” said Dean, though his face didn’t look so sure. “I think it’s one of those easier-said-than-done things.”

Charlie took a sip of her drink. “I wish I could help,” she said.

“You’re here,” Dean said. “That’s all the help I could ever wish for. I’ll get over it.” The words were horridly false and the smile he gave was even worse. But Charlie didn’t argue. Instead she smiled and agreed with him. “So, uh, how’s things with Gilda anyways?” Dean asked a few moments later.

“You won’t hate me for flaunting my happy relationship?” Charlie asked, biting her lip.

“I’m a big boy,” Dean said. “I can handle it. Besides, you happy means me happy.”

Charlie smiled. “We’re good. She’s coming to visit me at my grandparent’s place in Montreal over the break. She’s never been to Canada before.”

“Smart chick.”

“Hey!” Charlie protested and the look on her face made Dean grin in spite of himself. “So how’s things with your dad? Have you heard from him?”

The grin on Dean’s face faltered, but only a little. “Yeah,” he said, pausing and taking a gulp of his drink. “He’s phoned a few times just to check up.”

Dean thought back to the last video comm call with his father. John appeared happier and more at ease back in Lawrence. He was staying at the Roadhouse, which Ellen had allowed (after an apparent shouting match, Jo had revealed to Dean later). Each time they spoke, John would always end the call with a promise of seeing each other at Christmas. Dean knew it was because he still felt guilty about abandoning them and while it still stung, it always made Dean smile. And he knew Sam felt the same whenever he spoke with John.

“That’s good,” Charlie said.

“It is,” Dean said, smiling. It was nice to think about something other than Castiel, even if it was only for a moment.

“So did you want to come back to mine?” Charlie said. “I can promise more drinks and some homemade cookies my grandmother sent-”

“From Canada?”

“Yes,” Charlie said, defiantly.

“Ah. Well...”

“Shush! No cookies for you!”

Dean pouted.

“Oh fine. I’ve got cookies and a bunch of classic movies that you can pick from. Sound good?”

“Sounds perfect,” Dean said, smiling and feeling overwhelmingly loved. If there was one thing he was glad of, it was the fact that Charlie choose to sit next to him on the shuttle to the Academy.

“Awesomeness,” Charlie said. She leapt to her feet as Dean drained the last of his drink and then pulled him up. They left the bar with their arms locked companionably together.

Dean stayed the night at Charlie’s. Anna had the night shift at medical, so as long as Dean was up and gone by 7AM, he could sleep in her bed. He didn’t sleep, however, apart from a few hours just before dawn. All he could see, and all he could think about was Meg leaning in towards Castiel and Castiel’s wide blue eyes when he saw Dean.


	23. Chapter 23

_ Twenty-Three _

“You didn’t come home last night,” Castiel said softly.

Dean had returned to their dorm early the next morning and had been hoping to find it empty. The keypad lock on the door seem to take an age to open, but when it did Dean found himself face to face with Castiel who had apparently been pacing the room. At the half-Vulcan’s words, Dean felt his heart clench a little at Castiel calling their dorm room ‘home’.

“Yeah, had things to do,” Dean said, side-stepping Castiel and making for his bed. It was a pathetic excuse he knew. “So, did you have fun last night?”

“I did.”

“That’s good,” Dean said, his voice hollow. He kept his head down, not wanting to face the other man.

“Dean, I...” Castiel began. “Last night, with Meg...”

“I don’t want details, dude.”

“No. I mean, what you saw was nothing. That was just Meg being... Meg. We were together in the survival week. I believe she was under the impression I liked her. But I don’t. Not really,” Castiel said, as though he needed to explain this.

“Right,” Dean said, not meeting Castiel’s eyes and not daring to believe him.

“Dean...”

“Look, why would that matter to me?” Dean said, hating himself as the words forced themselves out. “I don’t care. It’s not as if I’m yours or anything.”

“Oh,” Castiel remained ram-rod straight, but his face slumped.

“Yeah... well, I gotta go,” Dean said. He suddenly had the greatest desire to leave. Maybe Castiel was telling the truth; after all he’d never had reason to lie to him before. But all Dean could see were Meg and Castiel leaning towards each other. A lump formed in his throat and he swallowed roughly around it.

“You just got back,” Castiel said. “I thought maybe we could-”

“Sorry man, I’ve just got to...” Dean made himself look up at Castiel and smile. “I promised Benny I’d meet him to study. Engineering assignment, you know.”

“I understand, Dean. But...”

“I’ll see you round then, yeah?” Dean said as he gathered up whatever was within his reach: a PADD and a dog-eared notebook, which may have once been Castiel’s. He left the room without hearing the half-Vulcan’s reply.

Dean did not meet up with Benny and did not head anywhere to study. He doubted he would have been able to concentrate. Instead, he found himself walking almost aimlessly into the old part of the city and when he passed an English-styled pub, he entered and headed straight for the bar.

“Shot of whiskey please.”

The old bartender poured the drink painfully slowly and Dean had knocked it back before the man had put the bottle down. “Another thanks,” he said. “Make it a double.” If the old man wasn’t used to someone ordering so much so directly, he hid it well and dutifully poured the second drink.

Half an hour and several more drinks later, Lisa Braeden approached Dean at the bar. “Dean?” she asked. “You okay?”

Blinking in slow surprise, Dean looked up at her. Her eyes widened and Dean suspected he probably didn’t look his best. “I’m good,” he said, sounded so defeated that anyone would know he was lying through his teeth.

“I don’t really think so,” Lisa said. She hoisted her small frame up onto the barstool next to Dean. “What’s up?”

Dean cast his eyes over her and seemed to notice her for the first time. Lisa had always been there; she had been in the background of their prep group and sometimes at McLaughlin’s with her own group of friends and they’d sometimes see each other in the library or the courtyards and smile to each other.  She was very attractive, with her long brown hair and large brown eyes. Somewhere in the back of Dean’s mind he wondered why he hadn’t gotten to know her better; why he hadn’t made a move on her. Charlie had said Lisa was interested in him. Dean knew the answer to that, of course. Castiel had always taken up more of Dean’s time. He was the one in the forefront of Dean’s mind and perhaps Castiel was the reason why Dean hadn’t made a move on Lisa, or anyone else. He’d been going solo for the whole year, something he’d never done before, not since he lost his virginity, and it was because of Castiel.

A mixture of self-hatred and anger seemed to rise up in him. Lisa was looking at him curiously as he drained the last of his drink. He’d show Castiel. He’d show Castiel that he could be okay without him. “You wanna get out of here?” Dean asked Lisa.

She tilted her head in a movement that did _not_ remind Dean of certain a half-Vulcan. “Uh, where to?”

“Your place,” Dean said. “My roommate is probably home at mine.” He almost spat the word.

“Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

Dean waggled his eyebrows, but the effect seemed to have been lost in the amount of alcohol he’d been drinking because Lisa just gave him a strange look. “Yeah,” Dean said with a shrug. “You up for it?”

“Dean it’s barely past midday.”

“So?”

For a long moment Lisa said nothing. Then she turned to the bartender and with an apologetic smile asked for a glass of water. “Drink this,” she told Dean.

“Oh, you like it sober then,” Dean said, grinning. His head did feel fuzzy.

“I’m not going to sleep with you, Dean,” Lisa said, firmly.

“Oh…” Dean frowned. “Why not?”

“Because you’re upset about something and having drunk sex is not going to make it better,” she said. “Besides, I think you’d regret it.”

“I doubt it,” Dean said, sounding childishly defiant as his words slurred together.

Lisa sighed. “To be honest, if you’d asked me that two months ago, I would have said yes without even hesitating.”

“What’s changed then?”

 “You were in love with someone else,” Lisa said simply. “It was obvious. Anyone with eyes could see that your heart belonged to someone else. And I think that’s the reason why you’re trying to drink yourself to death now and why you’re suddenly hitting on me when you’ve hardly ever glanced at me before, despite my best efforts.”

A wave of guilt swept over Dean and he drank nearly the whole glass of water. Whatever he had expected her to say, it hadn’t been that. “I… well… I just… uh…”

“I understand,” Lisa said, with a crooked smile. “Trust me, I get the unrequited love thing.”

Dean shifted, feeling guiltier still. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

“It’s okay. I’m okay with it now,” she said, a touch of pride seeping into her tone. “I’ve even found someone else… but that’s not important now. We really should get you out of here. Can you stand?”

Dean swallowed the last mouthful of water and attempted to get up. He stumbled against the bar and Lisa took a strong hold on his arm. “I’m fine,” Dean said.

Lisa ignored this. “Come on. Is your dorm close?”

“No, not my dorm. I can’t go back there,” Dean said.

“Yes you can,” Lisa said.

“But my roommate…”

“He’ll forgive you.”

Dean grunted, but protested no further and allowed himself to be led back to his room, supported at times almost completely. Castiel was, thankfully, out when they returned to the room. It had taken Dean three goes to enter the correct code and Lisa had been worried it would freeze up and they’d be locked out. But the door had slid open on the last go and they had stumbled in and Dean collapsed onto his bed.

“You’ll be okay now?” Lisa asked.

“I’ve been worse,” Dean mumbled.

“I’ll leave the bathroom light on in case you need it,” Lisa said. “And lie on your side.”

“Yes, doctor,” Dean said and he snorted as though imagining some sort of role play.

Lisa rolled her eyes. “My number’s in your comm if you ever need me,” she said.

“Thanks,” Dean said.

“It’s no problem,” Lisa said. She paused before adding, “He likes you too. More than you know.”

“Who?”

“Castiel.”

Dean moaned in protest. “No he doesn’t. He was… He’s got someone else.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Lisa said. “It’s you he looks at with his heart in his eyes.”

Dean waved her off and curled into himself on the bed.

“One day you’ll see it,” Lisa said. She smiled before dimming the lights and leaving. Dean was asleep almost instantly and wouldn’t remember the conversation when he woke up.

~ *XX* ~

“What did you do to him?” Anna and Gabriel confronted Dean two days later.

“Hey guys,” Dean said weakly. He knew what was coming. “Haven’t seen you in a while. How’s it been?”

“Don’t change the subject,” Gabriel said.

“What?” Dean asked. He knew this would be about Castiel and he wondered if he should be bracing himself. He hadn’t seen the half-Vulcan since their last conversation and, in fact, the only person Dean had talked to since then had been Lisa. Thankfully, he’d remembered enough of his intoxication to properly thank her and apologise for being so crude. She had taken it all in her stride and Dean found himself genuinely hoping she found someone who deserved her.

“Castiel. Your roommate and supposed friend. What did you do to him?” Anna repeated, hands on her hips looking very much the mother figure. “He’s been quieter than usual for two days now and last night he turned up at my dorm room off-his-face drunk. And trust me, that’s an achievement for a Vulcan like him.”

“I... he was drunk?” Dean said, unable to contain his surprise. Somewhere in the back of his mind it occurred to Dean that _both_ he and Castiel had drunk heavily in the past few days.

“Very,” Anna said.

“He basically found a liquor store and drank it,” Gabriel said.

“He okay?”

Anna’s face softened. “He’s sleeping it off now and he should be fine.”

“We’re more interested in what happened for him to do that,” Gabriel said. “All we were able to work out was that you two had an argument. And apparently you ‘don’t care about him’.” Gabriel said, air-quoting.

“He said that?” Dean said, feeling like he’d been punched in the stomach. Anna and Gabriel just looked at him, waiting for an explanation. “Look, I... all I did was accidentally walk in on him with Meg. The two of them met on our survival week and got close. I didn’t really bother sticking around, you know. And I certainly didn’t bother coming back until the next day and then Cas acted like it was nothing and I told him I didn’t want details and then left.”

“You’re an idiot,” Anna said promptly.

“Seconded,” Gabriel added.

“What?”

“You got it wrong, Dean. Meg was obviously hitting on Castiel and Castiel wasn’t interested. Did our dear cousin not try and explain that to you?”

“Uh...” Dean’s stomach seemed to ball itself up into a tight knot. He remembered Castiel trying to talk to him, but all he could see was Meg leaning towards him. Dean shifted uncomfortably at the thought.

“You didn’t listen, did you,” Anna said.

“I..” Realisation dawned on him; Dean _was_ an idiot. A first class idiot. And probably a dickhead too. “So, Meg and Cas aren’t a thing are they?”

“No,” Anna and Gabriel said together. Dean felt his heart quicken and forced his mind not to go into over-drive with possible scenarios.

“You should give him a chance to explain,” Anna added. “And _listen._ ”

“It might go better than you think,” said Gabriel. “Trust us.”

It was at that moment, with Anna and Gabriel both looking at him expectantly that Dean suspected they both knew how he felt about their cousin. “Okay,” he said, swallowing thickly. “I will.”


	24. Chapter 24

_ Twenty-Four _

Dean leapt up from the bed when the dorm room opened and Castiel entered. The half-Vulcan looked the same as ever, despite his apparent intoxication. “Hey,” Dean said, talking a tentative step towards Castiel. “Uhm, how are you feeling?” Dean asked.

“Much better thank you,” Castiel said, stopped a few feet from Dean. “As it happens, I am much more adept at recovering from alcohol intoxication than anticipated. In fact I am already sober again.” He frowned. “You heard?”

“Gabriel said you found a liquor store and drank it.”

“He was not wrong,” Castiel said, a guilty smile quirking his lips slightly.

“Good to know you’re okay,” Dean said automatically. There was an awkward pause. “Listen, about the other night. I’m sorry I...”

“It is I who should apologise. I should have explained more clearly.”

“I didn’t give you a chance to,” Dean said. “Please, I’m willing to listen now.”

Castiel nodded, satisfied. “I am not interested in Meg Masters,” he said simply. “She became attached to me during our survival week together and incorrectly assumed the feeling was mutual. You walked in just before I got the chance to tell her I was not interested. That was why she was positioned so close to me. After you left, I told her I wasn’t interested and she left too. She was upset, understandably, but with time she will get over it. Dean... I am sorry I didn’t get a chance to explain that."

“No, I’m sorry,” Dean replied. “I jumped to the wrong conclusion and I shouldn’t have.”

“So are we good? I think that’s the correct phrase.”

Dean smiled fondly. “Yeah, we’re good.”

“Good,” Castiel replied. He leaned in and placed a hand on Dean’s shoulder, smiling. Dean turned his head so their lips were mere inches apart. He would only have to lean forward a tiny bit more to kiss him. It would be so easy to do. Swallowing, Dean smiled slightly. He could feel his face getting hot.

“Hey," he said, stupidly.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said.

An age seemed to pass. Dean licked his lips. But when he finally made up his mind to try his luck, Castiel pulled jerkily away, as though he just remembered it wasn’t common behaviour for two apparently platonic friends to stand so close together for so long. “Sorry,” he said. “I should go. I uh...” He trailed off uncharacteristically and took several steps away from Dean.

Blinking in shock at this sudden change, Dean stumbled slightly. “What? Wait, no,” he said.

Castiel turned back to him. “Dean?”

“I said no,” Dean repeated firmly. “Don’t go.”

“But Dean... I...”

But Dean cut him off, infuriation suddenly rising up in him. Anger at Castiel, but also at himself. Somewhere deep down he knew it was because they were both so similar; that they kept playing this stupid platonic friends game. Each of them running away from how they felt, using excuses that were becoming weaker and weaker.  “What is it with you and mixed signals? I can’t stand it ANYMORE! ” Dean shouted at Castiel, then turned away to run a hand through his hair. He was panting with the effort of finally expelling the thoughts and emotions that had been building for weeks; months now. “Do you know what you’re doing to me? It’s driving me fucking insane! And it’s like you don’t even care or you can’t see it!”

“Dean-”

But he ignored Castiel’s attempt to interrupt. “One moment you’re smiling at me and leaning into my space like I’m the only one in the world. And you’ll say odd things or just raise an eyebrow in response and it’s how you communicate sometimes. I get that. And I love it. I hate that I love it. But you know what’s worse? When you ignore me. It’s like you realise how close we’re becoming and you back the hell off and all I get is simple ‘Hello Dean’ and ‘See you Dean’ and that’s it! Are you overcompensating or something? Whatever it is, I can’t fucking stand your mood swings. Make up your mind already, because it’s killing me here.”

A flash of anger crossed the half-Vulcan’s face and for a moment Dean saw how powerful and dangerous Castiel could be: the way he was when he was beating up Alistair during their first week. “You are describing your own behaviour Dean,” Castiel said, his voice hard.

“Yours too,” Dean shot back; well aware he was sounding as petulant as a toddler.

Castiel looked like he was torn between bolting from the room and strangling Dean to within an inch of his life. But a kind of Vulcan training must have taken over somewhere, because a calmness washed over him and Castiel visibly relaxed. The only sign of his frustration remained in his eyes, which were cold and hard.

“I’m sorry,” Castiel said softly.

“You’re all I ever think about, Cas,” Dean said, lowering his voice and trying to match Castiel in temper. “My mind goes into fantasy overdrive or something, thinking about you and the things you say. Your eyes, your hair, that ridiculous trench coat you wear when we don’t have to wear our reds, that little head tilt you do when you’re confused or trying to work something out, your teeth for godsake!” Dean threw his hands up, infuriated with himself. “I actually found myself admiring the straightness of your teeth! I mean, Jesus fucking Christ!”

“Teeth?” The utterly bewildered tone with which Castiel said this, made Dean snort out a laugh despite himself.

“Ha, yeah. Teeth.”

“I had no idea the aesthetics of my teeth would cause you desire.”

“Well that makes two of us,” Dean said and he felt his heart rate slow a little at this segue they found themselves having. 

“I’m sorry, Dean,” Castiel said hesitantly, as though he was afraid Dean would cut him off and start yelling again. “I had no idea.”

And Dean’s heart sank. “I got that, yeah.” Already he could feel himself slipping back into the depression brought on by unrequited love. Castiel had no idea, of course he didn’t. His understanding of affection or any other emotion was limited. And even if he did understand it fully, he didn’t feel anything where Dean was concerned. “Sorry,” he heard himself say, though it already sounded miles away.

“No, Dean,” Castiel said and reached out to place a hand on the other man’s shoulder again. “I think you misunderstand.”

“Sorry?” Dean lifted his head.

“I... I think about you often too, Dean.” Castiel’s voice had dropped even lower, taking on a tone of shyness.

“You do?” Dean stuttered, and then swallowed thickly. The idea that Castiel had been thinking about Dean as Dean had been thinking about him was frustratingly arousing.

“I just had no idea you felt that way about me,” said Castiel. “I would have done something sooner if I had known.”

“Something?”

“I’m not my best with expressing emotions.” He continued and then added with a glint in his eyes, “In case you had not noticed.”

“I had,” Dean said simply, because he couldn't think up some sarcastic retort. His heart had begun to beat faster again as tension rose in him. Castiel was slowly moving closer to him and smiling and it took all of Dean's willpower to force himself not to hope.

"I have felt... strongly towards you for approximately six months, two weeks and seventeen hours,” Castiel said.

“Felt strongly?” Dean repeated, suddenly feeling like all the breath had been knocked out of his body and hoping against hope that those two little words meant what he thought they did.

“Felt very strongly,” Castiel said with a little nod of his head that seemed to affirm everything Dean was thinking.

“Am I blushing?” Dean asked, a smile tugging at his lips. And just as suddenly, Dean felt like he had been inflated with helium.

Castiel smiled in return and moved his hand down Dean’s arm until their fingers were touching in a Vulcan kiss.

“Oh!” Dean’s eyes widened in surprise as he stared at their joining fingers and then he looked back up at Castiel’s face, now understanding. Without waiting a moment longer, Dean leaned forward, and pressed his lips against Castiel’s.

“Dean!” Castiel squeaked in protest and leaned back.

Dean looked at Castiel with his impossibly green-tinged lips and wide, blue eyes. “Hey, fairs fair,” Dean said, softly. “We kiss your way and then we kiss my way. And I promise - my way is more fun,” he grinned, feeling every bit of pent up emotion leave him as Castiel began to smile before leaning back within reach of Dean. When their lips next met, Castiel was the first to deepen the kiss.


	25. Chapter 25

_ Twenty-Five _

The fact that Castiel Milton and Dean Winchester were now an item seemed to spread across the Academy like wildfire. It was like Dean was a teenager back in high school. Privately, he suspected the reason for this was that Gabriel had sent a mass comm message to everyone he knew. Luckily for Gabriel, however, Dean was happier than he could ever remember being. And yelling at a trickster like Gabriel was currently not high on his to-do list.

Even when Dean and Castiel returned to their dorm one evening to find the room filled with balloons, all Dean could do was laugh. He threw his head back and roared with laughter until he was breathless. Dozens of multi-coloured helium balloons hung from the ceiling with ribbons attached like it was some sort of parade.

“If this is a prank,” Dean gasped finally, leaning up against Castiel for support. “I am actually okay with it.”

Castiel reached out to pluck one of balloons closer to him. At the end of the ribbon, there was a note. “ _’Congrats on the sex’_ ,” Castiel read aloud. “ _’Love Gabriel’_.”

Still winded with laughter, Dean grinned. “You know, he’s kinda growing on me.”

“Should I be worried?” Castiel arched an eyebrow at him. Dean responded by kissing him firmly.

“We really don’t deserve these anyway,” Dean said a few moments later.

“Because we haven’t had sex yet,” said Castiel.

“Yeah,” Dean nodded.

Castiel seemed to be able to read his mind. “And you wish to remedy that?”

“What do you think?” Dean said, dropping his voice to a husky whisper. He pulled the half-Vulcan closer to him to press a kiss to the corner of his mouth and then began trailing kisses down his neck. Castiel made a pleased humming noise and tilted his head back.

“Dean... stop...”

Dean pulled back, looking concerned. “Not your thing?”

“Oh it definitely is,” Castiel smiled. “I just... I want to wait. Just until exams are over,” he added quickly at the look on Dean’s face. “I worry that I won’t be able to keep my hands to myself if we start now and... and I know I also need to concentrate on exams. We _both_ will need to. Especially if we want to do more than just pass our subjects. Is that okay?”

“It’s more than okay,” Dean said, pecking him lightly on the lips one last time. “Where did you want to draw the line? Holding hands? Kissing? Although, that’s kinda the same thing depending on your species...”

“Kissing is fine,” Castiel assured him, tangling their fingers together in what Dean was fairly certain was some kind of Vulcan pornography.

“That’s good,” Dean said, stroking the back of Castiel’s hand with his thumb. “Actually, I’m kinda glad you reminded me. These past couple of days have been just...” he paused to smile. “... amazing, like something out of a dream. A really good dream. But I haven’t done any work. I missed my usual meet with Benny yesterday and God, who knew it would be so easy to fall behind?”

“I knew,” Castiel said mildly.

“It was a rhetorical... oh never mind,” Dean shook his head fondly and embraced Castiel in a hug instead. “We’re still going to have to get rid of those balloons before we can study or anything else, aren’t we?”

“Yes.”

~ *XX* ~

Castiel was not wrong. In the days and weeks that followed, cadets could be found in varying stages of intense studying. It was also not uncommon for the students to break down under the stress of final exams and assignments. Dean witnessed not one, but two people rush out of the library where he and Benny were working, tears streaming down their faces. And admittedly, there were times that Dean felt like following them. Although they were still only first year, the engineering concepts were far more advanced than anything Dean had ever seen before.

“What? You thought starships were just going to be like that car of yours?” Benny said when Dean voiced this to him one day.

Dean shrugged and squinted against the weak late-Autumn sun. They were sitting outside on the Academy lawns, taking advantage of the nicer weather. It had been getting cooler as winter approached, but every now and again, the weather would remind them that it was still technically Autumn and reward them with a sunny day.

“I know starships are more complex, you idiot,” Dean said. “But for the last three days I’ve had all these warp drives, tractor beams, plating, shields, transporter and God knows what other concepts floating around in my head and it’s hard to make sense of it all.” He didn’t add that engineering occupied only a fraction of his thoughts, while Castiel seemed to take up a much larger portion.

“It’s like one big scramble of engineering terms and starship parts,” Benny said eagerly, as though relieved he wasn’t the only one thinking this.

“Exactly!”

A gruff voice behind them suddenly interrupted. “It gets easier when you are able to actually get onboard a ship and see it for yourself.”

Dean twisted around to see Bobby Singer standing over them. “Hey Bobby,” Dean said.

“Sir,” Benny added, with a nod of his head.

“Taking advantage of the sun, I see,” Bobby said shifting slightly in his Starfleet Commander’s uniform. Dean stood up to better converse with the older man and beside him, Benny did the same.

“We thought it would make the studying easier, sir,” Benny said.

“Wish I could get you boys a couple of bottle of beer to help with that too,” Bobby said. Then leaning forward he added, “Best not tell anyone I said that.”

Dean laughed. “Got it.”

“Just wanted to say that I’m glad you and Castiel finally got your idjit brains working and decided to do something about how you feel about each other.”

“Amen to that,” Benny muttered softly and Dean resisted to temptation to hit him.

“Thanks,” Dean said, flushing pink.

“You better be taking him home to meet the rest of your family,” Bobby continued. “Ellen will have my balls if I don’t convince you.”

“I really didn’t need that mental image, Bobby,” Dean said. “But I will ask him. I just...”

“John will be fine with it,” Bobby cut him off, as though reading all Dean’s misgivings on his face. “And if he’s not, he’ll have me to answer to.”

“Thanks,” Dean said again, feeling oddly touched.

Bobby nodded. “I hope to get out that way myself over the holiday season, so I might see you then. If not,” he gave a little wave, “Enjoy and best of luck with your exams. Both of you,” he nodded to Benny. “And it does get plenty easier, you’ll see.”

“I hope he’s right about that,” Benny said, flopping back down onto the grass.

“He’s rarely wrong about things,” Dean admitted, with a hopeful smile as he sat back down beside his friend.

“Good to know,” Benny nodded. “Also, I think Commander Singer makes it nearly ten people who have congratulated you and Cas on getting together. I should be making a tally.”

Dean groaned. “Were we really that obvious?”

“I think we established that when _Dick Roman_ himself said something,” Benny said, as he pulled a PADD toward himself to begin studying again.

“Good point,” Dean admitted, mimicking Benny’s move. But studying came harder to Dean, as he mind was filled with images of Castiel; Castiel relaxing in jeans and tee on the back deck of the Roadhouse. The thought made Dean smile.

~ *XX* ~

“I could _not_ concentrate on studying today!” Dean declared, as he entered his dorm room. “All I could think about was the curve of your... oh!” Dean had looked up, expecting to find Castiel alone. Instead, the half-Vulcan sat at their desk with Kevin Tran. PADDs and the scraps of paper were littered everywhere in a most un-Castiel-like manner. Dean suspected that was mostly due to Kevin.

Castiel looked up, a faint tinge of embarrassed green flushing his cheeks. “Hello Dean.”

“Hey Cas, and uh... hey Kevin.”

“Hey,” Kevin nodded, making no comment about Dean’s opening remarks.

“I do apologise for the mess,” Castiel said. “I was not expecting you back so soon. You know Kevin of course. He was just helping with my translation. He is most proficient at reading ancient texts.”

“That’s cool,” Dean said, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck with one hand as he threw his bag on his bed with the other. “I can head out again if you need to study.”

“We’re finished,” Kevin replied quickly. He glanced between Castiel and Dean with a look that was all too knowing and began collecting a number of PADDs and notes.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to uhm...” Dean trailed off, looking sheepish.

Kevin waved a hand. “Seriously man, it’s cool. We’ll meet up for study again on Friday, Cas?”

“Of course,” Castiel said, ducking his head. “Thank you.”

“No worries. I’ll catch you later.” Kevin headed to the door with surprising speed for someone laden with half a dozen PADDs. He turned at the last minute and gave Dean and Castiel a wink. “Enjoy your afternoon.”

The door whooshed shut and Dean let out a groan. “Why am I such an idiot?”

“I should have warned you I had company,” Castiel apologised. He stood and began straightening the remaining PADDs and paper on the desk.

“It’s not your fault,” Dean said, walking over to his boyfriend and gently turning him to face him. “I know everyone has exams and final assessments. And studying with friends helps. I should have realised.”

“You worry too much,” Castiel said, leaning back against the desk and pulling Dean back with him. He circled an arm around Dean’s waist, stroking the small of his back with a thumb. Dean hummed appreciatively and ducked his head to capture the half-Vulcan’s lips with his own. When they finally resurfaced for air, Castiel sighed deeply. “I needed that.”

“Me too,” Dean said, pressing another lighter kiss to Castiel’s mouth.

“Did I ever mention that you were right?” Castiel said and Dean tilted his head back to fix the other man with a confused look. “Your way of kissing is more fun.”

Dean grinned. “Told you.”

“I never doubted you,” Castiel admitted, a smile spreading across his own face. It was still odd to see the half-Vulcan show so much emotion, but every time he did it made Dean’s heart soar. He knew Castiel only showed that much emotion in front of him; that Castiel trusted him enough to show him that.

“I love it when you smile.”

“I like smiling,” replied Castiel, flushing the lightest of greens. “And well... you make me smile, Dean. I like smiling because of you.”

Dean had no choice but to try and kiss the smile off Castiel’s face at that point and a few more minutes were lost as they nipped and licked and sucked at each other’s lips. Eventually though, Dean sighed and stepped out of Castiel’s warmth, well aware of the fact he had exams to study for and an assignment due in two days.

“You know what sucks?” Dean said.

“What’s that?” Castiel said.

“The fact we got together right at exam time,” Dean bemoaned. “We hardly ever get to spend time together.”

Castiel gave a small, sad smile and stepped forward to press his forehead against Dean’s. “It won’t be long until we are finished for the year,” he said. “And then we will have all the time in the world. I promise.”

Dean took a deep breath, filling himself with Castiel’s scent. He didn’t mention that their holidays would be short lived and their second year at the Academy would come and bring with it more study and more exams and more time away from each other. He didn’t mention about what would happen if they made it through the Academy together and were ordered to different ships. He didn’t even want to think about it. Instead he turned his head and leaned into Castiel’s kiss once again, allowing himself one last moment of pleasure.


	26. Chapter 26

_ Twenty-Six _

Two weeks later Dean found himself in a corner booth of the Student Guild Bar, grinning so much it was starting to hurt.

“Here’s to finishing the first year of our Starfleet Engineering Degree,” Benny said formally, holding up a glass of beer for Dean. Smiling broadly, Dean raised his own glass and clinked it against Benny’s. There was a silent moment as they both took long drags, easily emptying a quarter of their glasses.  

“And to think there were moments I didn’t think we’d make it.”

“Pah!” Benny waved a hand. “Speak for yourself. And even so, I had every confidence in you.”

“Cheers,” Dean replied, still smiling.

They had left their final exam together, breathing in the crisp air which was now so much sweeter for their completion. Inevitably, they ended up at the Student Guild Bar with dozens of other students who had finished their exams. It was cramped and loud and every now and again Dean would get a whiff of stale sweat (that tell-tale sign that someone had been up all night studying and hadn’t had time for proper hygiene), but none of it mattered. Because they were _finished_. One year down, three to go.

“Anyone else we know finishing today?”

Dean hummed in thought. “I think the first year interspecies law exam is on later today,” he said. “Sam mentioned it a while back. So that’s Sam, Gabe, and Jess I think.”

“Excellent.” Benny said after another long drink. “So we all going to head out and celebrate? Keen?”

Dean thought about that and then thought about Castiel, who was undoubtedly back in their dorm room studying (or waiting to be distracted from studying, as Dean liked to call it). “For a while, yeah,” he said finally.

Benny rolled his eyes. “Ah, you just wanna get back to your room and your roommate, don’t you?”

“Can you blame me?” Dean asked, not even trying to deny it.

“Suppose I can’t,” Benny sighed.

“When we’re _all_ done for the year, I promise we can meet up and celebrate proper. I know for a fact Charlie won’t let me get out of it,” Dean said.

“I’m gonna hold you to that, Dean,” Benny said.

“I’m not leaving just yet, anyways,” Dean said, taking another gulp of his beer and tapping it lightly against Benny’s glass before placing it back on the table.

“Good,” Benny said, cracking a smile. “Because you’ve earned this. _We’ve_ earned this.”

Dean smiled back, a less ecstatic more genuine smile this time. “Did I ever mention how grateful I am for you?”

“You haven’t,” Benny said.

“Well I am,’ Dean said firmly. “ Thank you, man. I totally owe you for all the help-”

“Hey!” Benny cut him off. “You don’t owe me anything. You helped me just as much this past year.”

“Look how sentimental we’re getting now,” Dean shook his head.

“Shut up,” Benny said fondly.

Dean did so and took another long drink, feeling lighter and happier than ever.

It was mid-afternoon when Dean finally returned to the dorm rooms. “Guess what!” he said, entering his and Castiel’s room with a flourish. “I am officially finished for the year!”

Castiellooked up from his notes and smiled. “Congratulations.”

“Thanks,” Dean said, skipping over to the other man where he was seated at the desk. Pouting he said, “you’re not going to congratulate me any other way?”

“You’ve been drinking,” Castiel pointed out.

“It was only one beer,” Dean said truthfully. “I’m just really happy to be finished.”

Castiel stood with a groan, stretched and allowed Dean to gather him up. “I really do mean congratulations,” Castiel said, smiling.

“I know you do,” Dean replied. The two kissed deeply, Dean’s tongue running its way across Castiel’s teeth. Castiel shivered agreeably in the embrace and bit at Dean’s lips playfully. It escalated from there, with Dean pulling at Castiel’s hips to bring them together. The half-Vulcan gave a small hiss of surprise, which quickly turned into a heated groan. “Cas,” Dean breathed.

“Dean, I...” Castiel pressed a hand to Dean’s chest, pushing him gently away.

“Cas, what-”

Castiel looked like he wanted to explode. “I have an exam tomorrow, Dean,” he said. He looked away, taking a deep calming breath. “I can’t... Not right now.” He glanced back up at Dean and fixed him with a pleading look.

Dean took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes. “I get it,” he said. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have distracted you like that. I was just so happy to be finished and I... sorry.”

“Dean, I want to... but I just... ”

“I really do get it,” Dean said. “Go, study.”

Castiel smiled. “To be continued?”

“God yeah,” Dean said.

Castiel leaned forward and gave him a chaste kiss. “I’ll see you later, Dean.”

“See you,” Dean said and he left with a whoosh of the door, leaving Castiel to study without the distraction. Outside the room he paused and leant up against the closed door, breathing deeply. He could wait until tomorrow. They had waited this long; another twenty-four hours would be nothing. After a few more long breaths, Dean pushed away from the door and began walking back down the corridor. If he was lucky, maybe Benny would still be at the bar.

~ *XX* ~

The next day, Dean met Sam at a small chic cafe he didn’t even know existed. “Where do you find these places?” Dean asked, sitting down across from his brother, who was sipping coffee delicately from a comically small cup.

“You should try visiting other areas of this city, rather than just the bars,” Sam retorted.

“Hey! I visit the pubs too,” Dean said and Sam just bitchfaced at him. Dean waved him off. “Forget it. And hey, congratulations! You finished your first year of Starfleet Academy.”

Sam grinned at him. “Thanks man. You too! How does it feel?”

“Awesome,” Dean said.

“It kinda does.”

“Though celebrating with coffee is pretty lame, even for you,” Dean said. “You should have joined Benny and me and the bar last night.”

To Dean’s surprise (and delight) Sam blushed. “Jess and I went out ourselves,” he mumbled. “And hey, this coffee delicious!” he added in protest before Dean could comment. “I’ll, uh... get you one.”

Dean just nodded and allowed Sam to jump up and order the drink without comment or teasing. Secretly, Dean was happy for this little brother and besides, there would be many opportunities in the future for some good old-fashioned older brother teasing.

Five minutes later Dean took a sip of the hot frothy drink that had been placed in front of him by the elderly waiter. “Huh. That’s actually pretty good.”

Sam smiled smugly. “Told you.”

Dean just rolled his eyes. “So, you still bringing Jess with you back to Lawrence for the break?”

“Yeah,” Sam said with a dreamy smile. “Introduce her to everyone. Do you think Dad’ll like her?” He actually looked nervous.

“Oh please!” Dean said. “We’ve had this conversation before, bro. She’s blonde and gorgeous and she can kick your ass in hand-to-hand combat: Dad will love her!”

Sam smiled and gave a huff of laughter. “Yeah, fair point. Sorry, I’m just a bit...” he gave a wave of his hand to convey some emotion. “You know... Anyway, you gonna bring Cas?”

“I was thinking about it,” Dean said, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “I dunno... I haven’t exactly told anyone back home about us.”

“I don’t think you needed to,” Sam told him, with a huff of laughter. “Ellen, Jo and Ash aren’t idiots. You hardly stopped waxing lyrical about the guy last time we were there.”

“Ah, I should have known. Well, I haven’t told Dad then,” Dean amended. “I haven’t even told him I, uh, bat for both teams as it were. It never really came up, you know...”

“Well he wasn’t exactly the most dependable and consistent force in our lives,” Sam pointed out.

“Fair point, well made,” Dean said.

“You don’t have to worry about it though,” Sam said. “Dad’s gonna be happy for you. He _should_ be happy for you. I know I am.” He gave Dean a smile.

“Thanks,” Dean toasted him with his coffee cup before taking another sip.

“How’s it going with you two anyways? You and Cas.”

A wide smile broke across Dean’s face almost involuntarily. “It’s great.”

“I’m glad,” Sam said. “You deserve it. Actually I’m surprised you’re not with him now. You two are practically joined at the hip.”

“His final exam isn’t until later this afternoon,” Dean said with a heavy sigh. “I’ve been banned from distracting him from his study.” Sam pulled a face. “Actually,” Dean continued. “I’ve been meaning to ask you something.”

“Yeah?”

“What do you know about Vulcan biology?”

“Not much,” Sam said. “Just the general information we were taught in...” He broke off, as realisation dawned on him. “Aw, dude! Ew! Don’t ask me questions like that.”

Dean gave him a shit-eating grin. “Couldn’t resist.”

Sam flipped him off. “I swear if you two get up to anything back home...”

“Does the Impala count as ‘home’?”

“Dean! No! Besides, there’s no way the Impala is big enough to fit two grown men inside for...” a look of horror crossed his face. “And now I’m going to spend the rest of eternity trying to scrub that image from my mind.”

“Castiel is quite bendy,” Dean said mildly, taking an innocent sip of coffee.

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

“Jerk.”

“Bitch.”

And despite their conversation, Sam couldn’t help but grin at that. Dean grinned back, but feeling guilty he mouthed ‘sorry’ at his brother across the table. Sam rolled his eyes.

A shadow fell across their table. “What’s up, bitches!”

“Charlie!” Sam and Dean said in unison, grinning up at her.

“Guess who’s just finished her first year at Starfleet Academy?” Charlie said, smiling back at them.

“Congratulations,” Sam said.

“You too,” Charlie said.

“Want to join us?” Dean asked. “I know it’s kinda douche-y, being a coffee house and all, but it ain’t half bad.”

“Oh you love it,” Sam said. To Charlie he added, “Join us, please.”

“I’d love to,” Charlie began. “But I’m meeting Gilda. She’s taking me out for lunch.” She turned a delicate shade of pink.

“That sounds lovely Charlie,” Sam said.

“Enjoy,” Dean said with a nod.

“Thanks guys.” She gave a little salute before walking on, an obvious spring in her step.

Sam watched her go before looking back at Dean, eyebrows raised.

“What?”

“Douche-y?”

“My cup came out with a little paper snowflake thing, Sammy!”

“It’s called a doily.”

Dean snorted. “You’re not making a strong case here.”

“Whatever man. You... want another coffee?” Sam offered.

There was a pregnant pause. “They _are_ delicious.”

“Told you,” Sam said, rising from his seat.

“Ooh, see if they have any pie,” Dean added.

“Dean...” Sam gave an exasperated sigh.

“I love me some pie.”

“Tell me something I don’t know,” Sam said.

“I’ll share,” Dean said and pulled a face that made his brother laugh.

“Okay,” Sam said still chuckling. “Pie it is.” He went to place their order. And Dean leaned back in the wicker chair and enjoyed the sun and the freedom.


	27. Chapter 27

_ Twenty-Seven _

_To cut a long story short, the tribbles were transported to the Klingon vessel, where there would be no_ tribble _at all._

Dean was stifling a laugh at that when the door opened and Castiel entered. Dean looked up from the PADD of Scotty’s autobiography. Benny had leant it to him after Dean had admitted not knowing of Montgomery Scott or of his exploits on the USS Enterprise. Dean was certainly enjoying it so far. He had been keen to re-read his Vonnegut collection, but Benny had insisted.

“Hey you,” Dean smiled, sliding around on the bed so his legs dangled off the edge.

“Dean,” Castiel greeted. He placed his bag on his own bed as the door closed again and walked around to where Dean was sitting.

“How was your final exam?” Dean asked, but that was as far as he got. Castiel bent down and grasped the side of Dean’s face before kissing him hard. “Woah there, tiger,” Dean said, after they’d surfaced for air. He grinned, resting his forehead against Castiel’s.

“I’ve wanted this for a long time,” Castiel said, his voice desperate. “I’m sorry I couldn’t. Exams are important to me and...” he trailed off as Dean shifted on the bed, widening his legs and leaning back slightly. “I... exams... It’s important that I pass. My father would...”

“Stop, Cas,” Dean interrupted. Castiel fell gently onto him and Dean collapsed back onto the bed, laughing. The PADD of Scotty’s autobiography fell from his hands and landed out of sight. Dean’s mouth found Castiel’s again and for a few moments nothing else in the world mattered. Castiel’s lips were a little chapped, but soft and eager on his.

“You know, you’re gonna have to get off me soon,” Dean said breathily and Castiel pulled back with a frown.

“Why?”

“’Cause I kinda wanna take my clothes off,” Dean said.

“Of course,” Castiel said and he lifted himself effortlessly off Dean’s chest. This left him sitting, legs spread over Dean’s groin. “Is this better?” he asked, shifting slightly.

Dean’s breath caught in his throat at the pressure. “You’re a lot more of a tease than I imagined,” he finally said.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes,” Dean said, but he sat up and displaced Castiel all the same. The half-Vulcan gave an unimpressed look, which faded to something softer when Dean pulled off his shirt, followed by his jeans. Castiel, who was still in his Academy reds from the exam, had more difficultly removing his clothes. Dean grinned for a moment, before standing up and helping. _Helping_ led to more kissing and the fact Castiel was still fully clothed for forgotten about for a few long moments.

“Dean,” Castiel protested weakly, lips grazing the corner of Dean’s mouth. “I need to get my clothes off.”

With a pout, Dean stepped back and allowed Castiel to strip off the red garments, leaving him only in his underwear. Then, with an urgent tug on his hand, Dean drew him back down to the bed so they were lying side by side; legs tangling together.

“I’ve never done this before,” Castiel suddenly said, flushing green.

“Had sex?” Dean asked. “Been with a guy?”

“Vulcan’s have a different way of doing things,” Castiel said, which didn’t exactly answer Dean’s questions. 

“You’re half human too,” Dean reminded him softly, pressing a hand over Castiel’s chest; over his heart. “That’s got to mean something. And hey, from what I’ve seen so far, you certainly seem to know what you’re doing.” He smiled and Castiel gave a faint smile back.

“You’re enjoying this?” Castiel said.

Dean glanced down at the obvious bulge barely held back by the thin elastic of his underwear and then back up at Castiel. “What do you think?” he asked.

Castiel gave a deep chuckle. “Stupid question?”

“Yeah dude,” Dean said, running his hand almost absentmindedly down Castiel’s body, from his sharp collarbone down to the few coarse tufts of hair below his bellybutton. Castiel gave a soft, urgent moan and Dean smiled. “Just tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable, okay?”

“This is quite pleasurea... uh,” Castiel broke off with a short desperate noise as Dean tweaked one of his nipples. Apparently unable to stand the already scant distance between them, Castiel shifted even closer to the other man on the bed, drawing one pale leg up between Dean’s thighs as he did. “Okay, yes. I will tell you if I am uncomfortable. The same applies for you.”

“Deal,” Dean said and he brought Castiel’s mouth to his again. A few more moments - or quite possibly hours - were taken up with the task of exploring each other’s mouths as thoroughly as possible. And then when Castiel finally pulled his mouth away from Dean’s it was to begin trailing wet kisses down his neck. “Dammit Cas,” Dean growled as the half-Vulcan nipped and sucked at his neck.

Involuntarily it seemed, Dean widened his legs and pressed his arousal into the top of Castiel’s thigh, but Castiel paused only slightly in his ministrations. Not that Dean was complaining, of course, he was simply more interested in removing the last piece of Castiel’s clothing _as soon as possible_. With that goal in mind, Dean snaked a hand down Castiel’s body and gave him a quick and efficient squeeze through his underwear.

Castiel gave a short cry of unexpected pleasure and bit into Dean’s shoulder. Grinning, Dean gave Castiel several more light strokes, watching with satisfaction as the half-Vulcan’s eyelids fluttered.

“Pants,” Dean said, huskily. He moved his hand around to clutch at Castiel’s buttocks in an experimental sort of way.

“A...agreed,” Castiel said, knowing exactly what Dean meant. They pushed away for a moment and Dean quickly slide out of the underwear and tossed them aside. His freed cock twitched in the cooler air. He looked at Castiel, just as he threw his own underwear to the side. There was a long pause as Dean looked down at Castiel’s naked groin.

“Uh... it’s green,” Dean said awkwardly.

Castiel looked faintly amused. “Well, my blood is green. I’m half-Vulcan remember, and I share some of the same biology. You do know the basic physiology of an erection don’t you, Dean? Blood-”

“Yeah, yeah, I got it,” Dean said, feeling that if he allowed Castiel to continue, the mood would well and truly be killed.

“Is it okay?” Castiel asked, nervously glancing down.

“It’s perfect, Cas,” Dean reassured him. “I just... fuck.” The last word he muttered as a curse, not a cry of pleasure.

“What?”

“I didn’t think,” Dean said, shaking his head. “Are we okay to do this? I mean... you’re not exactly human. We’re not going to give each other diseases or anything?”

Looking amused again, Castiel said, “Dean, my mother was a Vulcan and my father was a human. As you can see, I am completely fine. As for diseases, I am free. If you are too, I am willing to proceed. I know medical is able to provide any services we need if anything goes amiss.”

“Oh,” Dean looked a little embarrassed. “I knew that. And yeah, I’m clean too.”

“So we may continue?”

“You don’t need to be so formal, man,” Dean said, smiling. “Just go for it.”

And that was all the invitation Castiel needed.

~ *XX* ~

Many hours later, when the sun had gone down and the only light was the faint glow of the city lights from the window, Dean twisted over in the bed to look at Castiel.

“We missed dinner,” he said.

“I find myself not caring too much about that,” Castiel said.

“It was worth it,” Dean agreed.

“If you are hungry, I’m sure if you searched long enough you would find some of the candy that Gabriel pranked our room with.”

Dean laughed. “I’m not sure I’m hungry enough for months old candy that’s been under my bed. Besides, I’m too comfortable here right now.”

Castiel hummed in agreement and the moment stretched out into a contented silence.

“I didn’t think I could have this,” Castiel said, much later.

“Neither did I,” Dean replied, truthfully. “I mean, you’re way out of my league for starters.”

“You really think that?” Castiel said, propping up on one elbow to look at Dean intently.

“Well, I...” Dean squirmed. “You’re a Milton. I’m just a poor kid from Lawrence.”

Castiel frowned. “Does that matter to you?”

“I dunno,” Dean said after a short pause. “It just seems like we’re from different worlds. You are a Vulcan, after all.”

“Half-Vulcan,” Castiel corrected. He shifted closer to Dean and brought a hand up to caress his cheek. “And I do believe I am very much in your world right now.”

Dean leaned into the touch, pressing his lips to the soft skin of Castiel’s wrist. “You are,” he said.

“For what it’s worth, I do not believe I am out of your league.”

Dean gave a tiny snort, but didn’t argue further. He continued to press kisses up the inside of Castiel’s forearm for a moment, teasing the pulse point on his wrist with his tongue until Castiel moaned. The half-Vulcan shifted again, gently forcing Dean’s head up to kiss him. More time was lost in several long, languid kisses.

“Hey, I was thinking,” Dean began, his lips moving against Castiel’s skin. “Since you’re not all too good with the, uh, family Vulcan stuff-”

“If you mean my family does not approve of my life choices.”

“I was trying to phrase it better,” Dean said.

“Oh.”

Dean pressed a kiss to Castiel’s temple. “As I was saying, since... all of that... did you want to come back to Lawrence with me and Sam for the holidays? Just if you wanted to, I mean. You could meet everyone, and I know Ellen’s been dying to meet you. And I just thought-” Dean was abruptly cut off as Castiel’s lips crashed into his.

“Yes,” Castiel breathed, sounding more human and emotional than ever. “Yes, I would... I would greatly appreciate that, Dean.”

“I thought so,” Dean grinned and got back to kissing Castiel.


	28. Chapter 28

_ Twenty-Eight _

Dean stepped out of the car and held the door wide for Castiel to follow. The pleasant Lawrence air breezed around them and Dean sighed. The Academy year was over and he was home. It felt good to be back again; especially with Castiel beside him. Ash had collected them from the shuttle depot and had spent the entirety of the trip asking them all questions about their semester. By the time they had arrived, he and Castiel were already well acquainted.

“This is The Roadhouse,” Dean said and Castiel nodded beside him as he surveyed the sprawling bar, restaurant and house.

“She’s one of the last of her kind,” Ash said fondly. “The county used to be riddled with places like this, but they all went out of business or were bought up for redevelopment.”

The front door opened and Ellen and Jo stepped out and headed towards them. Castiel hung back as Ellen hugged Sam and Dean (and lightly pushed Ash out of the way as he lined up for a hug too).

“And you must be Castiel,” Ellen said, offering a hand. “It’s good to meet you.”

“The pleasure’s all mine, ma’am,” Castiel said.

Ellen snorted. “Please, it’s Ellen. And this is my daughter Jo.”

Jo shook Castiel’s hand too just as the door opened again and John stepped out to greet them. He hugged his sons tightly, and Dean still wasn’t sure he’d ever get used to that.

“Hey Dad,” Sam said and if he sounded choked up, no one mentioned it.

“Uh, Dad, this is Castiel Milton,” Dean said, stepping aside to reveal the half-Vulcan. “Cas, this is my dad. John Winchester.”

“Castiel Milton,” John said, offering a hand which Castiel took. “I’ve heard a lot about the Miltons. It’s good to meet you.”

“You too, sir.”

“So how do you know my son?”

“We share a room together at the Academy,” Castiel said, carefully.

“Roommates,” John said. “I had some good roommates back in my days at the Academy too.”

“Actually, Dad,” Dean began, looking nervous. “We’re more than just roommates. Castiel’s my... boyfriend.” The word sounded odd, almost too casual. But it had to do; there was no way Dean was using the word ‘lover’ in front of his dad.

“Oh,” John said, leaning back and clearly trying to hide the shock on his face. “That’s good.”

“Good?”

“Well I think it’s wonderful,” Ellen said, stepping forward and placing an arm around Dean’s shoulder and smiling at Castiel. “It’s good to see Dean finally has someone in his life.”

“Someone besides that car of his, you mean,” Jo said.

“Yeah, you’ll have trouble getting him away from it,” Ash said to Castiel.

“Shut up!” Dean said.

“Dean has already told me about his ‘ _baby_ ’. Multiple times,” Castiel said.

“Well at least he’s honest,” Jo added with a shrug.

“I hate you both,” Dean said dryly. There was a pause before they started laughing; even John chuckled slightly. And eventually Dean joined in. With that, any awkwardness that could have ensued from John Winchester’s reaction was diffused.

Mere moments later found the seven of them settled around the bar. Ellen had even flipped the sign on the door, declaring the bar closed for business. “I can afford a night off,” she said, handing out beers.

They all toasted her on this decision. Castiel took one tentatively and only after Dean gave him an encouraging nod did he take a sip. It felt good to be back here, Dean realised as he looked around the room. Nothing had changed in their absence. The old television set continued to work in the corner; Dean could make out a news headline about odd transportation signals through the minimal static. The set of pool tables were still there and Dean smiled at the thought of teaching Castiel the game. He had no doubt the half-Vulcan would pick it up quickly.

Conversation centred mostly on Academy life and more toasts were raised to congratulate their completion of the first year. John asked Castiel so many questions it was closer to an interrogation than a conversation, but the half-Vulcan took it in stride and Dean took a moment to find Castiel’s hand under the bar and give it a reassuring squeeze.

“So have you got yourself a partner too, Sammy?” John asked turning to his youngest son and pausing slightly around the word ‘partner’.

Sam ducked his head. “Jessica Moore,” he said. “She’s my girlfriend.”

“You didn’t bring her home to introduce us?”

“Actually, she had to visit her aunt and uncle down in L.A. first. But I’m hoping she’ll come out here for a few weeks before Christmas,” Sam said.

“I look forward to it,” John said before taking a long pull on his beer.

Dean’s comm went off then and he dug it out, his eyes skimming over the message. He laughed.

“Charlie is rather upset by the fact we didn’t get to celebrate all together before leaving for the year,” he said to Sam and Castiel.

“Don’t tell her that we’re currently relaxing and drinking beers here!” Sam said.

“I value my life too much for that,” Dean said.

“Charlie’s a friend of ours,” Sam explained to the other four. “Her and Dean met on the shuttle over to the Academy. He nearly threw up on her.”

“I did not!” Dean protested.

“That’s not what she said.”

Dean saluted his brother with a raised middle finger.

“You’re such a child!” Sam said.

“All the time spent with you is rubbing off,” Dean retorted.

“I’ve missed this,” Ellen said with a smile. She, Jo, and Ash were all grinning fondly at the brothers. John had a hollow look about him as though he was only just realising what he’d been missing all these years.

“C’mon,” Dean said cheerfully a few minutes later, looking over at Castiel “I’ll give you the grand tour!” He jumped off the bar stool and patiently waiting for Castiel to follow with all the excitement of a puppy.

“I’d like that,” Castiel said. He glanced hesitantly around at the others. “You won’t mind?”

“Oh go for it,” Ellen said earnestly with a wave. “Don’t mind us.”

“You kids have fun,” John said stiffly, as though they were fifteen and heading off to a local park. Dean rolled his eyes.

Dean resisted the temptation to grab Castiel’s hand and lead him through the bar, restaurant, kitchen and adjoining house. Instead they walked side-by-side, shoulders brushing occasionally as Dean showed Castiel the main rooms of his home.

“I’m sorry about that,” Dean said when they were well out of earshot of the others. “I had no idea my dad would ask you so many questions.”

“It’s fine, Dean,” Castiel replied. “He’s clearly just looking out for you.”

“I guess so,” Dean said, unsure. He had a sickening feeling that John Winchester did not approve. But he thrust the thought from his head as they reached a door on the top floor. The sign on it declared it ‘Dean’s Room’.

“Anyway, this is my room,” Dean said, needlessly.

“I never would have guessed,” Castiel said. Dean elbowed him fondly before pushing the old timber door open with a creak. “It’s uh, it’s not much, but it’s home you know.”

Castiel stood motionless in the doorway for a long moment, his eyes slowly scanning the room and drinking it in. Dean saw his eyes flit to the fading Led Zeppelin poster on the wall, past the old wooden chest of drawers with the picture frames that alternated pictures of Dean and his family from years ago. He watched with a nervous smile as Castiel gazed at the four poster bed with the holovid attachment before finally stepping fully into the room. The half-Vulcan headed to the small window and look out. Dean’s window overlooked the small, dusty garden out the back. When he was nine he’d tried growing more exotic plants there, so as to give himself a nicer view. It was at that point he found out he lacked the necessary patience for plants to grow and so he went back to the more rewarding past time of mechanics and engineering.

Dean sighed: he’d missed this place. It seemed like years since he had been here in his small room with its small window and floorboards that creaked in certain places. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it was his and that was all that mattered.

“I like it,” Castiel said, turning away from the window to face Dean. “It’s very _you._ ”

“Thanks,” Dean said, inwardly delighted. He sat down on the bed and after a few moments Castiel joined him. “Think you’ll be okay with staying here? For Christmas?”

“In your room?”

“Well, we do have a guest room but I think Dad’s in there now,” Dean said. “And I do have a large bed.”

“I can see that,” Castiel said, slyly.

Dean winked at him before bounding up again. “There’s one last place we have to visit first,” he said.

Less than a minute later, Dean opened to the door to the spacious garage and flicked on the light, revealing a lot of various junk and a large car, barely recognisable under a protective dust cover. Dean pulled the cover off in a well-practiced motion and turned to Castiel, expectantly.

“This is your car?” Castiel asked, running his eyes over the Impala’s length.

“Sure is,” Dean said, tossing the dust cover over into a corner on top of a tool set. 

“What model is it again?”

Dean looked as though he had been mortally wounded. “It’s a 1967 Chevrolet Impala. Isn’t she the sweetest?”

Castiel looked as though ‘sweet’ was the last word he would use to describe the car, but he nodded anyway. “I’d like to go for a drive in it.”

Dean’s grin seemed to light up the garage.

Castiel copied Dean’s movements in his attempt to get inside the vehicle, gently closing the door. Seemingly unable to wipe the grin off his face, Dean slid in beside him. “You ready for this?”

“I am,” Castiel said, looking around at the leather seats and the interior controls.

“What music do you wanna listen to?”

A small frown appeared between Castiel’s eyes. “Sam informed me that the house rules were that the driver picks the music and shotgun shuts his... uh, cakehole?”

Dean roared with laughter. “He would be correct,” he said once he’d settled down. “But that mostly only applies to Sam when he wants to listen to some modern pop, or when he went through that stage of listening to old musical soundtracks. You can pick whatever you want.”

Castiel seemed to ponder this. “My knowledge of music is not the best,” he said. “I will be happy with whatever you choose.”

Dean hummed. “Zeppelin it is then.” He rifled through the collection of tapes before pulling one out and the sounds of _Rock And Roll_ soon filled the car. Moments later, Dean pulled out onto the road and planted his foot on the ground, letting the engine rev high before shifting into the next gear.

Castiel was silent for most of the drive, watching the scenery fly past with apparent interest.

“Have you ever been around America before?” Dean asked.

“I visited a relative in Chicago once,” Castiel said. “Apart from that, I have mostly remained in San Francisco.”

“I’m taking you on a road trip some time then,” Dean said immediately.

“I’d like that,” Castiel said, smiling at him.

~ *XX* ~

“I like this song,” Castiel said a while later.

“Kashmir,” Dean said, twisting the dial to increase the volume. “Nice choice,” he added with a grin. “It’s a classic.”

“I thought they were all classics,” Castiel said.

“Yeah, well they are,” Dean admitted with a guilty shrug. “But this one more so.”

Castiel gave him a sceptical look. “Of course,” he said and he began to nod his head to the heavy beat of the song.

They continued driving, Castiel swaying to the music and occasionally commenting. Dean felt like he had somehow developed a muscular fault and could not stop smiling. It seemed like everything was coming together in his life. He had successfully started his journey towards becoming an engineer, his father was back, he had made some truly wonderful and loyal friends at the Academy and he had Castiel.  And together they were driving along a perfect piece of road, while perfect music played. He didn’t think it could get any better than this.

Dean finally stopped at the top of a rise, where a clearing in the trees gave a clear view out over the city of Lawrence. The sun was edging closer to the horizon and the sky was beginning to mottle; pinks, oranges and blues mixing together. For a while the only sound was the tiny clinks of noise from the cooling engine.

“The colour reminds me of Vulcan,” Castiel said. “It’s beautiful.”

“I’m glad you think so,” Dean said. Castiel turned to him and leaned over to press his lips to Dean’s. They kissed languidly in orange glow of the sun. Castiel’s lips were tinged with green and swollen when Dean eventually pulled back.

“So, I’ve saved the best til last,” Dean said. “Stairway To Heaven.”

“You promised you’d play it for me back at the Orientation Function,” Castiel said.

Dean looked delighted. “You remembered!”

“Of course I did,” Castiel said, as though it were obvious.

“Well, here it is.”

He clicked a different tape into the player and the opening chords started, bringing a familiar, soft smile to Dean’s face.

“This is highly clichéd,” Castiel said, a hint of a smirk gracing his lips. He gestured to the view in front of them.

“Shush!” Dean said. “You’re meant to be listening! But yeah... I know,” Dean said, ducking his head in embarrassment. “Not a word to Sam.”

“Not a word.”

Dutifully, Dean rewound the tape and the song began to play again, uninterrupted, as they watched the sun set.


	29. Chapter 29

_ Twenty-Nine _

The following weeks in Lawrence passed in an enjoyable haze of weak sunshine, long car drives to nowhere, and a sense of relaxation. Castiel settled into life at the Roadhouse with more ease than Dean would have expected. Within several days, he had Castiel wearing jeans and tee-shirts (a sight which made Dean’s own denim uncomfortably tight at times). The half-Vulcan also offered to help out in the bar and spent hours cleaning glasses, pouring drinks and chatting with the Roadhouse customers as though had been doing it for years. Dean slowly introduced Castiel to pool and if they spent more time making out against the timber and green felt table, then that was okay too. At least until someone spotted them and Jo would throw peanuts at them and Ash would remind them that he sometimes _slept_ on those tables and to cut it out.

Only John seemed out of sorts. He was wary around Dean and Castiel and took to watching them intently as though trying to understand something that was far beyond his comprehension. It made for several uncomfortable situations, especially when they all sat down for dinner together and John would question Castiel, night-after-night, about nearly every topic under the sun. It became less of an interrogation as other would join in the conversation, but the undercurrent of tension was still there.  

“You’d have thought he’d have run out of questions by now, huh?” Dean said to Castiel one evening, as way of apology. They were the only two in the bar: John had retired to bed early, Sam and Jo were helping Ash set up a total immersion video game, and Ellen was cleaning up in the kitchen.

“I think he just wants to get to know me. He’s only being protective of you,” Castiel said, though there was a hint of hesitation in his voice.

“Well, I don’t need protecting,” Dean snapped. Castiel blinked in surprise at the sudden anger with which Dean retorted. “Sorry,” Dean amended softly. “I just...”

“I understand,” Castiel said, stepping forward and placing his forehead against Dean’s in a surprisingly tender motion. “Don’t let him get to you. I can handle the questions: they are mostly tame.”

“I know you can,” Dean smiled slightly. “I’m just sorry you have to be subjected to it all, you know.”

“You do not have to be sorry,” Castiel said.

“But I-”

“I get to be here with you,” Castiel cut him off. “I get to spend time with you and your family in what has, so far, been the happiest holiday of my life. Dean, I am willing to answer any questions your father chooses to throw at me. Because it’s worth it to be here with you.”

Dean pressed their lips together firmly, overwhelmed with gratitude at Castiel’s understanding. They fell back lightly against the nearby bar, kissing deeply.

“I’m glad you’re here too, Cas,” Dean murmured against Castiel’s lips.

“Mmm.”

“And you know what else I’m glad of?”

“What’s that, Dean?”

“The fact you’ve taken to wearing jeans and tees. It’s far too sexy to be legal.”

“You think so?” Castiel said, all too innocent.

“I do,” Dean said heatedly, nipping at Castiel’s lips.

“OI!” Sam’s sudden voice made them spring apart. “People drink at that bar.”

“Jeez guys get a room,” Jo added, entering the room behind Sam.

“Just because I’m getting some and you’re not,” Dean grinned.

“I so did not need to hear that,” Sam said.

“Come on, we’ve nearly set this game up. You still playing?”

“Sure thing,” Dean said, detaching himself from Castiel who gave a small whine of protest. “Later,” he added with a wink to the other man.

~ *XX* ~

Sometime later, Dean pulled Castiel up to his room. As soon as the door closed behind them, Dean had him hard up against it. He brought his hands up to push through Castiel’s hair and pressed their lips together with almost painful desperation. Castiel’s mouth opened invitingly and Dean deepened the kiss, licking into it hungrily.

“Dean!” Castiel gasped when Dean finally pulled back to breathe.

“Do you have any idea,” Dean paused to kiss Castiel again. “How fucking gorgeous...” Kiss. “...you look...” Kiss. “...in those jeans?”

“I do recall you saying something earlier,” Castiel said, his steady voice higher than usual as Dean pressed against him.

“I have had to watch you walk round that bar, bending down... reaching up... and it’s been driving me crazy, Cas. Jesus!” Dean pressed his body even closer to Castiel’s, grinding up against him desperately. His hands slid up the inside of the old Pink Floyd shirt Castiel was wearing to pull on one peaked nipple. Castiel let out a groan before dipping his head to press hot kisses down Dean’s neck. He found the pulse point and began to suck, dragging Dean’s flushed skin up between his teeth.

“Cas,” Dean gasped, tilting his head back encouragingly.

“Bed?” Castiel suggested, breathing the word against Dean’s skin.

Dean was already backing towards it, pulling off his shirt as he did. He sat down on the edge of the bed when he reached it and Castiel came towards him, lifting his own shirt off and letting it fall the floor. He stood between Dean’s legs and looked down at him, cheeks flushed the lightest of greens. Then painfully slow, he leant down to kiss Dean’s pink lips again. Unable to help himself, Dean rose up to meet Castiel, hissing into his mouth at the contact of their bare chests. Pressing into him again, Dean felt the bulge of Castiel’s cock as it rubbed against him, separated only by their jeans. A pleasurable ripple of arousal flooded through him. 

“Jeans off,” Dean said, reaching down to flick the button of his own open.

“I thought you said you liked the jeans,” Castiel said, his voice gently teasing. He reached around to cup Dean’s ass and pull the two of them together; the denim rasped audibly at the friction.

Dean groaned and dug his fingers into Castiel’s hips, hard enough to leave small emerald spots. “Fuck,” he whispered. “I do, I love the jeans. I love you in the jeans, I love your ass in the jeans and I love the outline of your cock in the jeans. But right now, I need you out of those jeans, Cas. Please.”

Castiel responded by pulling down Dean’s jeans instead, hands brushing over the sensitive tip of Dean’s cock as he did. Gently, he pushed Dean back onto the bed and removed the pants fully, tossing them beside their discarded shirts. Then, under Dean’s hungry gaze, he slowly unbuttoned his own jeans and pulled them off, taking his underwear with it. Dean freed himself from his own boxers, then offered a hand for Castiel to join him on their bed. Taking the offered hand, Castiel lowered himself onto the bed. Their bodies were separated for only a fraction of a second, before Dean embraced Castiel fully.

“Damn, Cas,” Dean moaned, crushing against the naked man. He slid a hand down to gently squeeze Castiel’s ass, before moving it to grasp his cock.

“Dean!” Castiel gasped, bucking uncontrollably into Dean’s hand.  Beginning a well-practised pumping, Dean swallowed up Castiel’s gasps as they kissed. “Dean, I... stop.” Dean slowed his motion and moved his hand away, pulling back slightly to meet Castiel’s eyes.

“Cas?”

A wordless message passed between them and Dean nodded. Smiling, Castiel rubbed a hand up and down Dean’s chest, pausing to press and tease each nipple. Closing his eyes, Dean let himself become overwhelmed by Castiel’s touch. One hand remained twisting his nipple, while the other trailed down to rake finger nails though his pubic hair before wrapping itself around his cock. Dean moaned again and lifted his hips as Castiel began to move his hand up and down, pausing only to rub a thumb across the tip.

For one excruciating moment, all contact stopped. Dean opened his eyes to protest, but Castiel was already moving down his body, pressing light kisses against the skin as he did. When his mouth met Dean’s cock, Dean uttered a cry. He felt Castiel smile around his erection and it took all his willpower to not thrust up and choke Castiel.

“Jesus! Cas!” Dean breathed, feeling Castiel’s tongue whirl its way around his cock and sliding across the tip, lapping up the pre-come. “Where did you learn this?” he asked, not the first time. Castiel’s reply was to swallow Dean’s cock entirely and Dean arched his back reflexively. He was so close to coming now and all he could do was gasp and groan as Castiel’s mouth worked away.

“Cas, I’m gonna come. Cas, I’m- ahh…” His words were interrupted as an unbidden moan broke free of his lips and he came, thrusting into Castiel’s mouth. Dean collapsed back into the bed, breathless and feeling just so unbelievably _good_. Looking down he saw Castiel release his deflating cock and lick his lips. When they kissed a moment later, Dean tasted himself in it as Castiel’s tongue explored his mouth. He felt Castiel’s hard cock against his leg and he reached a hand down to grasp it, determined to repay the pleasure Castiel had just given him.

“No,” Castiel said, firmly. “Turn over.”

Dean obliged instantly, turned on by Castiel’s bossiness. Hands caressed his ass again, before sliding down to massage his balls. His breath hitched, arousal jolting through him again and Castiel paused. “Lubrication?”

“In my bag,” Dean murmured. He turned to watch as Castiel squirted the lube onto his fingers. The lube was cool as Castiel returned and began to rub small circles at the tight entrance to Dean’s body. Dean leaned into it and Castiel was soon pressing one, two, three fingers inside him. Dean whined with need and then began to pant, eager to feel Castiel inside him.

“I’m ready, Cas,” he said.

Castiel withdrew his fingers and seconds later, Dean felt the familiar press of Castiel’s cock. He let out an uncontrollable whimper, which turned into a cry as Castiel pushed inside him. The rhythm they set was steady and increased with speed as Dean arched into it. With each slap of skin against skin; each thrust deep inside Dean, Castiel grunted. He let out a string of Vulcan words that Dean didn’t understand, and then said in English. “Remember this, Dean.”

“What?” Dean said.

“Next time I wear your jeans, remember this. Remember the feeling of me inside you, every time you see me in your jeans.”

“Fuck!” He was going to get hard again.

“Next time you see me in those jeans, you’ll remember this. You’ll remember me thrusting into you and coming as I cry out your name.”

“Cas!” Dean gasped, and Castiel’s pushed into him faster, with more urgency. Then Castiel was coming, pulsing inside Dean as he emptied himself. And true to his word, he cried out Dean’s name before collapsing onto the bed.

For several moments they both lay there, breathing heavily as they tried to catch their breaths.

“Remind me to wear your jeans more often,” Castiel finally said.

“I’m never going to stop reminding you,” Dean said and he placed a soft, lingering kiss on Castiel’s lips.


	30. Chapter 30

_ Thirty _

Jessica arrived on the eighth, much to Sam’s delight, and became part of the family as though she had been there for years. She and Jo became thick as thieves almost overnight and she was always happy to help Ellen out at the bar. Sam couldn’t stop grinning and Dean was so happy for his little brother. He deserved this happiness. The Roadhouse also began filling with Christmas spirit. Ellen pulled a box of old decorations out from behind the bar and one memorable afternoon was spent decorating the entire house. Wreaths on every door, lights around the bar and pool tables, and an enormous Christmas tree in the corner next to the jukebox, which the three Winchesters decorated together.  Everything seemed to be going perfectly, which was of course when it all went wrong.

It was one week from Christmas Day when it happened. Perhaps in hindsight, Dean should have seen it coming and somehow prepared for it. But for once, he’d been too caught up in his own happiness with his family and Castiel, to even think about anything else.

They were all sitting down after one particularly good dinner, quietly chatting and drinking beer. Castiel was deep in conversation with Ash about the finer details of pool and Ellen and Jo were teasing Sam about his long hair (Jessica was doing a very poor job at holding in her laughter), when John turned to Dean and suddenly said, “Why couldn’t you settle down with a young woman like Sammy’s got here. A human, you know…”

The uproar was instantaneous.

“Dad!” Sam protested, as Ellen and Jo cried, “John!”

“What?” John said, with a shrug. “Dean’s just trying to be the black sheep of the family, dating a Vulcan. Because becoming an engineer wasn’t enough.” He gave a laugh, as though it was an old joke. But no one else shared his mirth. Dean shot an apologetic look at Castiel, who had a hard look on his face.

An awkward silence fell upon the room. Almost at once Dean knew his father had crossed a line: he’d brought species into the equation.

“John, did you want to help me clear these plates?” Ellen said, standing up from the table. “Sam, please pass down those empty-”

But John cut her off loudly, “Actually, I was wondering if you could answer a question for me.” He looked Castiel, who fixed him with a polite but otherwise unreadable look.

“Dad,” Dean said through gritted teeth. “I think you’ve asked enough questions. Let’s move on.”

John ignored his son and continued to stare at Castiel. “I was doing some research and I want to know how this would work between you two.”

For one wild moment Dean thought John was talking about sex and he was about to protest when Castiel answered, his voice tight but still calm.

“Vulcans have a different way of looking at relationships,” Castiel said carefully. “Most have a partner chosen for them at birth. I didn’t, however. I am half-Vulcan however and my father felt…” he paused and Dean saw a flitter of emotion in Castiel’s eyes. “My father wanted me to continue with my studies at the Academy before… before anything was decided.”

“Huh,” John said. “So there’s a chance you’ll leave my son when you finish school then?”

Dean felt his stomach clench. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Castiel twitch in anger.

“You misunderstand me,” Castiel said.

“No, I don’t think I do,” John said, sounding defensive. Sam was glaring at John, who continued to look at Castiel. “I’m just looking out for my son. I want what’s best for him.”

“Dad,” Dean said warningly. He was touched that John felt that way, but annoyed at the same time. It wasn’t said aloud, but Dean knew what John was thinking: Castiel wasn’t what was best for Dean.

“I want what’s best for Dean too,” Castiel said. John didn’t reply at once, but the look that formed on his face showed he didn’t entirely believe the other man.

“I’ll help with the cleaning, Ellen,” Jessica said loudly, standing up and gathering the plates closest to her.

“Thank you, Jess.”

“Cas and I can help too,” Dean said, rising from his seat as well. He couldn’t sit with John anymore. He thought his father was on the brink of saying something else and he didn’t want to stick around and find out what it was. Ellen gave him a half-smile and mouthed ‘ _I’m sorry_ ’.

“I’m happy to help,”Castiel said.

They all cleared the table in tense quiet. John said nothing more, but kept a disconcerting eye on his son and Castiel. Dean barely noticed this however; his mind was spinning with ugly thoughts. He hadn’t considered anything past his studies and what it might mean for him and Castiel. What if Metatron meant to find someone else for his son? Would Castiel leave him like John said? Dean didn’t even want to entertain the thought; he knew how Castiel felt about him. Or at least, he thought he did. The half-Vulcan kept so many things secret. His emotions never showed…

Dean loved his father, but right now he hated that John had brought this up. He’d never stopped to think about his future with Castiel and how they would make it work, or _if_ they _could_ make it work. And now, he couldn’t stop from thinking about it.

~ *XX* ~

“I’m sorry you had to sit through that,” Dean said to Castiel a while later when they reached the safety of Dean’s room. “Again. Dad and I...” he trailed off, not knowing even where to begin. “He’s been absent for so much of my life and I just...”

“I understand that...” Castiel said.

“But?” Dean probed, sensing there was something Castiel was holding back. There was a sudden tension between them that hadn’t been present for the weeks previous. It scared Dean and filled him with a sense of foreboding.

“Why don’t you stand up to him?” Castiel said. “Tell him that being an engineer is still a worthy goal, tell him that it’s not acceptable for him to interrogate me. I note he has not done the same for Jessica.”

“That’s just because you’re...”

“What Dean? I’m half-Vulcan? I’m different? I possess male genitalia?”

“No!” Dean protested, albeit weakly. He knew it was a lie. “He’s just like that. Besides I thought you didn’t mind the questioning anyway.”

“I see,” was all Castiel said, his voice flat and low.

“What?”

Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he tilted his head. “You really believe I enjoyed being questioned so persistently?”

“I… no of course not,” Dean said, thrown slightly.

“Then why didn’t you stand up to him more often?”

“I just… Well, hey, it’s not like you can talk,” Dean said testily, feeling himself getting angry. “How can you tell me to stand up to my dad when you don’t stand up to yours?”

“That’s different.”

“How?” Dean demanded. “Your family have treated you like shit, even more so than my dad ever did. Your brothers practically used you as a punching bag while they were training and you father did nothing. Not to mention he also thinks you’re a failure for not following in your brother’s footsteps! You have no right to tell me to stand up and protest, when you clearly haven’t either. And you’re Vulcan. You should have no qualms with standing up and pointing out the obvious. It should be logical to you, right?”

Castiel said nothing. He looked down and away, but Dean appeared not to notice.

“And for that matter, have you even told your family about us? Your father and your brothers, I mean. Not just Anna and Gabe. Have you?”

“No. But, Dean. You don’t understand. It’s different for me.”

“How?” Dean demanded.

“I’m half-Vulcan, Dean! Everything is different. It’s complicated. My father...”

“What about him?”

“He... he wants me to be bonded to a female of our species. And when I undergo Pon Farr, he wants me to join with her permanently.”

Dean felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. He had been so distracted by his own problems and his own life and how Castiel was fitting into it, that he’d forgotten Pon Farr. “Your father’s actually arranged for you to marry someone? A Vulcan?” His voice came out as a hollow whisper. Everything John had said was true. “I thought you said he was waiting...”

“I don’t believe he has found anyone yet,” Castiel said. “But I know he is trying. It’s difficult. I am only half-Vulcan. Even now we are unsure if I will ever undergo Pon Farr. Evidence so far suggests I will, but it will not be as... strong as for pureblood Vulcans.”

“I’ll fight for you,” Dean said immediately, as his mind conjured up all the information he knew about Pon Farr and Kal-if-fee, the ritual which set two people against each other for the right to be betrothed to someone.

“That won’t be necessary, Dean,” Castiel said.

“You don’t want me to fight for you?”

“No, that’s not it,” Castiel said, looking away.

“No...” Dean’s stomach dropped. “You haven’t? You’re not already...?”

Castiel shook his head, looking back at Dean in earnest. “Father is still trying to find someone,” he repeated.

“Oh... yeah, right.”

Nodding, Castiel looked away again. “I’m sorry, Dean.”

“You need to tell him about us,” Dean said. “If you let him find you someone...”

“I know.”

“Oh God... How is he going to react to me?” Dean asked. “I mean, you’re not exact a blushing virgin anymore, Cas. Is that allowed?”

“It’s a common misconception,” Castiel said and in spite of everything, he smiled. “We are all allowed sex lives independent of Pon Farr. Especially those like me, since there is doubt I will go through the change.”

“Oh.”

“But you see why I can’t tell them about you, why I can’t introduce you... They won’t accept you.”

“What?” Dean said, feeling insulted. “They won’t _accept_ me? What does that make me then? What am I to you? Your dirty little secret?”

“No, Dean...”

Silence fell, all Dean could hear was his heavy breathing and the heart pounding in his chest. He couldn’t remember how the conversation had turned to this. “Why didn’t you tell me all this earlier?” he asked, forcing himself to be calm.

“I didn’t want you to worry.”

Dean snorted, feeling panicked anger rise up in him. “You didn’t want me to worry about the fact you might be leaving me for a _fucking Vulcan bride_?”

Castiel said nothing, looking down suddenly unable to meet Dean’s gaze. “Dean...”

“I hate that you keep how these things from me,” Dean said. “I hate how you hide your emotions from me.”

“It’s how I am Dean. It’s in my blood. If you can’t accept that…”

“Then maybe it’s best that you do find yourself a proper bride who’s more like you,” Dean said, harshly.

“Maybe I should,” Castiel replied stiffly.

A pregnant silence followed these words.

“So is that it then?” Dean said, feeling horrifyingly numb. “Is that’s what gonna happen? You’re going to... to leave me when they find someone for you?” Castiel remained silent. “No...”

“I must uphold the values set...” Castiel began, but Dean’s hearing was suddenly muffled, as though his ears were filled with cotton wool.

The air in the room seemed to have vanished; the temperature dropped ten degrees. Dean was dimly aware that his heart seemed to have stopped beating. He couldn’t breathe. Stumbling backwards on legs that no longer supported his weight, Dean collapsed on his bed. The bed he’d shared with Castiel not long ago. “Go,” he said, his voice sounding miles away.

“Dean, I-”

“Just go.”

For a moment there was no noise and somewhere, deep-down and distant, Dean hoped that Castiel would join him on the bed. He hoped they would talk, because there had to be a solution… there just had to be. But then there was a creak of the timber floorboard. The door opened and then shut with a finality that shattered Dean’s heart into several pieces.


	31. Chapter 31

_ Thirty-One _

Dean didn’t know how long he remained sitting on the edge of his bed.

He couldn’t remember even moving. Almost instantly he’d regretted telling Castiel to go. But he couldn’t take it back. Castiel was already gone. That was all that mattered; all he could think about. The thoughts consumed him, chasing one another around and around his head until it hurt. Castiel had left him. He’d let Castiel leave. And it was like a light had gone out. The half-Vulcan had walked into his life and brought him so much joy and brightness and now it was just gone, like a vital organ had been removed.

Part of Dean wanted to scream and rage for letting it happen, but he couldn’t quite work out how it _had_ happened. He couldn’t have prepared himself for this… John had brought it up over dinner and although Dean detested the hurtful words he’d said, Dean couldn’t completely blame his father.

The more he thought about it, the more he realised that he and Castiel had always shied away from talking about the future; hid from all the unknowns and concentrated on the present because it was just too damn good. They hadn’t allowed themselves to think on it, let alone talk about it. And that had come back to haunt them: the future had caught up with them all too soon. Dean couldn’t blame John for that.

Dean didn’t sleep that night. He didn’t even bother changing out of his clothes. He just sat there in the dark, unable to stop obsessing over Castiel and all that passed between them. It was like a poison, darkening his mind and forcing tears out of his eyes. Only when the pre-dawn light began to cast shadows across the faded Led Zeppelin poster on his wall, did Dean leave his room. He didn’t know what Castiel had told the others before leaving, but no one said anything about it. It was as though Castiel had never been there with him.

~ *XX* ~

The last week before Christmas passed in slow depression for Dean. He wanted to be happy, because it was Christmas; his father had miraculously returned and he was with his family. But happiness seemed as distant and unattainable as the farthest star. He smiled, of course, and sometimes it was genuine. He laughed at Ellen’s jokes and grinned fondly with the others when Sam and Jessica were caught staring soppily at each other, but inside he felt hollow.

He hardly saw his father. Whether he was unconsciously avoiding John or whether his father was avoiding him, Dean didn’t know, but he was relieved. Dean felt conflicted every time he thought about his father. He loved his father, but he couldn’t help wondering if things would have gone differently if John hadn’t questioned Castiel as much. John was silent during the evenings when they gathered for dinner now and Dean thought it was perhaps out of guilt that he said nothing.

It didn’t take long for Dean’s comm to start buzzing with messages. They began arriving days after Castiel had left. It was Anna first, followed by Gabriel. Both read as an odd mix of concern and anger and Dean couldn’t bring himself to respond. He couldn’t even begin to think of what he could say. He didn’t know how to put those events and his feelings into simple words.

Every time the Milton name flashed up on his comm, Dean’s mind automatically turned to Castiel and he occupied himself with thoughts of the half-Vulcan. Where was he now? Had he gone back to his own family? The family he loathed being with, even if he didn’t admit it out loud. Or had to gone back to the Academy? Was he sitting alone in the small dorm room they once shared? Did he feel as empty Dean felt?

~ *XX* ~

Dean spent a lot of time in the garage with the Impala to distract himself. The car didn’t need any serious adjustments, but he couldn’t face anyone else. Sam kept looking at him with eyes full of concern, John couldn’t look at him at all, and Jo kept bringing him drinks and playing REO Speedwagon in the hope he would comment on it. But he didn’t. Dean was content with tinkering away on his car; it kept his mind off Castiel and their last conversation. There were times though, when a stream of light bounced off the Impala in a certain way, or when Dean got a strong smell of the leather seats, that he’d remember. His mind would fill with the images of Castiel sitting in the passenger seat, that small bemused look on his face. Dean knew Castiel had been happy then, simply because Dean was happy.

Well, he wasn’t happy anymore, he’d think bitterly. And it took a lot of will power for Dean to not take a wrench and smash the car to pieces in his anger.   

The worst was that Dean should have still felt comforted. This was his family home, after all. He had grown up here; he had been allowed to be a child here without having to worry his small mind about his father’s absence. He and Sam had played in the back yard, knocking each other about as all young boys did. He had spent many long Sunday afternoons out on the back deck drinking lemonade and laughing as Bobby told dirty jokes that he was too young to understand; but he’d laughed anyway because it made him feel grown up. Then, when he was older he’d help out at the bar, pulling drinks for customers and serving food, all with a carefree smile. He’d teased Jo so many times he lost count and even though it had been awkward when she had revealed her crush on him, they’d got through it and came out the other side as brother and sister.

The walls of the house were covered in moving pictures of them all. Smaller, framed pictures oscillated between pictures of Sam and Dean and Jo and Ellen, with Ash and Bobby and sometimes a few others. It was an odd little family, but it was his and it always made Dean happy to think about it.

Only now it didn’t. The house that had once comforted him seemed vacant now. And Dean was left wondering how Castiel could tear down years of that with a few words and how he could be so _stupid_ to let it happen. Unbidden, Dean kept thinking that perhaps it was for the best. There was such a difference between him and Castiel: their families so profoundly different in every way. He’d always known Castiel was out of his league and this just proved it. Maybe it was best they’d ended things now, rather than years later when it would be more painful. The thoughts made Dean feel sick and they continued to eat away at him until he felt nothing. He’d been a fool to hope it would work.

~*XX*~

Despite Dean’s mood, Christmas a lively affair. Jo and Ellen had woken early to begin preparing breakfast and lunch. Dean himself was awaken by the sound of Jo’s yelling. Lying in bed, watching the early morning sunshine glint off the floorboards, Dean managed a smile: Jo and Ellen always found something to argue over in the kitchen.

Gifts were exchanged after breakfast. Dean had bought his weeks previously, but that seemed so long ago now. He’d taken Castiel into Lawrence central and they’d spent several happy hours wandering the streets and picking out presents together. The only gift Dean hadn’t bought that day was one for Castiel. He’d planned to go back and get something, but in the end he hadn’t needed to.

After Christmas breakfast, they all assembled by the Christmas tree, and handed gifts around to one another somewhat unceremoniously. John was wearing a red and white Santa hat, and Sam was wearing a truly horrible red jumper decorated with green holly (Dean later found out it was a gift from Jessica and he made a mental note to thank her for it – it made his brother look freaking hilarious). Everyone was smiling broadly and laughing and it was so surreal that the proceedings filled Dean with a child-like joy. He had very few memories of Christmas with his parents, but he remembered John wearing that hat. It wasn’t something he thought he’d see again.

“For you,” Sam said, holding out a large rectangular parcel to Dean.

“Oh you shouldn’t have,” Dean said, smiling through his sarcasm. “Here’s yours.”

Dean tore through the wrapping paper to reveal a set of seven books. “A Song of Ice and Fire?” he said, looking up at his brother, amazed.

“First editions,” Sam smiled.

“Wow, Sam!” Dean said, running a caressing hand along the book spines. “Where on earth did you find these? They’re beautiful.”

“A small bookshop back in California. Uh… Cas recommended it to me.”

“Oh…”

“And they’re from Dad and I both actually,” Sam continued as John came up beside them. Dean looked up at his father.

“I didn’t know what to get you,” John admitted. “Sam helped.”

“Thank you both,” Dean said, his throat suddenly tight. The turmoil of feelings he felt towards his father seemed to amplify inside him.                                                 

“Merry Christmas, son.”

There was silence between them as Dean fought to keep his emotions in check. Sam cleared this throat and opened the gift from Dean, ripping at the paper with excessive noise. It revealed a new comm. “I know you’ve needed a new one for ages,” Dean said.

“Thank you!” Sam said, grinning widely as he pulled Dean into a large, one-armed hug.

“And, uhm, this is for you dad,” Dean added a moment later when Sam had gone to show off his new toy to the others. Dean pulled out a small box. “It’s a mix of songs,” he said, suddenly feeling shy. The idea had sounded good in his head, as a way of rebuilding their relationship. For a long time, Dean didn’t know what to get his father. Gifts in the category of ‘For-the-father-in-your-life-who-up-until-recently-you-thought-was-dead-and-now-isn’t’ were non-existent. Add to that, his mixed feelings about John’s contribution to Castiel’s departure and Dean had no idea what to get. In the end, he went back to basics.

“And, well, it’s a promise too,” Dean continued. “I hope we can go for a couple of drives in the Impala together. I know she was yours before… before I got it. But, uh, we can listen to that music too. I hope you like it.”

John was staring at the tape, where Dean had written titles of songs in cramped writing. “Thank you, Dean,” John said eventually, his eyes shining and his voice thick with emotion. “That means a lot.”

~ *XX* ~

Sam found Dean sitting on the back deck later that evening. The night in Lawrence was so peaceful and beautiful. It seemed to stretch away into eternity before them and Dean felt as though he could probably have stared up at the open sky for hours. Sam closed the back door with a squeak and sat down beside his older brother. Silently, Sam passed a bottle of beer to Dean and they clinked the glasses together.

“How are you?” Sam asked, fixing him with eyes full of concern.

“I’m fine,” Dean said immediately.

“It’s just us, Dean,” Sam said. “You can drop the charade. I know Cas’s leaving must have hurt.”

Dean flinched slightly. “What did he tell you?” he asked.

“Nothing,” Sam said. “He just said he had to leave. What happened?”

“I told him to go,” Dean said, his voice barely a whisper. He couldn’t meet Sam’s eyes and fixated instead on picking the label off his beer bottle.

“What?”

“I… I ended it,” Dean said.

“What? Why?”

“Dad right was about the Vulcan thing. Cas says his father wants him to marry someone else.” Sam took in a sharp breath “I don’t know when, but I don’t think Cas has a choice… and I just…”

“I get it,” Sam said kindly. “You wanted to do things on your own terms, even if it meant uh… telling Cas to go.”

“Yeah, but I screwed up. He screwed up too. We both just...” he stopped himself, blinking back tears so Sam wouldn’t see. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“It does,” Sam said. “If it’s making you feel like this, it does matter.”

Dean said nothing, taking another gulp of beer.

“Listen,” Sam continued. “I know it’s none of my business and I’m not forcing you to talk about it more. But I’m here if you need me, okay. I don’t know what happened, but maybe you should talk to him?”

“I don’t think he wants to talk to me,” Dean said. After a pause, he added, “Thank you, though.”

Sam smiled in the dim light shining through the windows and silence fell between the brothers. It was cold and the world was filled with a stillness.

“His father wants him to marry another Vulcan,” Dean repeated, as though saying it again would make it sink in more. “And he, Cas says he has to uphold his family honour. And... well, that can’t really include me, can it?”

“Cas actually said that?”

“He didn’t need to,” Dean said. “He said I wouldn’t be _accepted_ by his family. But hey, that works just fine,” he added severely. “Because Dad didn’t accept Cas anyway. So it’s probably just all for the best.”

Sam reached out and smacked Dean on the back of his head.

“Ow!”

“Don’t talk like that,” Sam retorted. “Jo and Ellen and me and basically everyone back at Academy accepts you guys. Dad is one man; one who hasn’t even been in our lives until a few months ago. He... he shouldn’t get a say.”

“But he’s our dad.”

“He’s also specist and homophobic and a bit of a dick sometimes,” Sam said, but without malice. “And it sounds like Cas’s dad is the same.”

“That’d be right,” Dean muttered.

“You should have heard Bobby the other day,” Sam continued.

“Bobby was here?” Dean said surprised. He’d spent most of the past few days alone and not really seeing anyone.

“Nah, he called,” Sam said. “But Jo and me both heard it. He was furious!”

“About what?”

Sam gave Dean a look. “He’d seen Cas back at Academy. Alone. And he guessed something had gone wrong. He basically came out swinging at dad, talking about how he needs to accept you and your choices and love you like the father he should be.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, smiling.

Dean gave a weak smile in return. “Thanks for letting me know.”

“No problem,” Sam shrugged.

“And hey, thanks for, you know… talking with me,” Dean muttered, turning away from his younger brother again.

“You don’t have to thank me, Dean,” Sam said. “I’m always here if you need me.”

“Yeah, I know,” Dean said, feeling a sudden strong affection for his brother.

“Hey Sam!” Jessica’s voice sounded from somewhere inside the house. “It’s about to start!”

Sam turned is head around quickly to shout back, but then glanced over at Dean looking somewhat sheepish. “A Charlie Brown Christmas is on,” he explained.

“Go,” Dean waved his hand. “I’ll be in soon.”

Sam rose with a thankful grin. He clapped a hand on Dean’s shoulder before leaving his brother alone once more. Dean had been sitting in silence for only a few minutes when his comm began ringing.

“Happy Christmas!” Charlie exclaimed as soon as Dean opened his comm.

“Merry Christmas to you too,” Dean replied, a hesitant smile break across his face. He missed Charlie.

“How are you, my brother from another mother?”

“Are you drunk?” Dean asked, amused.

“There might have been egg nog,” Charlie admitted and Dean’s smile widened at her sheepish tone.

They spent a few minutes exchanging more pleasantries, talking about the gifts they’d received, the weather, their relatives. Then finally they reached the inevitable.

“And how’s things with you and Cas? Has he settled in with you all nicely at Lawrence?”

Dean’s breath hitched.

“What?” Charlie said, sensing something was wrong immediately.

“I… I think Cas and I are over,” Dean said, his voice breaking.

“What?” Charlie suddenly sounded much more sober.

“I... We…” a tear fell down Dean’s face and he wiped it away. “We had this fight and basically he pointed out how different we are and he’s meant to marry another Vulcan one day and I realise now that we have no chance together and it’s all my father’s fault. But it’s also mostly my fault, because I let him leave!”

“Woah, slow down,” Charlie said.

“I can’t, Charlie,” Dean said. “My mind just keeps going over everything. How did I screw it all up?”

“Okay,” Charlie said, breathing deeply. “Start and the beginning and tell me everything.”

Dean spoke until his voice was raw, explaining everything that had come to pass since they’d last seen each other at the Academy.

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Charlie said when he finished, her voice full of emotion.

“Yeah me too,” Dean said. “Clearly I am not meant to be happy.”

“Don’t say that, sweetie.”

“Certainly feels that way.” There was a pause; clearly Charlie didn’t know how to respond. “I miss him so much.”

“I know.”

“I didn’t even get to give him a Christmas present…”

“This is the part where I wish I could reach across the country and hug you.”

Dean let out a surprised snort of laughter. “I wish that too.”

“Where are you right now? Still in Lawrence?”

“Yeah, but I’m heading back to San Fran tomorrow or maybe the next day.”

“So soon?”

“Yeah, I just…”

“I get it,” Charlie said, cutting him off gently.

“So, um, are you still in Montreal?”

“Yeah,” Charlie said happily. “It’s been cold, but good. Gilda’s been enjoying it too.”

“I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks. I’ll be back at the Academy early next year though. We’ll catch up?”

“Of course we will. Like that’s even a question,” Dean said.

“Good,” Charlie replied and Dean envisioned her nodding in approval. “I’ve got to head off now anyway. Sorry, but it’s finally stopped snowing, so we’re going for a post-Christmas dinner walk. Gilda’s idea. Not mine.”

“No problem,” Dean said. “Enjoy yourselves. And thank you… I needed to vent about everything and you listened.”

“It’s no problem. Keep your head up.”

Charlie clicked off after their quick farewells and Dean was left feeling alone again. Alone, but slightly better. A small weight had been lifted in his chest.


	32. Chapter 32

_ Thirty-Two  _

“Are you sure you don’t want to stay longer?” Ellen asked as she hugged Dean tightly.

“I’d love to, but I’ve got to get back and...”                                                                                                 

“I know,” Ellen whispered into his ear, quietly so John wouldn’t hear. “I hope you guys can work it out.”

“Thanks,” Dean hushed back and tightened his grip on the woman who was like a mother to him. He had his doubts, but he needed to talk to Castiel. He didn’t expect them to go back to how they were; he didn’t expect anything. Mostly Dean wanted to make sure Castiel was okay and to apologise and try to talk things over. Sensibly. Like adults. He gave an inward sigh. He could do that.

Sam hugged him next. The younger Winchester was staying in Lawrence for a few more days with Jessica before heading into Kansas City for a New Year’s party. “I’ll be back in California in early January remember,” Sam assured Dean. “So I’ll see you then.”

“Sure,” Dean said, his voice muffled as he spoke into the taller man’s shoulder.

“But you get in contact if you need me, okay?”

“Hey, who’s the big brother?”

Sam pushed Dean away lightly. “Really? So I don’t get to care about you then?”

“Oh shut up,” Dean replied. Sam grinned.

Their farewell was interrupted as John stepped forward with an awkward cough. “See you later, Dean,” he said and moved to embrace him. And Dean let him, allowing his father to wrap him in his strong arms in farewell. “And, uh, I’m sorry.”

They broke apart and Dean was left wondering if he’d imagined it, but John gave him a small nod and Dean suddenly noticed how defeated he looked. Giving his father a nod in return, a thank you for the apology, Dean felt his heart clench. It was more than he had expected from John and it meant so much.

“Bye dad,” Dean said eventually, smiling and willing himself not to cry.

The journey back to The Academy was shorter than Dean remembered, as though he was dreading the return. The familiar nausea washed over him as the shuttle leapt into the air, but it was a dulled feeling; blunt because a new, sharper pain had enveloped him. He wondered if Castiel was back at the Academy. Would he be in their room when Dean got back? The thought excited him and yet filled him with dread.

When the shuttle touched down in San Francisco, Dean made straight for the Academy Medical building. He needed to speak to Anna. The Academy grounds were much quieter during the holiday, almost peaceful, and Dean was able to make it to the building without having to weave his way through a crowd. Dean walked through the doors of medical and into the crisp white waiting room. He glanced around, fully taking it in. The last time he’d been here, his eyebrow had been split open and blood obscured the majority of his vision. The fights they’d got into with Alistair and his cronies seemed like years ago. So much had changed since then.

“Can I help you?” A green-skinned Orion nurse paused to greet him.

“Uh, yeah,” Dean said. “I’m looking for Anna Milton, is she here?”

“She’s just doing her rounds,” the nurse replied. “Can I help you with anything?”

“I’m fine. I just need to see her. When will she be done?” The nurse gave a reproving look, as though it wasn’t accepted protocol to simple waltz into a medical ward and demand to see a certain staff member. Dean shifted guiltily. “Please?”

“She should be finished in fifteen minutes,” she said, glancing at the PADD she held. “You can wait here.”

“Thank you.”

With a nod, the nurse left and Dean sat down in one of the waiting chairs. He placed his bag on the empty chair next to him and picked up a magazine in an attempt to keep his mind off Castiel. It didn’t work. Fifteen minutes later, almost the second, Anna appeared, flipping her long red hair out of her face. “I was told there was a gorgeous, sad man waiting just for me,” she said.

“Hey,” Dean said, rising from his seat. “How’s it going?”

“If you’re here for my help, I’m not sure I can give it to you,” she said, skipping the niceties. “You should talk to him.”

“You’ve spoken to Cas?”

“Several days ago,” Anna said. “He was wearing the same lost expression you were when I walked in.”

“Oh,” Dean looked away, his stomach twisting. “Did he say anything?”

“I wanted him to,” Anna said. “But he wouldn’t. I don’t know what happened, but you need to talk to him. And then maybe with your fathers too.”

“You sound like Sam,” Dean said.

“Then it means you’ve heard it twice and should talk to him.”

Dean huffed a laugh. “Um, I want to talk to him. I do… I just don’t know if he wants-”

“He does,” Anna cut him off gently.

“Oh well, do you know where he’s staying?”

“He’s staying with his brother Michael,” Anna replied. “You won’t run into him here for a while. His apartment is in the city.”

“Michael? I thought they didn’t get on?”

“They don’t,” Anna said. “But apparently Castiel feels it beats certain alternatives.”

“Oh...” Dean said, understanding. “Thanks anyways. And I will. I promise I will talk to him. If he wants to...”

Anna suddenly stepped forward and wrapped her small frame around him in a brief, tight hug. “Sorry,” she muttered after pulling away. “It looked like you needed that.”

“Thanks,” Dean said again. “I really did.”

~ *XX* ~

Dean punched in the code to his dorm room. The door hesitated for a moment before it opened with its familiar whoosh and Dean stepped into the dark. The room felt cold and empty without Castiel.

As he made his way over to his bed, his foot caught on something hard sticking out from underneath it. Bending, Dean picked up the PADD and the screen lit up at his touch, showing it was still on the autobiography of Scotty. Memory flared and Dean recalled dropping the PADD when Castiel had walked in and pressed their lips together. It seemed like an age away, the vision playing in black and white in his mind. They’d been so happily distracted, the PADD had been left forgotten. Chest aching, Dean fell back onto the bed, his breath heaving in held back sobs. Everything seemed as dark and bleak as the suffocating room in which Dean now sat.

And Dean couldn’t help it: tears fell, splashing onto the PADD still held in his weak hands.

~ *XX* ~

The fireworks bloomed in the dark sky like flowers in the spring. With each one another cheer rose from the impromptu crowd that had assembled across the lawn below the dormitory. Dean glanced at them for a few moments before looking back to his comm, where his finger hovered over the SEND button.

**_Happy New Year Cas_ **

It was innocent enough, Dean though. They hadn’t communicated since that day back in Lawrence and it was killing Dean. He hadn’t been able to bring himself to contact Castiel yet, even though it had been his plan. The idea of it alone made his inside squirm; he knew that talking with Castiel would probably confirm the end of their relationship. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that yet.

But _god,_ he wanted to hear from Castiel. He wanted to know how he was coping, how he felt; was he still staying with Michael? Was he okay with that? Dean wanted to know it all. Beyond their argument and beyond any possible Vulcan brides, Dean just wanted to be in contact with Castiel again. He wanted to see the little smiles that would quirk Castiel’s lips, the faint blushes that would tinge his pointed ears green, the laugh that Dean had heard only a handful of time. And he missed the half-Vulcan’s embrace. He missed the warmth of his touch and eager press of his lips on Dean’s skin. Dean wanted to have that all again. And now there was a very real chance that he wouldn’t.

His comm buzzed in his hand revealing messages from Charlie, Benny, and Sam (though the message read from both him and Jessica). Smiling to himself, he tapped out replies before finally steeling himself and sending the message to Castiel. Dean received a reply five anxious minutes later that was a mirror of his own.

**_Happy New Year Dean_ **

It should have made Dean smile, but he just felt sad, reading those words. Sad because of what could have been. And if he went to bed with wet cheeks, well he was alone anyway and no one would know.

For the first time in nearly four months, the nightmares returned and Dean knew - just _knew-_ it was because of Castiel’s absence. He woke suddenly, sitting bolt upright and panting hard. His face felt hot as though the flames of his past had really been there and it hadn’t been part of a dream. The echoing cries of John’s voice lingered in his mind and slowly he lowered himself back into the bed.

Dean scrubbed at his eyes, wiping away any evidence of tears, before turning his gaze to the light on his comm. 4:14AM. That was 4:14AM, January the first.

“Great start,” Dean muttered to himself as he punched his pillow into a more comfortable shape. Finally, he dropped his head back and gazed at the ceiling. It was dimly lit from the lights outside and somewhere distant Dean could hear laughter of a continuing party. He sighed and the noise echoed around the empty room.

It felt like he lay awake for hours, but he must have fallen asleep because he was sharply woken by the sound of something banging on the dormitory door. His initial, sleep-induced thought was that the door had finally stopped working and he was going to be stuck inside the room. A few seconds later, he realised that it wasn’t the door itself, rather someone knocking with unnecessary force.

“Stop fucking knocking,” Dean called as he dragged himself out of bed. “I’m coming, okay.”

The door was opened seconds later to reveal Benny Lafitte. “You look like shit,” he said.

“Thanks,” Dean said, fighting the temptation to add _‘tell me something I don’t know.’_ But he stepped back to allow Benny to enter anyway. The door hesitated for a moment before whooshing closed again.

Benny walked over to the window and reset the electronic control, letting bright sunshine flood in. Dean winced. “Okay, you are having a shower and then I am buying you a coffee,” Benny said.

“What time is it?”

“About half past nine,” Benny answered. “Shower. Now.”

“Jeez, who turned you into my mother?”

“Charlie commed me,” Benny admitted. “Told me a few things and, well, here I am.”

Dean knew how protective Charlie was when it came to her friends. “That actually makes sense.”

“And there was no way I was going to refuse that woman,” Benny continued.

Snorting with amusement, Dean nodded. “I didn’t realise anyone else would be back here yet.”

“The little family I have left for a holiday to Tellar two days after Christmas, so I figured I’d come back earlier. There’s less snow in California.”

“There’s never any snow here.”

“Exactly,” Benny said vehemently. “Now, shower. I’ll wait here and then we can grab coffees.”

“Okay, okay, I’m going,” Dean said and he raised his hands in surrender before trudging over to the shower cubicle. The shower turned out to be a good idea. As soon as the hot stream of water hit his shoulders, Dean felt weeks of tension leave his body. He stood there for several long minutes letting it wash over him and watching the small rivulets of water trickle down the showers glass door. He must have lost track of time because Benny was soon knocking on the door telling him to hurry up.

“I thought you were trying to drown yourself in there,” Benny said when Dean emerged fully clothed with puff of steam a minute later.

“Sorry.”

Benny waved it off and a few more minutes later they stepped out into the new year sunshine.               

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Benny said, as they waited in line at the only coffee shop that was open. “But I’m always happy to listen.”

“Thanks,” Dean said. “I just screwed up and I don’t know how to fix it yet.”

There was a break into the conversation as they ordered drinks and made their way out onto the soft Academy lawn, overlooking the bay.

Benny took a sip of his coffee. “You’ll fix it,” he said with certainty. “You and Cas and whatever happened… you’ll fix it. Anyone can see how crazy you are about each other.”

“But his family,” Dean pointed out. “They’re so… he’s so different. I don’t know if I’ll fit in with that. It’s just… it’s so messed up, man.”

“If he’s worth it, which I suspect he is, you’ll find a way to make things work. I know you, Dean,” Benny said.

“You’ve known me for a year.”

“I know you enough then,” Benny said. “You’re not one to give up on things. And neither is Castiel. You may have to give it time, but have a little faith.”

“I’m finding that a bit hard right now,” Dean said, glumly. “But thank you.”

“Welcome.”

“And thanks for this coffee. It really was exactly what I needed, I think.”

Benny laughed. “Coffee fixes many things, my friend.”

“Truer words never spoken,” Dean said and he smiled.

“Dean!” Someone shouted his name from across the lawn. Dean and Benny both looked up at the figure who was running towards them.

“Who’s that?” Benny asked.

“I don’t know,” Dean said, frowning.

“Dean!”

“I think…” Dean stood up in confusion. “Dad?”

“Dean!” John yelled, all too reminiscent of Dean’s nightmares. He was only several feet away now and Dean could make out the look of terror on his face.

“Dad what is it? What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you-”

“Dean, it’s Azazel. He’s back.”


	33. Chapter 33

_ Thirty-Three _

“What?” Dean exclaimed, staring at John. He mind reeled back to the first conversation he’d had with his father the previous year. “But you said... you said he was gone.”

“I know,” John said between heavy breaths. “I thought... but he must have survived. I don’t know how... but he did...”

“Who the hell is Azazel?” Benny asked, standing up beside father and son.

“He’s basically the maniac who killed my mother and is now back in town,” Dean said in a rush. Benny whitened in shock. “Dad, what do you mean he’s back?”

“He came to Lawrence.”

“What! Is everyone-”

“Everyone is fine,” John said. “He said he was coming after you. I got the shuttle here. I didn’t think I’d make it.”

“He’s coming here then.”

“Yes.”

“What about Sam?” Dean asked, immediately concerned. “Is he…?”

“Sam’s still in Kansas City,” John replied. “Azazel doesn’t know.”

“Good,” Dean said.

Dean looked around. The area around the Academy lawns was mostly empty, but several people were walking around and relaxing on the soft grass. Clearly, just like Dean and Benny, they had intended to enjoy the weak winter sunlight before classes resumed in a few weeks.

“We need to get people away from here,” Benny said, reading Dean’s mind. “If what you say is true, they could all be in danger.”

“I know,” Dean said, refusing to let panic creep into his voice. Azazel had killed his mother and now he was back.

“I’ll clear the area as best I can,” Benny said. “And then get help.”

“Thanks,” Dean said and John nodded as Benny ran off down the lawn towards the larger groups of people.

Dean spun to face two nearby cadets. “You need to get out of here,” he told them, his voice a few octaves higher than usual.

The tall dark skinned man, raised one eyebrow at Dean. His shorter, purple haired companion actually stepped back. “What?” she asked.

“Please just get out of here,” Dean said.

“You can’t tell us what to do.”

“Cleo...” The tall man, placed a hand on his companion’s shoulder. He was looking over Dean’s head to where John was standing, looking positively wild with terror. “Maybe we should head back to the library.”

The purple haired Cleo followed his gaze and nodded. “Yeah...”

Dean slumped in relief. “Tell everyone you see. Just stay away from here for a while.”

“Sure man.”

The pair had only just disappeared from sight when there was a flash as someone transported right behind Dean. There was no one else it could have been. Azazel. He and John turned together to face him. Like all Romulan’s, Azazel had pointed ears and eyebrows. But his face was hardened and dirty. His clothes hung limply on his thin body; the large coat looking almost too big for him. But none of that mattered, because he was grinning evilly as he approached them, stopping about five feet away.

“Father and son together again. Isn’t that sweet.”

“Azazel,” John growled.

“Good to see you again so soon, John,” Azazel said.

“Wish I could say the same.”

Azazel turned his gaze to Dean. “And how are you, Dean? You’ve certainly grown up into a nice young man. It’s a shame young Sammy couldn’t be here too.”

“Fuck off,” Dean and John said together. Azazel just grinned again and pulled a phaser out of his coat pocket. He didn’t point it at anyone, just held it in his hand; a threat.

Dean flinched. But John pulled his own phaser out of his own jacket pocket.

“You think I wouldn’t be prepared?” John asked the Romulan.

“Not at all.” And Azazel brought the phaser up and pointed it at John’s chest. This time John flinched; his own phaser still hung by his side. As soon as he even thought to bring it up, Azazel would shoot him.

“Before we do this, I want a few questions answered,” Dean said. His mind was bringing up everything he knew about Romulan’s. They weren’t any stronger than humans, physically, and were easily moved to strong emotions. The exact opposite of Vulcans. If he could keep Azazel talking and calm, maybe Benny would return with help before anything happened.

Azazel narrowed his eyes as though he knew what Dean was thinking and planning, but he shrugged. “What do you want to know?”

“How did you survive?” Dean asked immediately. “I was told you were killed.”

“You transported off the base, didn’t you?” John said, a defeated tone in his voice. “I thought I had you trapped there, but you were able to leave before I blew it up.”

“Right in one,” Azazel grinned. He casually flipped the portable transporter device in his left hand (the right still held the phaser, pointed steadily at John’s chest). “Did you really think you’d defeat me that easily?”

“I had hoped,” John said tightly.

“And it’s not as if it was hard to find you again,” Azazel said. “I always knew you’d run back to your little family if you could.”

“What took you so long then?” John spat. Dean could practically feel his father shaking with fury beside him. “Did you just wait around to see me become happy again before trying to take it all away? Like some sort of sick torture?”

“No actually; that was just an added bonus,” admitted Azazel. “My transporter had a few foibles that kept me at bay.”

Dean’s memory flashed and he remembered a news article about odd transporter signals. Starfleet were monitoring them. “Everyone knows you’re here anyway,” Dean said quickly. He hoped Benny had been able to alert someone. God, he hoped. “You’ll be in custody before long. It’s over.”

Azazel grinned and looked around theatrically. “I see no officers coming to arrest me. Besides, it won’t take me long to kill you both.” The hand holding the phaser twitched.

John moved forward slightly, stepping in front of Dean to shield him and Dean felt a pang of emotion towards his father. “I don’t want there to be any killing today,” John said.

“It’s a shame no one cares what you want,” Azazel spat, his voice thick with malevolence. “You’ve already tried to kill me once, you don’t get to decide that now.”

“Dean I want you to run,” John whispered, as he stepped again positioning himself directly between Dean and Azazel. “I want you to get out of here. I want you to be safe.”

“I’m not leaving you,” Dean hissed back.

“Please,” John said, his voice low and pleading.

“Whatever you are plotting there, it won’t work,” Azazel said. “And neither will protecting your son, John. You couldn’t even protect your wife; you will fail again.”

John trembled with anger at Azazel words. “Go Dean. Run.”

Dean’s breath caught in his throat and his body froze. John had shouted similar words at him the last time Azazel had impacted their life. When Dean was too young to fully understand; when his mother had died.

“RUN!” John twisted an arm around and knocked it into Dean’s shoulder, pushing him away.

Startled into movement, Dean tripped over his feet and fell into an uneven run. And then he was sprinting away, making for the cover of a nearby building. He made it halfway when Azazel’s jeering laughter made him stop and turn around.

“For justice and Romulus!”

 As Dean watched in horror, Azazel fired his phaser. The red beam of light hit John squarely in the chest.

“NO!” The word ripped out of Dean, tearing at his throat. “Dad, no...”

John seemed to crumple. His eyes locked with Dean’s for a fraction of a second before he fell to the ground and was still. Dean was suddenly running back towards him; he fell down next to his father’s body. “No, no, no…” the words spilled from his lips in shock. And then he felt nothing. A calm, disbelieving numbness spread through him.

“Pity.”

Dean looked up at Azazel, who stared down at him still grinning manically. He still held his phaser and Dean knew he only had moments left to live. But he _couldn’t_. Dean couldn’t give in. He couldn’t die and leave Sam alone. He couldn’t die without making his dad proud of him; without fixing things with Castiel; without saying goodbye to all his friends, old and new. He just couldn’t.

With those thoughts setting him ablaze with fury, Dean moved lightening quick, catching Azazel off-guard as he knocked the phaser from his hand. It spun away, landing yards away in the perfectly manicured Academy lawns.

“You…” Azazel began, his voice an annoyed growl. He started walking backwards towards his weapon, but Dean leapt forward and threw a low punch into the Romulan’s stomach. Azazel doubled over.

“Fight me properly,” Dean yelled the challenge. Azazel looked up at him through his matted hair and their eyes met.

“If that’s how you want to die, so be it.”

They fought with their fists, then. Dean drew on everything he had learnt from his lessons with Crowley and Pamela, ducking and twisting as he tried to avoid Azazel’s punches while simultaneously land his own. Dean swung at him and missed and the Romulan rewarded him with a swift punch to the face. The world spun, wetness spurted down his cheek and Dean knew his eyebrow had been split. Wiping the blood away, Dean stumbled backwards looking at Azazel through blurred vision. His opponent advanced on him, looking smug.

Azazel was upon him a moment later, landing wild punches to his chest and then again to his face. The world spun and Dean fell to the ground. This was it. There was a distant sound of sirens, but Dean knew they wouldn’t make it in time to be of any use.

Another blow landed on his cheek and Dean felt something crack as his lip was split. He lay on the ground, his dead father barely inches away. Azazel began kicking him now, seemingly enjoying the pain he was inflicting. Dean couldn’t stop the screams that were forced from him and he tried to move away; his hands grasping desperately at the blades of grass. Suddenly, his flailing fingers brushed against something hard. Deep down, under the pain, Dean felt a jolt of excitement. He crawled forward a few more inches and his fingers touched the smooth metal of his father’s dropped phaser. He gripped it tightly and sat up. Azazel boot collided with his hip, but Dean ignored the agony it brought. He turned to the Romulan and pointed the phaser directly at his heart.

“Go to hell!”

“Been there, done that,” Azazel said mildly, seemingly undeterred.

“It’s time for another visit then. A permanent one,” Dean said and he fired the phaser.

Azazel’s body hit the ground with a solid thud and moved no more.

Suddenly exhausted, Dean fell back onto the grass with a groan. It was over. The adrenaline that had been keeping him conscious and fighting left in a rush. His head felt like it had been split open and he could feel blood trickling uncomfortably down his cheek. Dean blinked against the bright blue sky and it blurred as tears formed in his eyes. The sirens were getting louder and somewhere to his left he could hear people talking and shouting in panicked voices. It was over. Taking a deep breath that sent spasms of pain shooting across his ribs, Dean closed his eyes and let the blackness take him.


	34. Chapter 34

_ Thirty-Four _

Something was beeping.

It was monotonous and began to annoy Dean the moment he became aware of it. His first thought was that the lock on his dorm room door had broken. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he made a mental note to have it looked into. It was a few minutes, or quite possible a few hours, later when Dean realised he wasn’t in his dorm room. The bed he was lying on was harder and less comfortable than what he was accustomed to. Then he heard the murmuring of voices.

“-brain activity has just spiked.”

“So that means he’s okay, right?”

Dean knew that voice. He’d recognise it even after decades of separation. It was burned into the back of his mind and would never leave him. Sam. With some effort, he opened his eyes. And then immediately closed them against the burning white light of Starfleet Medical.

“Dean!”

Dean said something about how fucking bright the light was, but he suspected it came out as an incoherent moan. Instead he lifted a hand and waved it experimentally.

“What’s he doing?” Sam’s voice was full of concern.

“It’s a signal to tell you not to worry,” Dean said weakly. His throat felt like someone had coated it with saw dust.

“Here,” a female voice said and Dean felt a glass being pressed into his hand.

“Thanks Anna,” Sam said and he helped his brother hold the glass up to drink.

Dean once again attempted to open his eyes, this time shielding them with his hand. Sam’s face came into focus first, looking as worried as he had sounded. Blinking slowly, Dean let out another groan. His body felt weak, but mostly, he suspected, due to the lack of use.

“Dean?”

Dean looked up at Sam with a sombre expression. “I know...” he trailed off, before forcing his face into a perky grin. “I look fantastic, huh?”

Sam was startled into a laugh and Dean relaxed into a genuine smile. He could still make his Sammy laugh. The door to the room whooshed open and then closed and Dean thought he glimpsed a figure leaving. He frowned inwardly.

Then the memory of his fight with Azazel returned to him so suddenly it was probably a good thing he was already lying down. He remembered firing the shot that had brought the other man down.

“Azazel?” he croaked.

“He’s dead,” Sam said.                                                    

Dean recoiled from the words. He’d thought maybe the phaser had been on ‘stun’. But apparently it hadn’t. He’d killed someone. Dean had killed Azazel. That thought alone shook him to the very core. He’d killed someone. Sure, that someone was terrible, but he’d still done it. Azazel had...

“And Dad..? Is he?” Dean said, his voice breaking.              

“Yeah,” Sam said softly.

Dean turned away, the pain growing in his chest. His father was dead. Even though he’d been absent for most of Dean’s life and even though he’d argued with Dean about so many things, Dean still felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Maybe it was because he’d known for so many years that his father was still possibly out there; that there was still a chance he was alive. Maybe knowing for sure that he was gone was what caused him most pain.

Sam sniffled beside him. He’d known John even shorter than Dean had, but it was no easier for him losing a father he’d only just begun to know.

“So, uhm, how long have I been out?” Dean asked, scrubbing a hand over his face and pushing his feelings about his father down. He and Sam would get the chance to talk things over later.

“Three days,” Anna said. She smiled kindly at Dean, purposely ignoring the grief he and Sam shared.

“What?” Dean said, surprised. “Three days?”

“We’ve been kinda worried,” Sam said. His tone suggested this was the understatement of the century.

“What happened to me?” Dean asked. “I remember Azazel and... I fell. He… My head...” he trailed off and ran a hand tentatively over a tender spot.

“You were severely concussed,” Anna said. “Broken rib, abrasions, internal bleeding.”

“On the plus side, you’ve been out of the media attention for some time,” Sam said.

“Media?”

“Dude, really?” Sam raised an eyebrow. “You were attacked on Academy grounds and then you killed a crazed Romulan.”

“The media were all over it like vultures,” Anna said.

“I’ve been staying here with you,” Sam said. “But they managed to seek out Charlie. I think someone knew her as a friend of yours.”

“I believe she told them to go fuck themselves,” Anna said, a hint of pride in her voice.

Dean snorted. “That’s my girl.”

Sam smiled. He purposely didn’t mention the fact that Dick Roman had given an interview to one of the news companies, saying things that didn’t exactly put his brother in the best of lights.

“What about Cas?” Dean said, voice full of concern. “I-” he stopped himself, remembering that he and Castiel hadn’t spoken in weeks. Dean’s chest seemed to concave.

“He’s fine,” Anna said. “Not many people knew about him being your boyfriend, so he hasn’t been hounded.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Dean said, voice hollow.

Anna and Sam both seemed to ignore this. “He visited you,” Sam said.

“He’s hardly left your side, actually.” Anna said.

“He left though,” Dean said, recalling the figure he’d glimpsed leaving before. “Just when I woke up he left, didn’t he?”

They didn’t deny it.

“Your vitals are looking good,” Anna said, after a moment of awkward silence. She looked up at the biobed display and then back at the medical tricorder she held. “Brain activity, blood works, breathing: they’re all looked close to normal.”

“So I can leave soon?” Dean asked. “These things aren’t the comfiest.”

Sam gave him a look that suggested he was stupid. “You’ve just woken up, Dean.”

“We will have to keep you here for another couple of days,” Anna said regretfully. “Just for observations. You were pretty badly injured.”

“You need rest,” Sam added.

“I’ve been out for three days,” Dean said, annoyed. “I really don’t think rest is an issue.”

Sam turned to Anna. “He always gets grumpy when he hasn’t had enough sleep.”

Dean momentarily felt like getting up and hitting his brother in the shoulder. But he felt a wave of exhaustion pass over him and sleep suddenly felt like the best cause of action. “Well, maybe I need a little,” he admitted less than graciously.

Anna produced a hypo at this. “It’s for a dreamless sleep,” she said.

Dean said nothing. He would have been too afraid to ask for it, but a dreamless sleep was what he wanted. He could still see the sight of Azazel’s body falling and landing not far from his father’s motionless form. Dean simply tilted his head and exposed his neck for the hypo.

“I told you, you needed rest,” Sam said.

“Bitch,” Dean murmured, closing his eyes once more.

“Jerk.”

Dean was asleep moments later, a small smile tugging his lips.

* ~XX~ *

Two days later, little had changed. Ellen and Jo had arrived in San Francisco to see him and the two of them, together with Sam had hardly left his side. Unsurprisingly, Ellen had been both furious and happy to see Dean; reprimanding him for being stupid and also being thankful that he was still alive. They spoke only a little about John; small mentions of his finer qualities and expressions of regret that he hadn’t had the chance to know his adult sons. The small talk suited Dean.

Starfleet Medical seemed to always be bright, regardless of the weather outside. When night fell, the lights in his room dimmed only slightly. Dean woke on the morning of his third day in medbay and turned to see Sam still sleeping in the chair beside him, his large form curled up in a way that looked uncomfortable. Dean pulled a face. The previous night, he clearly remembered telling Sam to leave, that he would fine, and that he didn’t need babysitting. It appeared Sam had ignored him. Dean reached for the cup of water that had been placed beside him, but fumbled with it and sent both water and cup cascading down onto the floor.

“Shit.”

Sam woke with a start. “Dean?”

“I’m fine,” Dean said. “I just wanted some water and I...”

“Here,” Sam said, unfurling himself. He handed Dean another cup before cleaning up the mess as best he could.

“Thanks,” Dean said, feeling pathetic at not being able to complete such a basic task. “Also, didn’t I tell you to get out of here last night?”

“Uh,” Sam began, but was saved when the door opened and Anna entered.

“There’s someone here to see you,” she said, a coy smile tugging at her lips.

“Who?” Dean asked before Anna stepped aside to reveal her cousin.

“I’ll leave you two alone,” she said and departed. “Coming Sam?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, scrambling to his feet. “I’ll just... yeah...”

The door closed behind them, leaving Castiel standing at the end of Dean’s bed.

“I’m sorry about your father, Dean,” Castiel said after a moment.

“I... yeah, me too,” Dean said. He turned away, thankful that tears did not form in his eyes this time. He and Sam had talked only yesterday and afterwards, when he was alone again, Dean had cried so hard he could barely breathe. He cried for the father he had barely known and for all the resentment that John had only just apologised for. And if Anna had heard the sobs that wracked his body or noticed his puffy, red-rimmed eyes, she didn’t say a word. Now though, Dean was too exhausted for tears. “Thanks,” he added, glancing quickly up at Castiel and looking quickly away.

The half-Vulcan shifted slightly.

“You came back,” Dean said when he could tolerate the silence no longer.

“Pardon?”

“I saw you leaving when I first woke up.”

“I had to...”

“Don’t worry about it,” Dean said before Castiel could make up a poor excuse. Silence fell and Castiel awkwardly shuffled over to Sam’s vacated seat and sat down, his eyes focusing on his hands as though they were a fascinating book.

Up close, Dean could tell that Castiel hadn’t slept in days. His normally neat hair stood out on ends as though he’d been pulling on it and the dark bags under his eyes were horrifyingly obvious against his pale skin. Light stubble graced his smooth skin and Dean felt his heart ache at the dishevelled site. The half-Vulcan looked as torn up as Dean felt, and guilt suddenly swamped him. He did this. He was the reason Castiel looked so broken.

“Cas...”

“I was coming to see you,” Castiel said quietly. “Just after that fight with Azazel. I saw you. Unconscious.”

Dean swallowed thickly. He hadn’t seen himself for days, but his face felt tender from repeated dermal regenerations and he knew it must have originally looked bad. He could hardly imagine what it must have been like for Castiel, seeing him lying there with blood blossoming from various cuts. “I’m so sorry.”

Castiel nodded, his eyes not moving from his hands. He looked more subdued than Dean had ever seen and silence fell between them, thick as though the air in the room had been switched for something heavier. Unable to help himself, Dean shifted in his bed and stretched out to hold one of Castiel’s hands. Even from the odd angle, Dean could see the other man’s eyes widen. He looked up and his lips twitched.

“I really am sorry,” Dean said, his voice breaking. “For everything.”

Castiel moved the chair closed to the bed, so Dean wasn’t leant over awkwardly. “Don’t,” he said. “You don’t have to. I’m just glad you’re-”

“But I need to,” Dean protested. “I completely overreacted back in Lawrence. It was such a stupid argument! My dad he just... he makes... he _made_ me feel all these things and everything he said - it made me questions things between us. And I got so angry. I just snapped.”

“I thought it was well founded,” Castiel replied steadily. “You did what anyone would have done. I should have made myself clearer. You know I’m not always good at expressing myself.”

“I know. But I didn’t even give you a chance to explain!”

“Then let me now,” Castiel said, his thumb making soft circles against Dean’s palm. “I told my family about us. The day after Christmas.”

“What?”

Castiel nodded. “As I had expected, they did not react positively towards the news.”

“What happened?”

“They kicked me out,” Castiel said simply. “Father said I had brought shame upon the family name. I don’t think he will continue searching for a mate for me.”

“Cas, I’m sorry,” Dean said.

“Don’t be,” Castiel said, squeezing Dean’s hand. “I should have told them earlier.”

“So, you’re not going to leave me for a Vulcan bride?” Dean asked, his voice trembling ever so slightly. Inside he felt a multitude of emotion.

“I am not leaving you, Dean.”

“Not even-”

“Not even,” Castiel murmured.  

“What about Pon Farr?” Dean asked.

“There are ways around it,” Castiel said. “Anna directed me to a Vulcan medical guide that suggests intensive meditation will be of use. Comparative Alien Physiology by Doctor Leonard McCoy. I am told the author had personal experience with a half-Vulcan like me. In the event on Pon Farr, I can attempt that.”

Dean smiled. “It sounds like you have it sorted,” he said.

“I had a lot of time to think and research it,” Castiel admitted and Dean ducked his head somewhat guiltily. “For which, I am grateful,” the half-Vulcan added. He leant forward and gently, he lifted Dean’s chin. Their eyes met for one shining moment before Castiel closed the distance between them and pressed hesitant lips to Dean’s mouth.

Dean responded with enthusiasm, pulling Castiel down onto the biobed and kissing him hard as though he would never get the chance again. Castiel was moving caressing hands up and down Dean’s body, intent on checking every inch of him for injury when a loud beeping startled them. Pausing in his ministrations, Castiel glanced up at the readout, brow furrowed. A second later, the door opened and Anna and Sam rushed in, looks of panic on their faces.

“What-” Sam began, but then stopped himself abruptly when he saw his brother and Castiel’s compromising position.

“Uh...” Dean said, turning crimson as Castiel gently removed himself from the bed to stand awkwardly beside it. “We were just...”

“We got it,” Sam said, with an exasperated sigh.

“Perhaps next time, restrain yourselves until you’re no longer attached to a biobed,” Anna advised in a weary tone which suggested she had to deal with issues like this on a near-daily basis.

“Yes Anna,” Castiel said sombrely. But he caught Dean’s eye and had to purse his lips together to keep from smiling.


	35. Chapter 35

_ Thirty-Five _

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again!” Charlie said, glaring down at Dean propped up in the biobed. Dean paused in eating and gave her a guilty look.

“I’m sorry Charlie,” Dean said.

“Good!” Charlie retorted. Her small frame was rigid, with worry radiating her every fibre. She was clearly freaked out and Dean’s heart ached.

“Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to worry you,” Dean said, putting his food to one side. “Come here.” He opened his arms slightly and Charlie practically threw herself at him.

“I thought you were dead!” she said, sobbing. “I’d only just got back into town and all I heard was these reports of a fight and that someone had been killed and then… then there was footage of you on the news and...”

Dean hushed her. “I’m okay, Charlie.” He pushed her away gently and brushed away a tear. “Don’t go getting all soft on me now, okay.”

Charlie gave a watery chuckle. “I’m not soft.”

“I know,” Dean said. “I heard about the reporters. I’m sorry they harassed you.”

“I’m sorry you missed me giving them a verbal beating,” Charlie said.

“I was told it was impressive,” Dean assured her.

Charlie smiled at him for a long moment. “I love you.”

“I know,” Dean said, giving her hand a squeeze.

“So you and Cas sort things out?”

“Yeah,” Dean said, a smile automatically forming on his face. “We’re good. Next time we fight though, can you just remind me to put myself in a life-threatening situation? It seems to get the ball rolling in terms of apologising and forgiveness.”

“Don’t even joke about that!” Charlie said and she hit him softly on the shoulder in reprimand.

“Sorry,” Dean shifted guiltily. “Too soon?”

Charlie nodded. “I’m glad though,” she said, sitting down in the chair beside the biobed. “Glad that you’re okay and that you two are okay and, hey, we finished our first year of Starfleet!”

“Dude, that feels like years ago,” Dean admitted, with a tiny unbelieving shake of his head.

“A lot’s happened since final exams,” Charlie said.

“That’s putting it mildly.”

They sat in comfortable silence, Charlie obviously glad for the simple pleasure of Dean’s company. “You’re kinda being hailed a hero, you know,” she said after a while.

“What?”

“Honest,” Charlie said. “You fought off and killed a guy hell-bent on causing destruction. The media’s been all over it. I’m surprised you haven’t heard already.”

Dean, who hadn’t bothered checking the news PADD Anna had left him for fear of what it might contain, shook his head slightly. “I’m not a hero,” he said. “That’s bullshit.”

“They’re still calling you that,” she said. “And I think it’s true, you know. I can’t bear to think about what would have happened if you hadn’t stopped him.”

“Then don’t think about it,” Dean said, a little too harshly. “Sorry,” he added and shifted uncomfortably. “I killed a guy. I don’t want to be famous for that.” It came out as a whisper.

“Oh... oh sweetie, of course you don’t,” Charlie said. “This will pass. I promise you, it will.”

But Dean wasn’t so sure. He could remember with perfect clarity how people had reacted upon hearing his name during his very first week at the Academy. It had been years since Mary’s death and John’s revenge but people still remembered it years later. Would that be the same for him?

“Wanna know how I know?” Charlie continued, cutting off his thoughts.

“How?”

“Because you’re going to do so many amazing things in your life that this will just get buried beneath it all,” she said simply. “You’re gonna graduate from here after passing every subject with flying colours and then you’re gonna get assigned to a starship and you’ll work your way up the ranks to Chief Engineer and spend years exploring the universe, making a name for yourself and the ship you look after.”

Dean didn’t know when he had started crying, but he could feel the tears now as they trickled down his face. “C’mere,” he said wetly and he pulled the small woman into a fierce hug. “You’re awesome, you know that?”

“It’s been mentioned to me a few times,” Charlie said. And Dean had to laugh.

~ *XX* ~

Three days later when Dean was scheduled to be released from Starfleet Medical, the door to his room opened and in walked Bobby, Ellen, and Sam. At first Dean thought they’d all simply arrived to see him out of medical, but the grim looks on their faces told a different story.

“What’s up?” Dean asked, a feeling of dread already pooling in his gut.

“This is what’s up,” Bobby said gruffly, switching the ancient holovid to the 24/7 news channel.

_“...in a surprise return, star baseball player Sardore Polanti has revealed he will be playing in the semi-final later this week. He also gave a statement that...”_

“Baseball?” Dean said, confused.

“Ah, balls,” Bobby said.

“Turn that bloody thing off, Singer,” Ellen said. “It’s better if it comes from us.”

“It was supposed to be about Azazel,” Bobby said, turning away from the holovid with a look of disgust. “Timing on these things is never right...”

“What about him?” Dean asked. His voice was steady, but a tumult of emotions had risen up inside him at the mention of the Romulan’s name.

“New information has come out about him,” Sam said. “The news has been all over it... mostly.”

“What new info?”

Bobby took a deep breath. “It wasn’t all random like John thought it was. Azazel was targeting Mary from the beginning.”

“What?”

“The media vultures have been digging around ever since the attack last week. The Academy was put under scrutiny and there’s been call for heightening security and anyway, they found out that Mary and Azazel went to the Academy together way back.”

“You’re kidding!” Dean burst out, annoyed at himself for not paying more attention to recent news.

“Sorry kid,” Bobby continued. “Romulans have been allowed to attend the Academy for decades now, but most choose not to, there’s too much bad blood between the Federation and the Romulan Star Empire. But to try and make amends after the wars, a motion was passed to include them. Azazel was in the first ten or so to attend, but he was never after peace or making amends even from a young age. Nothing was ever pinned on him, but complaints were filed on multiple occasions. It seemed Azazel was keen on keeping with the Romulan tradition of being xenophobic and hostile. And he took an instant dislike to your mother.”

“Why? They wouldn’t have known each other,” Dean said.

“Mary was bright, but came from a small, unknown family in Lawrence. Azazel didn’t think she was worthy to attend the Academy. Their relationship was not unlike yours with Mr Rolston. And similarly, she was arguably responsible for Azazel being expelled.”

Dean could feel his heart hammering in his chest and he pieced it all together. “It was revenge?” he finally whispered. “He went after our mother because he blamed her for his expulsion?”

“He did,” Ellen said.

“It was supposed to end there, though,” Bobby said. “According to Azazel they would have been even. He had been expelled and Mary was dead. An eye for an eye, he would have thought. But John went after him.”

“And failed to kill him,” Ellen added. “So to exact revenge on this attempt on his life, he went after John and his family. You just got caught up in it and well... you know what happened from then on.”

Silence fell between them and Dean looked over to Sam, who had remained quiet throughout this exchange. His younger brother’s forehead was wrinkled in deep thought and his eyes were overbright. “Sam?”

“I’m okay,” Sam said, automatically. “I just...” he turned to Bobby. “How did you find this all out?”

Bobby shrugged. “There’s been a week of investigation,” he said. “You’d be surprised how much we can find out when there’s been an attack on Academy grounds and we have a pack of media on our backs. And that’s not even mentioning the uproar from the government. Academy records were searched and a scout found a cave out near Old Santa Cruz where Azazel had been camping out. It was pieced together from there. And of course, this puts great pressure on the entire Federation. A Romulan attack, however rogue, is a big deal. I’m due to meet with the Superintendent later today and Federation heads are meeting in the capital tomorrow. A delegation from Romulus will arrive on the weekend and the media are already speculating war.”

“War?” Sam and Dean said together.

“It’s an overreaction,” Bobby said, reassuringly. “The chances are low, but you know how reporters are.”

“I never thought it would go that far,” Dean said, feeling oddly guilty even though he knew, logically, it wasn’t his fault.

“Speaking of reporters, though,” Ellen said. “We’re here to escort you back to your dorm. There’s been a mob outside Academy medical for the past day, eager for any photos or comments. Officials have been able to hold them off for a while and we should be able to slip you our unnoticed.”

“I’ll be right back at my dorm?”

“The dorms are off limits to anyone outside the Academy,” Bobby said. “But I can’t promise anything outside the main gate.”

“Plus we get assigned new rooms as second year cadets,” Sam reminded him. “You won’t be there for long and they’re hoping to keep your new dorm location a secret so you’re not bothered.”

“Oh… yeah,” Dean said and his thoughts turned to Castiel immediately. 


	36. Chapter 36

_ Thirty-Six _

Castiel was waiting for Dean inside their dorm room. As soon as the door whooshed closed and they were alone, Dean leaned into Castiel.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said. “How are you feeling?”

“Better,” Dean said simply, because he couldn’t put all his thoughts into words right now. He withdrew from Castiel a moment to throw his bag over in the direction of his bed.

“I’m glad you’re better,” Castiel said and then, when he could wait no longer, he pulled Dean back in for a kiss. Dean practically melted against him. Everything Bobby and Ellen had told him and Sam seemed to float out of his mind.

“I’ve missed you,” Dean murmured against Castiel’s pale skin. “I’ve missed this.”

“Me too,” Castiel replied, trailing kisses along Dean’s jawline and down his neck. “I was so worried about you,” he continued between kisses. “I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to kiss you again.”

It was the most emotional Dean had ever heard Castiel sound and it broke something inside him. “I’m so sorry, Cas,” he said, his voice hitching.

“Don’t,” Castiel said, his voice soft and free of anger. “I’m just glad you’re here.”

Dean hummed his accord, a noise that turned into a moan as Castiel began sucking on his neck. “Mmm…” Dean tilted his head back. “Yeah, I definitely missed this.”

Castiel sighed and pulled back, fixing Dean with a look of regret. “Anna said I wasn’t to exhaust you too much. You’re still recovering and you need rest.”

“I’ve been lying in bed doing nothing for a week, Cas. I’m plenty rested.” But Dean’s words were met with a stern gaze.

“Dean…”

“C’mon, Cas,” Dean pouted. He pulled their bodies closer together and shifted his hips. “I’ve _missed_ you.”

Castiel’s eyes fluttered closed as Dean moved against him again. “That’s not fair, Dean,” he rasped.

“It’s not fair for you to withhold things from me,” Dean said cheekily. “From us…”

“You’re still recovering. You… you still need…” But Dean’s hands slid down to rest upon his narrow hips and the rest of his excuse was lost.

“Does it feel like I need more recovering?” Dean asked, pressing into Castiel until he was sure the other man could feel his arousal.

“Not particularly,” Castiel admitted.

“Then we’re agreed,” Dean said, grinning as he captured Castiel’s mouth with his again. This time, Castiel didn’t protest and they allowed themselves to give in. And this time, there was no biobed and no Anna and Sam to burst in on them.

Castiel guided Dean gently back onto the bed and not for a second did they stop kissing. Dean felt like years of passion and emotion were washing over him through Castiel. As though Castiel had bottled up every emotion and was finally letting it out. He held onto Dean so tightly, afraid of letting him go again. And Dean just clung on to him.

Clothes were discarded at some point, but Dean only noticed when Castiel paused to talk, his voice coming out even deeper than usual. “Dean, I…”

“What?” Dean said quickly, hearing the hesitation in his voice.

“Would you meld with me?”

“I thought that’s what we had planned,” Dean quipped, rolling his hips and drawing a small gasp from Castiel.

“No, I meant meld as in mind meld.”

“Vulcan mind-meld?” Dean asked. “The joining of two minds, and the sharing of thoughts… memories and emotions?”

Castiel nodded. “I just… I feel so strongly at this time and I wish for you to experience it too.”

“Of course,” Dean said instantly.

“You will?”

Dean kissed Castiel tenderly. “Of course I will. Just, tell me what to do.”

“It will probably tire you more, I…”

“Have you not already established that I am fit and rested enough?” Dean cut him off. “Please, Cas, I want this if you do.”

Castiel nodded again and took Dean’s head in his hands, the tips of his fingers resting on Dean’s temple. Dean watched as Castiel closed his eyes and began to move his lips, silently speaking words in a language Dean didn’t recognise. A moment later, he felt it. Dean closed his eyes and let it flow through him, taking in the emotions. 

At first Dean just felt his own emotions, strongly reflected as though they bounced around his body through mirrors: his joy and relief at being alive and here in Castiel’s arms and beyond that, the anger and confusion of his confrontation with Azazel and the knowledge that it had not been a random attack. But stronger than that now was the deep pull of arousal, longing for release.

And then something in him exploded, a myriad of light and memory that was not his. It blinded him with its intensity, a sudden gush of sensation long held back by a wall of steel. 

Images of himself began flickering before him, all from Castiel’s point of view. Dean in his cadet’s uniform, Dean glistening with sweat after a defence workout; Dean bending over; Dean fresh from the shower cubicle wearing only a towel; the two of them in the Impala; Dean naked and writhing; Dean gasping in pleasure, begging for more, begging for it to never stop.

And the feelings that accompanied these images were almost more than Dean could bear. The desire and confusion and finally the release and pleasure; feeling like everything in the universe had aligned, centring at the two of them.

And then Castiel kissed him. Dean felt it, his lips tingling with the electricity. He kissed back. The taste and feel of Castiel’s lips grounded him in a profound way; keeping him from floating away and becoming lost forever in Castiel’s blinding cacophony of thoughts and feelings.

Castiel had felt so much and held so much of it back for so long. The knowledge that Castiel had shared this with him, with _only_ him, was enough to make Dean feel like he would shatter into pure bliss. Tears poured freely down his face. Castiel had shared all this with Dean willingly; he wanted Dean to know how he truly felt. And Dean had no more doubts; could no longer hesitate, because Castiel loved him and he knew that he loved Castiel too.

That knowledge was all he needed. He felt like anything was possible. As long as he and Castiel were together, everything would be perfect. Forever. And with that, Dean felt his mind open. Somewhere, far off in the distant, he heard Castiel moan as a swirling array of colour and emotion and memory were released into his mind.

~ *XX* ~

When Dean opened his eyes next, Castiel lay beside him on the bed. “Hey you,” Dean said.

“Hello Dean,” Castiel said. “How do you feel?”

Dean didn’t answer at once. He was feeling too many things at once to reply quickly. The emotions from the meld still vibrated though him, like earthquake aftershocks. He must have come at some point during the meld, because his stomach was covered in the sticky white fluid. And glancing over, he saw Castiel was in a similar state. The knowledge that they could have such an effect on each other, using only the power of their minds, made Dean suddenly incandescent with joy.

“I feel happy,” Dean said. “A little exhausted and raw… and kinda sticky, in a good way. But mostly happy,” he smiled at Castiel.

Castiel smiled back at him. “Don’t try getting up just yet. You will still be a bit dazed from the meld.”

“I don’t want to go anywhere,” Dean said, stretching to press a kiss to the corner of Castiel’s mouth.

“Me neither,” Castiel replied, capturing Dean’s lips in a proper kiss.

~ *XX* ~

A while later, after they’d fully recovered from the meld and after Castiel had showered (and after Dean had attempted to join him in the small cubicle – Castiel unceremoniously threw him out, saying that Anna would have his head if she found out and that Dean was meant to be resting for Heaven’s sake!), the two of them sat on Castiel’s bed half-watching an old episode of some fantasy television series.

“I’m going to miss this little room,” Dean said, looking around at what had been his home for the past year.

“It is full of many good memories,” Castiel agreed and the two shared a smile.

“Man, I hope we get rooms close together next year. It’s going to suck having to walk across campus just to see you.”

Castiel ducked his head with a smile, but said nothing.

“What?” Dean said.

“Come on,” Castiel said, standing up. “I’ve something to show you.”

Dean stood, his forehead creased into a frown. “What?” he repeated.

Castiel took him by the hand and led him to the door. He dropped Dean’s hand the moment they left the building, but gestured to him to follow.

“Where are we going, Cas?” Dean asked, unable to hide his curiosity.

“Our room,” Castiel said.

“But this isn’t...” Dean trailed off as comprehension dawned and he stared at Castiel. “You didn’t.”

“You know,” Castiel began, a tone of smugness in his voice “as second years we get bigger rooms. And, as one of _those_ Miltons...” He used the same phrase Dean had used when they first met. “I may have arranged for us to get one of the larger rooms that married couples usually get.”

Dean stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk, amazed by what he was hearing. “You didn’t!” And Castiel nodded, his eyes crinkling in a suppressed smile. “You mean we’ll have a King bed?”

“We will,” Castiel affirmed and Dean let out a whoop of joy.

The new rooms were indeed bigger than their current ones, hosting not only a king-sized bed, but also a larger desk, a lounge, and a bigger holovid screen. Dean walked to the window, which looked out over the bay.

“This is fantastic,” he said, eyes glowing.

“The bathroom is larger too,” Castiel said, a little slyly.

“The shower?”

“Much larger,” Castiel said. Dean walked back towards his lover, placing hands on the half-Vulcan’s hips.

“And when are we allowed to move in?” he said, his voice hot and deep and full of dirty promises.

“Technically, we can move in as soon as we please,” Castiel said. “Dean...”

Dean cut him off with a kiss, bringing their bodies together. “We should really christen this new room as soon as possible. What do you think? Bed or shower, first? Or maybe that sofa? It looks kinda comfy.” He waggled his eyebrows, suggestively.

“Oh gross! That is too much information,” a familiar voice said from the doorway. Dean jumped away from Castiel and they both turned to look at Gabriel.

“What are you all doing here?” Dean gaped, looking at Gabriel and then at the five others that stood behind him: Sam, Jessica, Anna, Charlie, and Benny.

“Well, we never got to properly celebrate the end of our first year together,” Charlie said.

“So we were going to invite the two of you out,” Gabriel said. “But if you two want to hump, that’s fine too.”

“Gee, thanks for that mental image,” Sam groaned. Gabriel grinned at him and Anna punched him lightly in the shoulder for it.

“Ignore them,” Charlie said. “You don’t have a choice. You’re both getting drinks with us. Gilda and Kevin are going to meet us there and I’m buying.”

The six people in their doorway grinned at them; Dean and Castiel shared a look.

“Oh stop making doe eyes at each other and come on, already!” Gabriel said.

 “Shut up Gabe,” Dean said, but smiled all the same. Then, with another look at Castiel that promised they’d return to their room later, Dean took Castiel’s hand and together they followed the others.

_The End_


	37. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it - the final chapter. I am still so amazed that I have finished this! I just want to thank everyone who has left kudos and comments - they always make me smile and have kept me writing over the years. And I'd love to hear your final thoughts now that this is finished. :)  
> Hope you're all having a good holiday season and thank you again - enigma_kar xx

_ Epilogue - Three And-A-Bit Years Later _

Dean straightens his red shirt and checks his appearance in the mirror one last time. The ship-wide announcement had echoed through their quarters only moments before, calling for the start of Alpha Shift.

“You look fine,” Castiel says, appearing behind Dean’s reflection in his own blue shirt. “Stop worrying.”

Dean turns and fixes Castiel with a look. It’s their first day of duty on board the _USS Edlund_ and her five-year mission to explore brave new worlds: Dean as an engineer and Castiel as an A &A officer.  It has taken four long years and they are currently ranked the lowest of the low, but they have made it.  

Their time at the Academy had passed in a blur after that first year. Dean began more in-depth studies in engineering, and yet still found time for regular trips to McLaughlin’s (which had been rebuilt during their second year). Gabriel still found ways to set up pranks in Dean and Castiel’s new dorm room, despite living across the other side of campus. Sam and Jessica invited them on double dates every few weeks, which Dean thought cheesy but secretly enjoyed.

Dean eventually got over his fear of flying, thanks to an emergency situation involving a mock away mission in his final year. He still disliked flying, but no longer felt the need to shut his eyes and hum Metallica. During their holiday breaks, Dean took Castiel back to Lawrence again and again, eventually teaching him to drive the Impala. Castiel had nearly crashed it, and then deemed the entire exercise illogical in this day and age. Dean had just laughed and pulled him into a kiss.

Charlie did end up convincing Dean to dance, to Walking On Sunshine no less. He wouldn’t admit it to her, but he’d never laughed so hard. There had been fewer trips to medical too, without Alistair-types picking on them. A fact Anna was thankful for.

He and Castiel had graduated top of their respective classes (as had Sam and Charlie, but Dean had never doubted those two). His graduation certificate had been awarded to him by none other than Scotty himself and Dean, who had finished the autobiography, had never been more honoured. Bobby had cried unashamedly, the tears dripping into his beard.

“They’d both be proud of you, son,” he had said. “Just as proud as I am.”

Benny had hugged Dean fiercely before they had left for the five-year mission and promised to kill him if he ever got himself hurt. They’d become as close as bothers during their time studying engineering and if Dean’s eyes had stung with tears at that, Benny hadn’t mentioned it. Charlie, Sam, and Jessica were joining them on the _USS Edlund_. Gabriel had been assigned to the _USS Kripke_ , but had apparently given Sam strict instructions to continue with pranks on Dean and Castiel.

Dean still remembers, with perfect clarity, the ride out to the space station and the sight of the _USS Edlund_ docked alongside several others. The sun had glinted perfectly off the shining panels and Dean had gaped in amazement. He’d seen pictures and watched holovids of spaceships, but to see one so close, against the black void of space, and knowing he’d soon be aboard it was something completely different and awing. For that sight alone, the years of study and hard work had been worth it.

Dean eyes Castiel back in their quarters. “Easy for you to say, you look gorgeous in blue,” he retorts, turning to appreciate the sight. “Very gorgeous, actually.”

“Dean,” Castiel warns, seeing the glint in Dean’s eyes. “I do not want to be late.”

Pouting ever so slightly, Dean turns back to his reflection in the mirror. “Red really does nothing for me, you know. Remind me again why I became an engineer?”

Castiel smiles fondly. He reaches out and gently grasps Dean’s shoulders and turns him away from the mirror. “Because you love engineering and it’s all you’ve ever wanted to do since you were four years old.”

“I know,” Dean says and he tilts his head to press a quick kiss to Castiel’s lips. “Thank you.”

“You’ll be fine, Dean,” says Castiel, brushing a hand across the shining engineering pin on Dean’s chest.

“Stop that!” Dean protests, backing away. “You’re gonna take the shine off!” Castiel quirks an eyebrow and stares at Dean, who flushes.

“You look perfect Dean. Now come on or we will be late, which is not the best first impression to make.”

“Okay, I’m ready,” Dean says, polishing the badge with his sleeve one last time. Castiel smiles fondly at him again and together they walk to the door of their shared bedroom suite. The door opens with a familiar whoosh and they step out into the shining white corridor, already bustling with people heading to their first shift.

And with a habit nearly three years old now, Dean’s fingers find Castiel’s and take them in a Vulcan kiss. The green eyes find blue and Dean knows, right then, that whatever the next five years in deep space brings, it will all be okay.   


End file.
